Things Patients Have Taught Me NOT To Do

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Never....NEVER...cut a potato in half and use it as a pessary! :eek:

Anybody got anything to add?

Specializes in ER/Nuero/PHN/LTC/Skilled/Alzheimer's.

From this past rotation in the ER:

Don't threaten the house supervisor when your wife is not taken back right a way for poison ivy when we have seventeen people and four ambulances with cardiac and resp arrests coming in. The police will be called and every available male nurse that can be spared from the codes will come drag your over-dramatic a$$ and your wife out of the ER.

Do not proceed to go home, call ems to take her to a different hospital, and while she sits in the waiting room there, call and threaten all the nurses in our ER. You will then be arrested.

Don't get drunk when you know it makes you mean, assault your girlfriend, get beat up by her husband, and then when brought in by ems, start spitting razor blades out of your mouth (how did you get them hid there anyway) at the staff and police. You will end up restrained, pepper sprayed, and the doc will come in and sign papers for you to go on to jail.

Don't have your family bring some redneck-looking individual up to our front desk and demand that if you are not taken back to a room next, you will have you "lawyer" (redneck looking guy) sue us. When I asked the guy what firm he worked for, he looked at me and said "huh"? :trout:

Don't scream that the nurse tricked you into signing the d/c paperwork when you don't like the non-narcotic rx the doc gave you. Guess what? You are officially discharged and the security team will escort you to your car.

For the maintenance crew: Don't ignore a work order for fixing a bracket that holds up a computer box at the nurse's station. Some poor nurse might have the heavy thing fall onto her foot, therefore rendering her unable to help in the code or security situation and cause your company money when they have to xray her foot and treat her.

All of this happened in one day at our ER and I was the nurse that got injured. It's a bad night in the ER when the staff needs to be treated.

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Specializes in Schoolnurse,homehealth,specialneeds,IHS.

YUKKO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! people can be gross!!!!!!!!!!

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Specializes in registered nurse.

those were really funny:rotfl::bugeyes:

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Specializes in Community, OB, Nursery.

If you are bitten by a snake, please do us a favor and don't bring the thing in STILL ALIVE! Please have someone kill it first. I mean I'm glad to know what bit you and all, but I don't want it biting me too! :nono:

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From this past rotation in the ER:

Don't threaten the house supervisor when your wife is not taken back right a way for poison ivy when we have seventeen people and four ambulances with cardiac and resp arrests coming in. The police will be called and every available male nurse that can be spared from the codes will come drag your over-dramatic a$$ and your wife out of the ER.

Do not proceed to go home, call ems to take her to a different hospital, and while she sits in the waiting room there, call and threaten all the nurses in our ER. You will then be arrested.

Don't get drunk when you know it makes you mean, assault your girlfriend, get beat up by her husband, and then when brought in by ems, start spitting razor blades out of your mouth (how did you get them hid there anyway) at the staff and police. You will end up restrained, pepper sprayed, and the doc will come in and sign papers for you to go on to jail.

Don't have your family bring some redneck-looking individual up to our front desk and demand that if you are not taken back to a room next, you will have you "lawyer" (redneck looking guy) sue us. When I asked the guy what firm he worked for, he looked at me and said "huh"? :trout:

Don't scream that the nurse tricked you into signing the d/c paperwork when you don't like the non-narcotic rx the doc gave you. Guess what? You are officially discharged and the security team will escort you to your car.

For the maintenance crew: Don't ignore a work order for fixing a bracket that holds up a computer box at the nurse's station. Some poor nurse might have the heavy thing fall onto her foot, therefore rendering her unable to help in the code or security situation and cause your company money when they have to xray her foot and treat her.

I gotta go work in the ER!!! :lol2: :lol2: :lol2:

All of this happened in one day at our ER and I was the nurse that got injured. It's a bad night in the ER when the staff needs to be treated.
I hope you get better fast! :balloons:
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Specializes in Volunterr in A&E.

I havent had much experience but have done some volutary work over christmas a couple of years back and learnt.......

Just because you cant see the flame on the pudding doesnt mean it isnt their (saves on plucking eyebrows though)

Its NOT a good idea to let the kids at the chocolate liquers just because it's christmas! (messy:barf01:)

You really should pick the wrapping paper up asap once the presents are opened cos god knows what you are standing on these have included:

impaled in the foot by toys

standing on glass (from the bucks fizz they decided to have for breakfast)

the family pet which decided to bite back

and a child (although thankfully that turned out okay)

:xmas_smilies_daz:

I laughed so loud about the playing catch with a rattler I would probably be stupid enough to reach out to try to catch it.

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Specializes in Trauma, Surgical, Oncology.

Never keep your nitropaste and your toothpaste next to each other. You will get dizzy and hypotensive.

Never get drunk, get lost in a mountain campground, be belligerant while demanding help, leave and come back throwing objects at the campers. The campers will take an ax to your face (luckily we have amazing plastic surgeons):uhoh3:

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Specializes in Home Health, Geriatrics.

This has been a great thread. Took me all day to read it. Here's a few I have encountered over the years:

Do not sit in a hard plastic chair in the waiting room after having a vibrator rammed into your rectum that you can't turn off, tends to annoy the others waiting for treatment.

Do not handcuff your wife to the bed and then knock yourself out on the ceiling fan trying to imitate superman.

Do not tell me that this "dripping" from your member just started when you have a wad of Kleenex in your pants to catch the drip. Also do not get mad because your wife is in the room to the left of you for a drip from her lady parts and your girlfriend is in the room to your right for the same reason. We didn't give them this problem and we didn't bring them here. Your problem.:o

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Specializes in OB, critical care, hospice, farm/industr.

Do not sit in a hard plastic chair in the waiting room after having a vibrator rammed into your rectum that you can't turn off, tends to annoy the others waiting for treatment.:o

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

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Specializes in LTC/Rehab,Med/Surg, OB/GYN, Ortho, Neuro.
Do not sit in a hard plastic chair in the waiting room after having a vibrator rammed into your rectum that you can't turn off, tends to annoy the others waiting for treatment.

:lol2::lol2::lol2::lol2:

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Specializes in Schoolnurse,homehealth,specialneeds,IHS.

These things are hysterical. I find myself reading them almost every night now after a grueling day of seriousness to get a good icon10.gif laugh.

Keep em comming! Thanks all.

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Smoke, drink excessively, and treat your family like crap for no reason.

I've also learned: exercise and stop eating fast food.

It's depressing to see a 45 yo grandma dying from COPD because she was a 6 pack a day smoker. Even sadder to see a middle age grandma (~50) bedridden because she weighed over 400 lbs from eating junk.

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