Things Patients Have Taught Me NOT To Do

Updated:   Published

what-are-things-patients-taught-you-not-to-do.jpg.119a9865abb94645f43c13239f934ba4.jpg

Never....NEVER...cut a potato in half and use it as a pessary! :eek:

Anybody got anything to add?

Specializes in NICU.

Don't tell the recovery room nurse you'd like to come back next week and do it again. He won't give you any more pain meds at that point, no matter how much you beg.

me again.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Do not hang out, reading the Bible on the porch of the local house that you really honestly didn't know was a Crack house, at 3:00 AM, absolutely minding your own business....because "Some Dude" will come along and and shoot you for no apparent reason!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

At our hospital....they are always "Bible Salesmen"..uh huh selling bibles, door to door at 2:00 a.m.......

Up Vote Up Vote ×

OH MY GOSH....bless all of you out there with your lesson's learned....I must be very ill because I have been sitting here laughing for over an hour at 3:00 a.m.......No, really it's a blessing because I cried today at work and cried on the way home and couldn't sleep because I kept thinking how I suck at this job.....but now, I feel better (really I think I am a sick person) G'night

Up Vote Up Vote ×
It's best to keep your mouth shut while recovering from anesthesia. You may say hilarious things (at the top of your lungs) that will embarass you later!

(raising hand) I have to fess up to this one. *I* was the patient and I was having hand surgery. After getting twilight sleep meds the surgeon came in. Happens to be the surgeon is the perfect example of a man. He's just good in ALL the right parts. He was wearing tight scrubs and I began to tell him how good he looked and he should wear those scrubs all the time, not just in OR. I wouldn't shut my mouth for anything. The PA (a female) was whispering in my ear to stop talking, I would be humiliated later. I then started to remind her of the conversation we had in the office just a couple of days ago about how fine this guy was. She began denying it and I was able to recite the entire conversation to her word for word. How's that work? I could remember our conversation word for word but I couldn't remember to keep my big mouth shut.

Needless to say I removed my own sutures. I couldn't go back there and face him. I ran into him at the hospital a few weeks later and he didn't say a word, he just started laughing. I should have just laughed with him and gotten it over with. Instead I hid. That's what any reasonable nurse would do, right?

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Never....NEVER...cut a potato in half and use it as a pessary! :uhoh21: :uhoh21: :eek: :eek: :uhoh21: :uhoh21:

Anybody got anything to add?

Call me dumb if you want to but what is a pessary? :confused:

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Call me dumb if you want to but what is a pessary? :confused:

A pessary is a device used in cases of uterine prolapse. It's a device that is inserted into the lady parts, and it helps hold the uterus in place.

I have seen a pt's uterus hanging out of her lady parts. :uhoh21:

I heard another story of a woman who used a 'tater as a pessary...and it was in there for so long that it sprouted vines. That was her chief complaint in the ER - "I got the green vines in my virginny!"

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ICU, PICC Nurse, Nursing Supervisor.

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: This is so so so funny....I can appreciate this geriatric hillbilly outtake......:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

A pessary is a device used in cases of uterine prolapse. It's a device that is inserted into the lady parts, and it helps hold the uterus in place.

I have seen a pt's uterus hanging out of her lady parts. :uhoh21:

I heard another story of a woman who used a 'tater as a pessary...and it was in there for so long that it sprouted vines. That was her chief complaint in the ER - "I got the green vines in my virginny!"

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..
A pessary is a device used in cases of uterine prolapse. It's a device that is inserted into the lady parts, and it helps hold the uterus in place.

I have seen a pt's uterus hanging out of her lady parts. :uhoh21:

I heard another story of a woman who used a 'tater as a pessary...and it was in there for so long that it sprouted vines. That was her chief complaint in the ER - "I got the green vines in my virginny!"

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: Oh am I ever glad I didn't take the Nurse Practitioner's advice to go to Philly to git a green vine in my virginny. I took the Gynechologist's advice, and got a stirrup instead. Now when I pee it's straight forward; just like a boy!!:D :D And my daughter saw it happen. Heh, when it happened, she shouted, ":eek: "Mommy, you pee just like Jake!" :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: That's my grandson.
Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..
(raising hand) I have to fess up to this one. *I* was the patient and I was having hand surgery. After getting twilight sleep meds the surgeon came in. Happens to be the surgeon is the perfect example of a man. He's just good in ALL the right parts. He was wearing tight scrubs and I began to tell him how good he looked and he should wear those scrubs all the time, not just in OR. I wouldn't shut my mouth for anything. The PA (a female) was whispering in my ear to stop talking, I would be humiliated later. I then started to remind her of the conversation we had in the office just a couple of days ago about how fine this guy was. She began denying it and I was able to recite the entire conversation to her word for word. How's that work? I could remember our conversation word for word but I couldn't remember to keep my big mouth shut.

Needless to say I removed my own sutures. I couldn't go back there and face him. I ran into him at the hospital a few weeks later and he didn't say a word, he just started laughing. I should have just laughed with him and gotten it over with. Instead I hid. That's what any reasonable nurse would do, right?

Well pickles (by the way, I like your name:D )he was probably laughing at your cherry red face.:chuckle
Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ICU, ED, Transport, Home Care, Mgmnt.
The mere thought of a needle going through this area would be enough to avoid it for me. OW

Don't decide to be spontaneous and get a privy parts piercing which will hit an artery and bleed, and bleed, and bleed . . .then you will have to go in to the ER where you work and ask one of the younger than you are docs to take a look. He will then stand there for 10 minutes putting pressure on said wound while you lay there in extreme embarrassment. After cauterizing the wound you will be dizzy from the blood loss and eternally grateful to the doc. You will never forget what happened because your friend (me) will have laughed through the whold event and she will never let you forget. :rotfl:

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Trauma, Teaching.

Never pull your talleywhacker out to void before you get out of the tent, because you might fall on the way out and get it cut on the zipper teeth. Funny how the marks look just like human teeth marks ..........

uh-huh :rolleyes:

Up Vote Up Vote ×
And I thought I was the only one who heard of the potato trick. I stil haven't figured out why a potato. Why not a turnip?

had a 93 y/o woman from a nursing home sent into me ED with C/C of Foreign body in lady parts. On assessment our doctor pulls out a nice shiny black rock, unknown that the heck it was doing there the doctor calls the nursing home, then the patients sister who replies " oh yeah, shes had that for at least 40 years now "

never knew that you could use a rock for a pessary

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Join the Discussion