Things Patients Have Taught Me NOT To Do

[Trixxy]

Never....NEVER...cut a potato in half and use it as a pessary!

Anybody got anything to add?

[kevro1013]

Do not take left over medications out of the sharps boxes and mix them together and shoot them up in the employee bathroom of the ER you happen to work in. SOME of those medications MIGHT contain sedatives and vasoactives that MIGHT make your heart slow down so that you will pass out and drool on yourself.

[Dave ARNP]

Just today a patient taught me that spermacidal foam tastes like Downey.

EWWW

Dave

[Marie_LPN, RN, LPN, RN]

Saw a bumper sticker that said "Stupid should be a legitimate medical diagnosis".

My guess is that the driver was a nurse.

[Hellllllo Nurse, BSN, RN]

Originally posted by NICU_Nurse

Do not wait until your NICU nurse has left the room so that you can whip out a rusty knife and begin sawing into your new baby's Morphine drip before she returns. Do not place your mouth anywhere near the newly-sawed IV tubing and begin drinking the Morphine. Do not, under any circumstances, pretend that you weren't doing this when the nurse returns, and absolutely do not claim that "that sh** was like that" when you came in.

OMG. I hope that some authorities were involved and that the "parent" was not permitted to take the baby home.

Please tell me they did not let this person take the baby home w/ them.

[karenG]

my contributions...........just to prove there are stupid people here too!

dont keep your lighter in your lady parts- it wont work!

dont use a tea stainer (with the handle cut off). as a contraceptive device. It doesnt work and tends to get stuck

coke cans were not designed to be inserted into a rectum (and make a heck of mess coming out!)

hamsters die if you insert them up your rectum.

have to say- the tea stainer was the best!! selective breeding at its best!!

Karen:roll

[Marie_LPN, RN, LPN, RN]

You know, my pants don't have any pockets, i'm not wearing a bra or a coat or socks, now WHERE should i put my lighter at?

Oh of COURSE, my lady parts!!

ick ick ick lmao

(And hopefully the lighter was COOLED first)

[nursenoelle]

Do not invite all possible "baby daddys" to you delivery. Drama will surely insue.

Throwing your remote control at your nurse will not get you your epidural any sooner.

If you really want your nurses full attention, pick up your bedside commode (full of corse) and place it over her head. *shudder*.... throwing a handful of poo at her is also very effective.

Four year olds are not to be trusted to cook dinner. (no more floating to ED for moi)

[dragonfly954]

Never let 5 eleven year old boys have your extra Viagra and take it at school on their lunch break.........and then hide in the restroom for an hour because they can't go back to class(while they are all diaphoretic,having palpitations,vomiting ,among other obvious problems:imbar )........other eleven year old children especially little girls tend to find this amusing:cool:

[nursenatalie, ADN, RN]

How about visiting all area hospitals ED trying to get re-admitted one week after an incisional hernia repair and when none would admit return to first hospital but only after opening the incision site with your fingernails and not bothering to wash the blood from your fingers. ( Turns out she liked the Dilaudid PCA)

And same patient in the hospital BACK on Dilaudid PCA ...removed the ABD pads from wound and replaced with her used maxi pad! Guess she wanted to ensure an infection..could write a book on this one patient alone!!

[Erin RN]

Originally posted by StreetRN

too bad her mother didn't attempt to instill other bits of knowledge into this dimwit's head.

Look at the bright side..no chance of procreating using a wooden stick!!

[Marie_LPN, RN, LPN, RN]

Yeah, but OWIE!!!

[Rapheal]

Power saws should not be used by idiots (ie my friends)

Do not throw gasoline on the bb grill (my husband)

Do not tell the nurse (your wife) that " I know what I am doing"' she will be calling ED with a warning that you are grilling again.