Things Patients Have Taught Me NOT To Do

RNTOBE_1970 · Apr 19, 2011

Yesss my dear-I know :) But at our hospital we ask them not to do that too, I think the exact wording is "Nothing is to enter in or around the lady partsl opening for at least 6 weeks postpartum or until your doctor sees you after your 6-8 postpartum visit"
No use in driving the car in the parking lot when you can't take it out on the street. :)

In nursing school, an older nurse on the post partum floor told us to use the phrase "pelvic rest".

TDub, MSN, EdD · Apr 19, 2011

We have to explain pelvic rest means "nothing in there, nothing ON there and especially no orgasms'

No orgasms for the threat of pre-term labour.

GoldenFlash · Apr 20, 2011

Never get pierced "down below" and be unable to get the jewlery out prior to your MRI. The nurse will not be happy having to use two pair of hemostats with her face between your legs to remove your mid life crisis induced purchases.

Not to lie to your family so that they will come visit you. One day you will be as sick as you want them to think you are and no one will be flocking to your bedside. I just explained to you the care plan 2 mintues ago and I can tell by the rapid phone calls of "you better come down here now" that you either didn't understand my words or you were hoping something much worse was actually wrong with you.

Not to give the nurse your girlfriends phone number as your next of kin and tell us she's your wife. When your wife shows up and we confirm her information it is up to you to explain the error...not us.

Not to become helpless when the butt hits the bed. If you are able to walk to the bathroom before the admit you should continue to do so, I will even walk you there. Being in the hospital is no reason to release your bowels and bladder in the bed THEN press the call light to be cleaned up.

Not to rip the sharps box off the wall, find a used syringe, fill it with my own stool and inject it into my picc line. I do however appriciate the use of the call light prior to us having to code you.

Not to use the bedside commode as a walker. (I can still see it coming down the hall towards the nurses station)

Not to tell the nurse the IV "fell out". After the last two "fell out" I taped this one down with so much tape 3M stock went up. I bet that roll of kerlex around your arm fell off too.

Not to share the health information of everyone I have ever known. I'm doing YOUR health history and while your cousins friends brother having his gallbladder out is fascinating I really don't have the time for the story.

Not to walk into another patients room and use their bathroom. This should be a given...unfortunately it needs said.

Not to try to use the coffee pot burner in the lobby to melt my broken glasses back together

Not to have people bring me in food when I am admitted for DKA. I see the McDonald's sweet tea cups in your trash can and I don't know why you think high blood sugars require iv dilaudid but I know you need to go home and be non compliant.

Not to complain about being nauseated with terrible abdominal pain while eating the vending machine out of raisinettes. If you're so nauseated and are NPO then STOP EATING! And yes...I did remove your trash can so the doctor could look at your candy wrappers since you continue to lie to him and tell him you're not eating and still in terrible pain.

Jenni811, RN · Apr 20, 2011

Not to use the bedside commode as a walker. (I can still see it coming down the hall towards the nurses station)

HAHAHAHA LOVE IT!!! :-D i just invision this little old lady walking down the hall with her bedside commode.

Jenni811, RN · Apr 20, 2011

Don't forget your insulin if your type 1 diabetic on your 2 month honeymoon and not admit it to your wife....you will come back in DKA and a blood sugar of 2,150 and A1C of 16.

.."Diet managment" will not work for 2 months if your type 1

rph3664 · Apr 20, 2011

Don't forget your insulin if your type 1 diabetic on your 2 month honeymoon and not admit it to your wife....you will come back in DKA and a blood sugar of 2,150 and A1C of 16.
.."Diet managment" will not work for 2 months if your type 1

"Diet management" doesn't work for any diabetic if their diet consists entirely of candy by the pound. And no, you aren't allergic to diabetic candy because it gives you diarrhea. It's sweetened with sorbitol, which is a laxative, and you're not supposed to eat the whole bag in one sitting.

Not_A_Hat_Person, RN · Apr 20, 2011

I see you've met my brother-in-law. He's a type 1 diabetic who moved cross-country by car, ran out of insulin on the way, and ended up in the hospital for 2 weeks with DKA.

talaxandra · Apr 20, 2011

wow I worked as a pharm tech prior to being a nurse and these stories are ones we heard everyday. Do they not realize 8903480398 other people had used the same line? Funny how the xanax got destroyed in the house fire/got flushed by 2 yr old/was in the purse and the purse was stolen

One of my patients just rang this weekend after a house fire - if it had been benzos or narcotics I'd have been more suspicious, but the call was for ARV's. I feel bad that my first thought was to look for an angle, but I think the two hours of organising a replacement dose and repeat script compensate a bit

FranEMTnurse, CNA, LPN, EMT-I · Apr 20, 2011

HAHAHAHA LOVE IT!!! :-D i just invision this little old lady walking down the hall with her bedside commode.

DITTO!!:rotfl:

cknowlton · Apr 20, 2011

Omg Thats Funny!!!!

SolaireSolstice, BSN, RN · Apr 20, 2011

Do not "mess with", "play with", or even "touch" your IV line if they seem to "come apart by themselves" (like it did a couple of days before, amazingly right above a pressure hub, again, making your chemo infused blood spill all over the floor). Especially when your nurse just hung chemotherapy. Especially when that chemotherapy is a vesicant. Especially RIGHT AT SHIFT CHANGE.

carolmaccas66, BSN, RN · Apr 22, 2011

Yeh like the lady I nursed. Kept going in to turn off her IV cos it was beeping, she kept saying 'Oh I just reached over and turned if off myself!' It's like, how many times do I need to tell you DON'T touch the IV pump! They should have a coded and locked keypad on them I reckon.