Things Patients Have Taught Me NOT To Do

Nurses Humor

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Never....NEVER...cut a potato in half and use it as a pessary! :eek:

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You guys have had me cracking up with these! I especially like the "do not invite all possible baby daddies to the delivery room". It kind of reminded me of a cousin of mine who came to Christmas Eve at my grandma's one year, and was joined by her ex-husband (first 2 children's daddy), ex-boyfriend (second 2 children's daddy) and her new boyfriend (daddy of the child she was pregnant with). My grandma told her two of the guys had to leave. Tonya

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Originally posted by Rapheal

Power saws should not be used by idiots (ie my friends)

Do not throw gasoline on the bb grill (my husband)

Do not tell the nurse (your wife) that " I know what I am doing"' she will be calling ED with a warning that you are grilling again.

Hmm, sounds like we have the same husband! :eek: :chuckle :roll

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Specializes in 5 yrs OR, ASU Pre-Op 2 yr. ER.

Every SINGLE TIME any man i dated said the dreaded phrase "I know what i'm doing", we wound up in the ER. One or both of us walks out in a sling or Ace bandage.

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"Instill"..hee hee hee.....I don't know why but that term seems REALLY fitting in regards to the topic!!!!

Originally posted by StreetRN

too bad her mother didn't attempt to instill other bits of knowledge into this dimwit's head.

:roll :roll
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Never under any circumstances light a lighter near your "partners" rectum so that you can "see why the gerbil wouldn't come out!", you could end up with a concussion from the gerbil nailing you in the forehead as it was blown out of said "partner" AND no eyebrows left either, and said "partner" could end up with second degree burns to his arsss!!!

Never come for a Social Security Disability Physical and grown and limp thru the office until the Dr. says "there is NOTHING wrong with you and you don't qualify for disability payments", then proceed to say "F$%^% you!" and suddenly be pain free and able to walk unaided as you stomp out of the office....the Dr. may not believe you are truly disabled after this!!!

Do not call your Dr. and claim that you "spilled all my narcs in the toilet so I need a refill" THREE TIMES IN ONE WEEK!!

Do not claim that you need narc refills cuz "my purse was stolen" and then file a false police report to get said refill....the police WILL be a touch upset, and you could get jail time for this!!

Do not call for refills on your Valium saying that you need it because your "mother just died and I'm a mess!"......especially when it is the third time she has "died" this year!!!.....Your Dr. may not believe you!!

Dang, do I really look dumb enough to fall for this crap?!!?

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I always thought those gerbil-in-the-rectum stories were urban legends.

These things really go on, huh?:o

Animal abuse.

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TSTL Syndrome??

:roll

Just today a patient taught me that spermacidal foam tastes like Downey

:p :rotfl:

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OK, the spermacidal foam I can sorta see but, why would somebody know how Downey tastes??

Originally posted by Trixxy

TSTL Syndrome??

:roll

Just today a patient taught me that spermacidal foam tastes like Downey

:p :rotfl:

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No, actually SmilingBluEyes posted:

TSTL Syndrome

and

MD Terminator posted :

Just today a patient taught me that spermacidal foam tastes like Downey

Sorry SmilingBluEyes and MD Terminator ..I should have clarified that. :kiss

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Specializes in 5 yrs OR, ASU Pre-Op 2 yr. ER.

Considering how germy they are, WHY would someone want a rodent up their rectum??

And who what the genius who first thought of that idea and what were they smoking or snorting?!

I agree, that's animal abuse.

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This thread is great...well, here goes (these are personal experiences)

Dont stab yourself in the hand with a pencil (on purpose) and then expect pity from your ex

Dont get your vicodin and then take it all the first few days you have it then go back to the doctor a week later saying you "lost it"...

When you buy a motorcycle, the first time you ride it is advisable that you wear a helmet and that it preferably not be raining - however the rain does make it more exciting (as does not wearing a helmet) - it provides for good leg fractures

When shooting BB guns at people, even though you may not intentionally be aiming at their face - the BB may hit them in the eye and cause irreversable damage...

Somehow when cutting an onion if you slip and cut a huge gash in your forearm (yeah - it was a big slip) and it is gaping open then - yes - it needs stitches

When you have been smoking pot and slam your finger in the car door it may be funny tonight - but you wont find it nearly as funny tomorrow

Threatening your ex by taking various drugs (ecstacy, acid and whatever else you can pop) and then driving through the Sierra Nevada and getting thrown in the Psych ward at the hosp. then running out in your hospital gown and being restrained by police is NOT how to win someone back

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From my old days in the ER, in a few major US cities, we have pulled out the following: gerbil, hamster, baby mouse, coca-cola bottle, pepsi bottle, candles, 14 inch long zucchini,salt and pepper shakers(of course, matching). These are just a few, too many to think of right now.

The best I forgot: a hamburger with the bun from a lady parts, soda bottles there also

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