Things Patients Have Taught Me NOT To Do

MacNurse · May 23, 2005

Never ever try to get an erection by injecting sugar water into your member with a dirty needle. The resulting flesh-eating disease that spreads into your abdomen will produce THEE most digusting puss I've ever seen :barf02: Now everyone knows why I can't eat butterscotch pudding.

Danianne · May 25, 2005

Never ever try to get an erection by injecting sugar water into your member with a dirty needle. The resulting flesh-eating disease that spreads into your abdomen will produce THEE most digusting puss I've ever seen Now everyone knows why I can't eat butterscotch pudding.

ow eww ow eww ow ewwwww :uhoh21: :barf02:

elizabells, BSN, RN · May 26, 2005

Never ever try to get an erection by injecting sugar water into your member with a dirty needle. The resulting flesh-eating disease that spreads into your abdomen will produce THEE most digusting puss I've ever seen Now everyone knows why I can't eat butterscotch pudding.

And from this day forward, I never will again eat any pudding. Good thing I never liked it much anyway!

TDub, MSN, EdD · Jun 1, 2005

I always thought that the sperm out of the Butt thing was called Felching ? But maybe there are many names for the dodgy acts that go on at home....

Felching is when you don't use a straw. Shrimping is when you do use a straw. Sort of like the difference between drinking from the can vs. a glass.

prmenrs, RN · Jun 1, 2005

Oh, please, spare us the details.

:no: :barf01: :barf02:

WAy too gross.

kadokin, ASN, RN · Jun 2, 2005

Aren't people silly? This may seem a little cruel, but if you are trying to kill yourself w/duct tape, you need to tape your nose as well as your mouth. Sorry, one of the lessons I've learned.

kadokin, ASN, RN · Jun 2, 2005

Do not take left over medications out of the sharps boxes and mix them together and shoot them up in the employee bathroom of the ER you happen to work in. SOME of those medications MIGHT contain sedatives and vasoactives that MIGHT make your heart slow down so that you will pass out and drool on yourself.

MY GOD!!

mstigerlily · Jun 2, 2005

Wow, I love reading these threads but these last few have left me speechless. Not funny, horribly, horribly sad - I don't want to believer there are people like this out there.

Do not wait until your NICU nurse has left the room so that you can whip out a rusty knife and begin sawing into your new baby's Morphine drip before she returns. Do not place your mouth anywhere near the newly-sawed IV tubing and begin drinking the Morphine. Do not, under any circumstances, pretend that you weren't doing this when the nurse returns, and absolutely do not claim that "that sh** was like that" when you came in.
Do not get so pissed off at the nurses that you decide to unhook your two pound preemie from his/her leads and put him/her inside your coat pocket and attempt to take him/her home with you.
Do not decide that your baby is hungry when he/she is on NEC precautions and, upset that we aren't feeding your baby, decide to sneak a Coca-Cola onto the unit and feed it to your child with a syringe you found on a supply cart.
When your baby has had open heart surgery and has his/her chest still open, do not put your finger "in there" because you wanted to "feel it".
Do not visit the nursery with a friend and, when friend begins to change her new baby's diaper, say one of the following phrases REALLY loud:
"Ooh, girl, your baby's cat is FAT!"
"How come your baby 'aint got no nuts?"
"Where the ***k is his ***k?"

TreetopAngel_RN · Jun 2, 2005

Do not come out from anesthesia and jokingly reply to questions...

Nurse: Can I call you Elizabeth or do you prefer Liz?

Me: You can call me anything you want, just don't call me late for dinner.

It was determined that I was not alert and oriented enough to go back to the Med/Surg floor.

It was a joke! Listen to me, it was a joke! ZZZZZzzzzzzZZZZZZ

:rotfl:

prmenrs, RN · Jun 2, 2005

Well, I would've laughed. Whenever I've recovered from anesthesia, I was too busy barfing to crack jokes.

TreetopAngel_RN · Jun 2, 2005

Well, I would've laughed. Whenever I've recovered from anesthesia, I was too busy barfing to crack jokes.

LOL! The barfing came with the next time I woke up.

I am told I crack jokes in my sleep and I have certainly woke myself up laughing enough times to believe it.

RNandlovingit · Jun 2, 2005

I am going into my 3rd semester of nursing school and this is what I have learned so far....

If you have PVD and the doctor tells you that HAVE to have your leg amputated or you are going to die. Please believe him. Don't rely on your Durable Power of Attorney to make that decision for you when you are so doped up and say you dont want it and she agrees with you..And if you are said POA dont get mad and threaten to sue hospital when Pt codes and dies the night before surgery because you should have given consent 2 days prior before the orginial surgery date.

If you are in the CCU unit because you have just had stents placed and have had prior heart surgery and are a diabetic. Please dont get mad at the nurses when we tell your family to please stop bringing the patient candy and soda.

After having a baby. Please dont have a constant stream of 20 to 30 people in your room all day long wearing you out and then be mad at the nurses when they wont take your baby at night so you can get some rest..Especially when we tell you that well babies stay with mom and Dad the entire hospital stay.

Sorry mine are not as entertaining as everything else I have read. Right now I work as a Nurse Tech on a Women's Health floor and its pretty boring.. I cant wait for next semester and Critical Care!!