Things Patients Have Taught Me NOT To Do

Skips, MSN, RN · Jan 3, 2011

I wish some people weren't allowed to breed.....these examples with children involved sicken me! Poor kids.

cam-retiredrn · Mar 16, 2011

Never....NEVER...cut a potato in half and use it as a pessary! :uhoh21: :uhoh21: :eek: :uhoh21: :uhoh21:
Anybody got anything to add?

Never use your hand to clear snow from a clogged snow blower while it is still turned on.

Never add charcoal lighter fluid to a fire that is already lit.

morte, LPN, LVN · Mar 16, 2011

Never use your hand to clear snow from a clogged snow blower while it is still turned on.
Never add charcoal lighter fluid to a fire that is already lit.

disconect the spark plug on that snow blower!

FranEMTnurse, CNA, LPN, EMT-I · Mar 16, 2011

Never ever step on a wet step to get onto a hay mowing machine.

tainted1972, ASN, RN · Mar 17, 2011

Although the X-rays are cool to look at, Do not swallow a steak knife.

If you are lucky enough to survive and escape major injury from swallowing a steak knife. Do not do it again, you will NOT be as lucky as the first time.

Don't assume that jumping off of a highway overpass will kill you.

If you pull out your own foley, you will bleed a LOT.

If you get drunk, do not fall asleep (or pass out) in a tent with your feet hanging out. It may snow 21 inches and you might lose your feet.

Things I have learned from other nurses.

Do not expect the pulse ox to have a correct reading, if you are taking the blood pressure in the same arm. And while trying to get the same patient to breathe through his nose (to get more o2 from the nasal cannula) do not cover his mouth. .. Yes this is true... not one nurse but 2 nurses were trying to figure out why his o2 sats were low.

Make sure that the pulse ox is on correctly before calling a code.. sometimes when the sensor is on upside down it will give an incorrect reading... LOL!

Make sure you read all labels even if it is just barrier cream, you may accidentally grab the colostomy adhesive and end up gluing your patients bottom to her bed sheet.

From the doctors..

Do not put your hand into a wound dehisence and say "oh S*&t" when you discover it goes all the way into the abdominal cavity (while the family is watching).

Do not ignore that pain in your right side, it may be an appendicitis, if you ignore it, it may rupture. ( a surgeon did this)

allnurses Guide · Mar 17, 2011

Make sure you read all labels even if it is just barrier cream, you may accidentally grab the colostomy adhesive and end up gluing your patients bottom to her bed sheet.

lol!

Or for that matter, don't confuse a generic tube of muscle cream with generic tube of denture adhesive.

Blech!

minkajane · Mar 21, 2011

OK, I'm a medical assistant and not a nurse, but I do have a few, a couple from people I know and a couple from the chiropractic clinic I spent some time at.

If your chest is tight and you're having shooting pains down your left arm, do not refuse to take your nitro. If the pain gets worse and you're SOB, take your wife up on the offer to go to the ER. Do not insist you just need a good night's sleep. You won't wake up. (My father-in-law, he didn't make it.)

If you've had a previous heart attack and know the signs, you probably should know it's not a good idea to drive yourself to the hospital. You won't make it there. (My roommate's dad - they found him in his truck smashed into a tree. The impact was not what killed him.)

Don't insist that the cute young MA be the one to hook you up to the decompression bed. She WILL notice the erection and she just might respond by strapping you in a wee bit tighter than is necessary and crank up the settings just a bit more than you need. That erection you're oh so proud of won't last long.

If your toddler yanks on the leads for the TENS electrodes, they will come out and we will have to replace them. The next day when she yanks on them again, they will come out again. The lesson here - stop letting your kid yank on the leads! Those things are expensive!

Please for the love of all that is good and holy, BATHE before coming in! Laying on the hot pads during treatment makes you sweaty, which does not help the smell. I actually have to TOUCH you to take the electrodes off.

Do not try to convert your MA to your religion of choice. Yes, I realize I'm wearing a pentacle and that makes me a filthy heathen, but quoting the bible at me will not change my mind. And I promise my religion doesn't rub off from just being around me - it's not necessary to sing hymns under your breath whenever I'm in the room.

CrazierThanYou · Mar 21, 2011

OK, I'm a medical assistant and not a nurse, but I do have a few, a couple from people I know and a couple from the chiropractic clinic I spent some time at.
If your chest is tight and you're having shooting pains down your left arm, do not refuse to take your nitro. If the pain gets worse and you're SOB, take your wife up on the offer to go to the ER. Do not insist you just need a good night's sleep. You won't wake up. (My father-in-law, he didn't make it.)
If you've had a previous heart attack and know the signs, you probably should know it's not a good idea to drive yourself to the hospital. You won't make it there. (My roommate's dad - they found him in his truck smashed into a tree. The impact was not what killed him.)
Don't insist that the cute young MA be the one to hook you up to the decompression bed. She WILL notice the erection and she just might respond by strapping you in a wee bit tighter than is necessary and crank up the settings just a bit more than you need. That erection you're oh so proud of won't last long.
If your toddler yanks on the leads for the TENS electrodes, they will come out and we will have to replace them. The next day when she yanks on them again, they will come out again. The lesson here - stop letting your kid yank on the leads! Those things are expensive!
Please for the love of all that is good and holy, BATHE before coming in! Laying on the hot pads during treatment makes you sweaty, which does not help the smell. I actually have to TOUCH you to take the electrodes off.
Do not try to convert your MA to your religion of choice. Yes, I realize I'm wearing a pentacle and that makes me a filthy heathen, but quoting the bible at me will not change my mind. And I promise my religion doesn't rub off from just being around me - it's not necessary to sing hymns under your breath whenever I'm in the room.

My ex-fiance's mother, who was an RN, knew she was having a heart attack. Instead of telling anyone, she got into her car and drove to the hospital where she worked, about 80 miles away. She lived but it was an incredibly stupid move.

WinterpegLPN · Mar 23, 2011

If you are going to film yourself drunk doing motor scooter stunts in Las Vegas, don't try and do the filming yourself.

If you are goinng to get seriously hammered, wear a helmet.

Look before you dive, the water isn't as deep as you think it is.

FranEMTnurse, CNA, LPN, EMT-I · Mar 23, 2011

If you have been arrested for DUIs in the past, don't show up at your court hearing intoxicated holding an open can of beer in your hand. You might not like the result.

Not_A_Hat_Person, RN · Mar 26, 2011

Make sure you read all labels even if it is just barrier cream, you may accidentally grab the colostomy adhesive and end up gluing your patients bottom to her bed sheet.

On a related note, do not store Calmoseptine on the bathroom counter, near the toothpaste.

Natkat, BSN, MSN, RN · Mar 27, 2011

If you are a dialysis patient who is on fall precautions, do not insist that have to use the bathroom and refuse the bedpan because "my butt touches the bottom of it". The hospital does not have the staff to drag you to the bathroom. Do not then threaten to crap yourself because no one will take you to the bathroom. I will let you crap yourself and then sit in it until dialysis is over because we cannot move you around to clean you up during dialysis, besides which it is an infection control issue to unleash that e. coli with an open catheter. Now ask yourself, would you rather have a little BM touching your precious little butt sitting in the bedpan, or a huge code brown squishing up your back, down your legs, in your buttcrack and a room-clearing stench? It's ok. I'm used to the smell. It doesn't bother me, but you'd better apologize to your family sitting there gagging and retching.

Just get over yourself and use the bedpan.