Things Patients Have Taught Me NOT To Do

Pediatric Critical Care Columnist · Jul 10, 2006

We once got a 15 year old girl (who didn't like her mom's BF) post suicide gesture with 100 extra-strength Tylenol. She had second thoughts about wanting to die (a long, lingering death, but she didn't know that!!) and called a friend, who then got EMS to bring her to us. Well, she decided in ER that she didn't like the NG charcoal, so she gave the tube a yank. Charcoal aspiration is particularly ugly... She went on to develop bronchiolitis obliterans, was trached and vented, had a bilateral living donor lung transplant, then died of CMV pneumonitis four years after her OD.

OKERRN · Jul 11, 2006

Do Not bring your 8 week old into the ER weighing two pounds less than BW, filthy, dirty and stinky, starving and looking like a piece of parchment with translucent skin stretched over it, with decubitus on both heels and the L spine and Coccyx and inform the nurse that you have 4 other children and know how to take care of the baby.

She will not take that comment well.

LaNICUnurse · Jul 11, 2006

WHOA!! You've learned more than me!!
Never...NEVER..get off the top bunk with an erection, and slip, hitting your manhood on the bed post! :imbar

:lol2: OUCH!!!

banditrn · Jul 11, 2006

We once got a 15 year old girl (who didn't like her mom's BF) post suicide gesture with 100 extra-strength Tylenol. She had second thoughts about wanting to die (a long, lingering death, but she didn't know that!!) and called a friend, who then got EMS to bring her to us. Well, she decided in ER that she didn't like the NG charcoal, so she gave the tube a yank. Charcoal aspiration is particularly ugly... She went on to develop bronchiolitis obliterans, was trached and vented, had a bilateral living donor lung transplant, then died of CMV pneumonitis four years after her OD.

That story should be required reading for every high-school student!! How awful.

student Missy · Jul 12, 2006

Don't go fishing some day and keep the catfish until the end of the day and decide to hand throw them back into the water where children swim because some 11 yr old child may take a horn to the back (catfish was dead, sharp horn went deep into back, just missing kidney, ouch).

EMT-B future LPN

rnmommy23 · Jul 13, 2006

ok here's one

if you're gonna get breast implants, don't let the incision become infected and if it does don't let it become a wound large enough for the implant to fall out of and if it does happen to fall out please don't wait 2 more weeks before coming to the hospital

grace90, LPN, LVN · Jul 14, 2006

Don't clean an electrical light... while it's plugged in AND turned on... with water... while drinking.

nightingalemom · Jul 18, 2006

OMG, I've been up for hours reading straight through this whole thread - brings back memories from my days in EMS (pre-nursing)!

I'll try to remember some of the best lessons I've encountered, but here's one that stands out:

When the Bible says "Cut off thy hand if it causes you to sin", you shouldn't take it literally because it's the hand you used to masturbate. If you do take it literally, you shouldn't proceed to bury it in your yard - the nice EMS personnel don't want to transport your moldy, dirt-covered hand with you for your psych hospitalization... :trout:

LoriAlabamaRN · Jul 19, 2006

I have one: Don't take four hits of LSD your first time trying it, and if you do, resist the temptation to cut off your ears with kitchen shears in order to stop the snakes from crawling out of them. If in fact you DO cut them off, don't flush them down the toilet to kill those imaginary snakes. Ear prostheses are no fun for a 16 year old.

quiltingrn · Jul 21, 2006

Oh my, I've been laughing for hours!

Here's a few from my experiences:

Do not name your child De'vil and then wonder why everyone calls your child Devil. The NICU nurses were finally able to convince the mom that d-e-v-i-l actually spelled devil ... despite the little mark between the e and v!

Do not tell the NICU nurses you want to take your baby home "just" for Christmas Day because you have measured the isolette and it will fit in the back of your van! They will have a hard time maintaining a straight face and explaining to you why this won't work.

Do not get drunk and then decide to sneak into your neighbor's back yard at night for a swim ... jump off the diving board and THEN discover your neighbor was having the pool cleaned and it was empty. Sad outcome ... patient a quad AND he sued the neighbor.

Do not have a baby, surgery, or other procedure that requires versed or other drugs at the place you work (me) ... there will be people you have to avoid afterwards! :)

Do not call your wife (an RN - me) while she is working the night shift and inform her that your 7 yr old son just fell in the shower, hit his head on the ceramic soap dish, is bleeding "a lot" and does he need stitches?? HUH? I said well hold his head to the phone and I'll tell ya! :) Then do not get mad when wife (me) says he needs to be seen in ER to determine need for stitches. He DID need stitches BTW ... 7 or 8 of them.

Do not purposely burn your 6 month old baby with an iron, tell the hospital it was an "accident" and then act surprised when your own mother (the baby's grandmother) jumps you in the hospital hall and lays a couple of good wallops on you before security intervenes ... I was cheering (silently) for the grandma btw and I was not a nurse at the time.

quiltingrn

JessicRN · Jul 29, 2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by kukukajoo

When naming your newborn and nurses try to explain that you are spelling Angel's name wrong, don't put up a fight and insist that the correct spelling is ANGLE and put it on the birth certificate!

But this is wonderful! She can name her other kids 90 Degree and Slide Rule!

Hey that is my Maiden name and I am acute Angle: monkeydance: :monkeydance: :monkeydance:

gonzo1, ASN, RN · Jul 29, 2006

Do not decide to look at the shingles on your roof after having eight beers, it is so hard for the nurse and doctor to decide which one of your four broken limbs to splint first.

Do not bring your teenage daughter into the ER on Saturday to ask what made her tummy hurt last Thursday.

Do not tell the guy who is drunk and illegally riding his ATV through your back yard to stop doing it, unless you have an armed quard by your side to shoot him as he is running over you.

Do not reach for your dropped cell phone on the passenger side of the van as you are driving down the highway at 80 miles an hour.