Things Patients Have Taught Me NOT To Do

Updated:   Published

what-are-things-patients-taught-you-not-to-do.jpg.119a9865abb94645f43c13239f934ba4.jpg

Never....NEVER...cut a potato in half and use it as a pessary! :eek:

Anybody got anything to add?

Specializes in Med/Surg, DSU, Ortho, Onc, Psych.
Man, that's going to be tough to remember ;)

I read a freaky story not long ago re a woman who when she went to the ED/ER, the doctor found an old potatoe or potatoes up her lady parts which had taken root and had grown up into her cervix and uterus! Of course everything had to be removed. She said she shoved them up there to stop her uterus falling out!

Another old, dangerous wives tale that should definitely NOT be followed!

1
Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Civilian+military ER, CVICU.
I read a freaky story not long ago re a woman who when she went to the ED/ER, the doctor found an old potatoe or potatoes up her lady parts which had taken root and had grown up into her cervix and uterus! Of course everything had to be removed. She said she shoved them up there to stop her uterus falling out!

Another old, dangerous wives tale that should definitely NOT be followed!

wowwwwww, ewwwwww!

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Don't confuse your jar of Vicks Vapo rub with Your hemorroid cream.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in PACU.

Drinking and recreational activities such as skateboarding are not compatible. You just might fall and get hurt.

Do not stab yourself in the gut to get out of doing housework.

Don't jump off of the swing.

Riding bulls is quite dangerous.

Don't stick anything up your bum. It's always awkward when you can't get it out.

If you have abdominal pain it is a good idea to go to the ER before your bowel is totally toast.

Please do not pull your urinary stent partially out and wave it at your PACU RN. You may traumatize him (plus it hurts).

Don't drink with people who are inclined to shoot you.

Do not operate an electric knife while drinking and watching television. You just might slice your fingers up badly enough to need surgery.

If you're having abdominal pain late at night do not use cocaine to keep yourself awake because you're "afraid to go to sleep." It just may cause the surgery to repair your problem to be postponed due to tachycardia and potential for anesthesia complications.

Do not run from the police dog. He will catch you and you will indeed need surgery after he's through with you.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Corrections; Advice Nurse.

love this thread!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Corrections; Advice Nurse.

humor is good for the soul.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Corrections; Advice Nurse.

i am laughing so hard reading some of these stories.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Corrections; Advice Nurse.

Every patient has something to teach us.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Corrections; Advice Nurse.

they keep us laughing and employed.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Med-Surg, Psych, Tele, ICU.

...when you're admitted for severe pancreatitis and are made NPO, don't sneak out of the hospital (still in your gown) and go to the convenience store across the street to buy an entire bag of junk food to bring with you back to you room. And when you eat some of this junk food and become even more violently ill, don't scream at the nurses that "it's your fault I feel like sh*t!"

[

wow...had that happen to me as a new nurse, in 1991.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I have learned the following:

Never walk to the store "minding your own business" because someone will start randomly shooting and you will be shot in the leg.

Be aware of "them two dudes". You know "it was these two dudes who started....."

If you "murder someone on wax" be prepared to shot.

Riding a motorcycle can cause you to fall 60 feet over a bridge.

Never smoke crack with your girlfriend and admit to cheating on her, she will stab you in the chest. You will end up with bilaterally chest tubes and a stay in the ICU.

Drinking ONLY one beer a day will cause your skin to turn yellow and your stomach to grow big.

Only having "a couple of beers" will cause you to break into someone's house, think it's your house, resulting in the police being called, and you being roughed up, dragged, and handcuffed to the strectcher for a visit to the ER to "sober up".

Can you tell I work in a Level I trauma center????

Up Vote Up Vote ×
If you have an IUD, try to avoid intercourse with men who have member rings. Hoops, especially, are mightily attracted to those little strings. However, please don't take this advice to mean you should perform a quick at-home trim on your own with your nail scissors.

I commend you TennNurse, I gasped in horror not once, but TWICE while reading this.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Join the Discussion