Things Patients Have Taught Me NOT To Do

Mahage, LPN · Apr 15, 2009

Do not immediately scream at your mother's oncoming nurse to make sure mama gets taken care of, it could get security called on you.....do not pack 8 people inside a room and 26 outside the door and be offended when your family and friends are asked to relocate to another area. Don't let little kids play in the hospital floor.

Mahage, LPN · Apr 15, 2009

Do not work your hand free when in restraints and stroke your nurses body as it will certainly get your restraints tightened up. Don't spit your meds out accross the room, they may be your pain meds!

squeakykitty · Apr 16, 2009

Never do anything you wouldn't want to explain to the EMTs or ER staff.

rph3664 · Apr 16, 2009

Never do anything you wouldn't want to explain to the EMTs or ER staff.

Or, for that matter, your spouse, parents, co-workers, neighbors, etc.

Not_A_Hat_Person, RN · Apr 19, 2009

If you abuse your kids, don't expect them to take care of you in your old age. Karma is a ****.

Wear shoes when you cut the grass, even if you are "just" using a weedwhacker.

Never drive if you have been drinking.

3boysmom3 · Apr 21, 2009

I work in a clinic- things I never thought of until I saw it with my own eyes-

-Never call and say "I have to see the doctor today, it's an emergency"- and then when the nurse says to come on in now and they'll work you in, say "Oh, no, not right now- I have a hair appointment!"

-Never show up without an appointment and demand to be seen, AND then say "I can't wait long, I have to be somewhere."

-Never come to a new patient appointment and say "I think that my medications are making me feel bad", and when asked what medications you are taking, say "I'm not sure".

-Never call in sick to your doctor's appointment. ("I didn't show up because I was feeling bad.")

-Never keep the doctor in the room for half an hour, and after he's left and gone to the next patient, tell the nurse "I wanted to ask him something else."

-Never make small talk so long and then wait til the doctor starts to leave the room before dropping the "big problem" that you really came in for.

-Never come in complaining of a possible UTI and when asked for a specimen, say "I just went."

-Never leave a message on the nurse's voicemail, and then continue to leave one every five minutes until she returns your call.

-Never give in to the urge to tell the receptionist it's an "emergency" in order to avoid the voicemail and have her go find the nurse and pull her out of an exam room, only to then tell the nurse you need a refill.

I could go on and on but I'll let someone else have a turn!!!

HappyBunnyNurse · Apr 21, 2009

Don't put your tongue ring back in without washing it if you drop in on the floor at your baby's NICU bedside. If you have an alias for your hospital stay don't tell all your friends, your abusive boyfriend will find out. Also if you text him and ask him to bring your mom to the hospital he may decide to come in too. And last but not least don't start a fight in the Ronald McDonald House... you may not be welcome again.

pooh54 · Apr 22, 2009

I work in a clinic- things I never thought of until I saw it with my own eyes-
-Never call and say "I have to see the doctor today, it's an emergency"- and then when the nurse says to come on in now and they'll work you in, say "Oh, no, not right now- I have a hair appointment!"
-Never show up without an appointment and demand to be seen, AND then say "I can't wait long, I have to be somewhere."
-Never come to a new patient appointment and say "I think that my medications are making me feel bad", and when asked what medications you are taking, say "I'm not sure".
-Never call in sick to your doctor's appointment. ("I didn't show up because I was feeling bad.")
-Never keep the doctor in the room for half an hour, and after he's left and gone to the next patient, tell the nurse "I wanted to ask him something else."
-Never make small talk so long and then wait til the doctor starts to leave the room before dropping the "big problem" that you really came in for.
-Never come in complaining of a possible UTI and when asked for a specimen, say "I just went."
-Never leave a message on the nurse's voicemail, and then continue to leave one every five minutes until she returns your call.
-Never give in to the urge to tell the receptionist it's an "emergency" in order to avoid the voicemail and have her go find the nurse and pull her out of an exam room, only to then tell the nurse you need a refill.
I could go on and on but I'll let someone else have a turn!!!

The old By the Way! Much experience with this one and it inevitably is the worst! The most recent BTW was a 7 yo in frank SVT's, requiring mucho meds and time in the Er with a trk to a level 1 where they ended up doing a trans-esophageal pacing to reteurn to NSR. Those BTW"s sacre me!

LPN0608 · Apr 22, 2009

Please do not bring your 3 small kids under 5 to your pelvic exam and expect the nurse to babysit for you!!

chellelynn25 · Apr 26, 2009

Don't show up at your cousins house with a stab wound just because his girlfriend is a nurse.

Coriander, BSN, RN · Apr 26, 2009

A piece of bread is NOT a good substitute for a tampon. (Resident was in her 80's and had dementia.)

Don't use your bagel as a stimulation device in front of your female tablemates. This will involve much screaming which will panic the staff.

Don't use your rectum as a safe place to hide a stolen fork because you are not allowed to have forks at meals.

Coriander, BSN, RN · Apr 27, 2009

But this is wonderful! She can name her other kids 90 Degree and Slide Rule!

I just spit coffee all over my desk!!! :rotfl:

If you MUST self circumsise, with an electic carving knife...
learn which bit to cut off!

Oh no he didn't....

One of the GROSSEST things that a patient taught me is to never, ever insert a whole, frozen fish into the lady parts and leave it there (for a week!) to 'cure' an infection!!! I also learned from this to wear a gas mask while the MD is removing this mess...:trout:

Back in a sec. I've changed my mind about what to have for dinner. :chair: