Things Patients Have Taught Me NOT To Do

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Never....NEVER...cut a potato in half and use it as a pessary! :eek:

Anybody got anything to add?

Specializes in Medic, ER, Flight, ICU, Onc.
Sounds like the DARWIN awards!

Yeah, same patient on the first two. And she wasn't pregnant when she called EMS. And she knew it.

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Specializes in Alzheimer's, Geriatrics, Chem. Dep..
Yeah, same patient on the first two. And she wasn't pregnant when she called EMS. And she knew it.

Oh my goodness!

Back in my day, you fought with your boyfriend, you walked 50 miles home in a blizzard - uphill, both ways... LOL

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Specializes in Community, OB, Nursery.
It's a bad idea to try to scale a 6 foot fence when you are 7 months pregnant......

While running from the police......

With crack in your pocket........

And these people are allowed to reproduce....

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When you work for the railroad, it is best not to drink on the job.... you may get back a boot that is missing it's front half (that coincidently now matches your right foot :beer:

Don't shower with a plunger... you might accidently 'fall' on it, requiring a temporary colostomy.

Don't climb to the top of your garbage truck while your partner is working that lifty thing that empties the dumpsters.... it can be slippery up there...thankfully fractured femurs can heal. It could have been much worse. (and for goodness sakes.... ditch the orange and red flame Speedo underwear!!!!)

Don't think that swallowing a spoon and an ink pen will automatically get you emergency surgery with all the 'good' drugs post-op... we can fish out lots of things with a scope (I have the pics to prove it!)

Don't shoot yourself in the head, wake up alive, call the docs office after hours on Friday night, only to be told the office is closed until Monday, hang around the house all weekend with your BRAIN exposed, call the office on Monday, get an appointment that day, and...... try to convince your doc you walked into a door :lol_hitti

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Specializes in ER.

Don't call me up in the ER and tell me you've run out of Tylenol, your 6month old has a fever, and what are you gonna do? I'll just tell you to get off your butt and go buy more, dummy.

If your boyfriend ripped your earrings out of your ears in July it does not become and emergency at the beginning of December when you don't like the way they are healing. And, no, we can't stitch them back together at this late date.

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Specializes in Alzheimer's, Geriatrics, Chem. Dep..
When you work for the railroad, it is best not to drink on the job.... you may get back a boot that is missing it's front half (that coincidently now matches your right foot :beer:

Don't shower with a plunger... you might accidently 'fall' on it, requiring a temporary colostomy.

Don't climb to the top of your garbage truck while your partner is working that lifty thing that empties the dumpsters.... it can be slippery up there...thankfully fractured femurs can heal. It could have been much worse.

Don't think that swallowing a spoon and an ink pen will automatically get you emergency surgery with all the 'good' drugs post-op... we can fish out lots of things with a scope (I have the pics to prove it!)

Don't shoot yourself in the head, wake up alive, call the docs office after hours on Friday night, only to be told the office is closed until Monday, hang around the house all weekend with your BRAIN exposed, call the office on Monday, get an appointment that day, and...... try to convince your doc you walked into a door :lol_hitti

Wow, where on earth do you WORK!!!

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I have worked all over. That is 20 years of nursing experience... mostly orthopedics.

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Specializes in Home Health.

This thread is hilarious! I have obviously been in the wrong dept. (MICU), although, we do get the occasional OD'ers...

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Specializes in Alzheimer's, Geriatrics, Chem. Dep..
I have worked all over. That is 20 years of nursing experience... mostly orthopedics.

Incredible ... lol

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When you bring your child to the ER, don't get mad when we have to take blood, do x-rays, start an I.V., etc. We do tend to assume that things are serious if you are in ER, and take no chances (especially with peds).

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Specializes in Alzheimer's, Geriatrics, Chem. Dep..
When you bring your child to the ER, don't get mad when we have to take blood, do x-rays, start an I.V., etc. We do tend to assume that things are serious if you are in ER, and take no chances (especially with peds).

Doi. Lol

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lol, have you tried this?

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