Things Patients Have Taught Me NOT To Do

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Never....NEVER...cut a potato in half and use it as a pessary! :eek:

Anybody got anything to add?

Bump!

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Hmmmm...I'm torn between jealousy and thankfullness that your patients have taught you more! :chuckle

Never...NEVER...hide your weed in a toothbrush holder and stick it up your orifice and think it's a safe hiding place from the security officers in a prison. It could get stuck!!

WOW, all that for a plant?

My patients have taught me:

Why its not a good idea to eat garbage.

Why its not a good idea to stick things up your urethra.

Why its not a good idea to dig (I don't have to draw you a picture) when you have pinworms.

Why its not a good idea to continuously punch oneself in the face because your mad at a situation.

Why its a good idea to take reasonable bites and to chew your food properly.

Why its a good idea to wear kneepads if you have a habit of ramming staff with your wheelchair. (God I miss that client... he was so cool. :()

there are probably more.... but I can't think of any now lol.

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Specializes in Med-Surg/Peds/O.R./Legal/cardiology.

DO NOT sit on the sink to pee while drunk because your drunk friend is on the toilet! (The whole thing crashed to the floor and we picked porcelain out of her orifice all night! Nasty lacerations, too!)

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Specializes in SICU.

That if I want to shoot myself, to aim towards the back of the head and not straight up from under the chin. You will loose all your teeth, be blind in one eye (took out optic nerve) and end up with a very nasty personality. You still have all your past problem plus some a whole load of new ones.

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Specializes in Alzheimer's, Geriatrics, Chem. Dep..
That if I want to shoot myself, to aim towards the back of the head and not straight up from under the chin. You will loose all your teeth, be blind in one eye (took out optic nerve) and end up with a very nasty personality. You still have all your past problem plus some a whole load of new ones.

Eww, and that is how all my suicide manuals say to do it (rolling my eyes)

I've heard it said that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem - but when you are that depressed you can only see how miserable you are - no matter what anyone says or does ...

Thankfully God's taken me out of that misery - PHEW!

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Specializes in NA, Stepdown, L&D, Trauma ICU, ER.

Do not, when you think your water breaks at 28 weeks, sit at home for over a week and then come to triage complaining that you haven't felt the baby move in 'a few days'

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Oh, that's so sad.

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.....

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Specializes in Community, OB, Nursery.
Do not, when you think your water breaks at 28 weeks, sit at home for over a week and then come to triage complaining that you haven't felt the baby move in 'a few days'

Oh, that's so sad.

I agree. Sad, not funny.

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Specializes in RN CRRN.

Taught me what not to say to them during an assessment. I was doing great, with my head to toe. Did lungs, BS, HR pain, then heading south said (tonight in fact) I am just going to check the pulses in your feet. "Really? I haven't had anyone do that in a long time." OMG he was a bilateral below knee amputee with bilateral prosthesis on AND I HAD KNOWN THAT> SO DONT-ever- set yourself on automatic pilot when assessing, and "do it just like I always do it." This was not funny and I had to sit down and say well that was probably the dumbest thing I will say today--sometimes it doesnt pay to think of yourself as thorough. I looked at the floor but there was (curiously) no hole to climb into. Poor pt!

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Specializes in RN CRRN.
Thanks everyone! This thread was terrific. Unfortunately, I don't have anything I've learned from a patient yet, but here's a few from my life as a patient:

Using the iron handrail outside of your home as a slide is not a good idea (hole in the head #1).

Pretending to be Jedi Knight while playing alone at a construction site is not a good idea (hole in the head #2, only 6 weeks later).

Do not take your bipolar sister to a haunted house because your nephews want to go and she wants to have fun with them. Everyone's evening will be ruined.

Never fight a beagle for the gum in your sister's purse. You will a have daily reminder for the rest of your life.

Never let your 9 year old nephew give you a ride on his new go-cart without a helmet on YOUR head (hole in the head #3, 21 years later)

:lol2:;):idea:

Never try to take a Christmas tree ornament from a beagle that has a dominant streak and routinely steals items he feels is 'valuable' to the tall pp around him (humans) in order to get a treat--(he'd release the prized item and run for the treat). Yes you know it is an old Christmas ornament, but you know the beags hx and you will lose....and be scarred on your wrist...plus it hurts....I sure miss Pogo..:o

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Specializes in Operating Room (and a bit of med/surg).

Never chop off your hand with a table saw just because you are mad at your girlfriend.

And if you do, don't try to cauterize it yourself using the stove.

And then don't complain when the doc puts you on a psych hold!

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