In light of recent posts declaring rude, judgemental, and negative behavior by nurses on this forum, I ask: why do those making these posts even care? First, these are internet strangers. Second, if they are rude, judgemental, negative, why not just call the individual on the behavior(appropriately)? What is the point of making a post complaining about it? That leads to more of the same. If there are "rude" posters, your complaining about them isn't going to change their behavior. This should be a forum where people can be candid in response to questions without someone crying in distress. If someone mocks, argues, or expresses an "offensive" viewpoint, who cares? I want to know their viewpoint even if it differs from mine, and doesn't necessary make me feel "good". I want to know their version, even if it creates dissonance. The way I see it, this forum is really a true representation of what is going on in people's minds that they wouldn't necessary tell someone to his face. What's wrong with that?
There is a way to be blunt, honest and not sugar coat things without being mean and nasty. I don't know why it's always assumed these things have to coincide together.
I don't get the whole "i'm so offended" thing.... to me it is a forum - like said above, internet strangers. For me, there is way more helpfulness and encouragement on this site than negativity.
You know, it may be a regional thing too. I think people on here are way nicer than nurses I have interacted with in person. For instance, where I am from - the population tends to be a bit abrasive. Where I live now, out west, people are unbearably nice. Not a sarcastic bone in their bodies. So they probably don't get me.
I don't get easily offended, however I do not like to offend others and that is my only problem with the forum things.... some people get offended too easily and seem to misconstrue everything.
Food for thought.
It's the same with different states in Australia. I'm in Southern Australia at the mo and people are very religious, conservative, closed-minded and keep to themselves and their little, safe groups. Up north and over in Western Australia, they are very open and chatty.
Someone actually found 'who peed in your cornflakes' offensive?
Guess I can't use my favourite line anymore....oh hell, maybe just one more time:
"Do you need help with that st!ck up your woohoo?"
Both these comments show the childish/teenage level that AN has sunk to, instead of being a professional forum where people can come and give constructive advice and criticism.
AN has got very, very snarky, and disappointing to read. I for one hardly visit anymore due to this, in fact, it's all getting a bit tiresome. It's a game of 'I'm better qualified than you/have nursed for more years than you, and I'm going to get one up on you no matter what today'. If that's living, well good luck to you if you all enjoy that.
I enjoy most comments, but these ones are just GROSS.
Both these comments show the childish/teenage level that AN has sunk to, instead of being a professional forum where people can come and give constructive advice and criticism.
AN has got very, very snarky, and disappointing to read. I for one hardly visit anymore due to this, in fact, it's all getting a bit tiresome. It's a game of 'I'm better qualified than you/have nursed for more years than you, and I'm going to get one up on you no matter what today'. If that's living, well good luck to you if you all enjoy that.
I enjoy most comments, but these ones are just GROSS.
eh, for me personally, i kind of feel like these comments are said in good humor and shouldn't be taken seriously. a) it diffuses some tension to have a silly little "saying" and b) i don't feel like anybody is talking down to me when they say stuff like that...i just get reminded to not take myself too seriously. and as far as the comments being "gross," i think i speak for many AN members when i say i LOVE "gross." haha!
i was going to say that i hope i haven't offended anyone in my postings here, but honestly, i don't care if i have. because i know that when i post, i make a concentrated effort to write politely, cordially, and in the same way i would speak to the OP in person. internet anonymity brings out the worst in people, and i try very hard to not allow that to happen to myself when i'm writing.
i've said it before, and i'll say it again...let's all agree to ban together and tell the true trolls that they're not wanted by refusing to feed them! and if there's some dissent, let's remember that it is possible (and in my opinion, IMPORTANT) to disagree with one another while maintaining our most basic manners. it seems silly to come here to complain about administration, MDs, and pts treating us disprespectfully, and then turn around and disrespect the crap out of one another. enough with the oversensitivity; if they don't know they're upsetting you they will probably stop trying to get at you!
at this point i feel compelled to recall something our mothers taught us:
IF YOU DONT HAVE SOMETHING NICE TO SAY (OR A WAY TO SAY WHAT YOU NEED TO SAY NICELY), DON'T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL.
For me personally, if a thread goes into the "twilight zone" I just move on. If I post a comment and someone does not agree with it, I don't take it personally cause they do not know me and I do not know them. Just like my opinion is mines, they are equally entitled. You never know what someone has/is going through and for some certain comments or subjects can strike a cord.
There is a saying "pressure can break a pipe". If a subject that is sensitive to some people comes up then who knows, that could be the breaking point for them. What I see is people being very passionate and expressing their beliefs even if it goes off track... Yes there is a lot of venting, and the way I see it some can only see their own pain and have no clue about how their comments affect others while they are feeling that pain. See, this is also a vent post... no offense, just an observation. I do see your point though.
Both these comments show the childish/teenage level that AN has sunk to, instead of being a professional forum where people can come and give constructive advice and criticism.
AN has got very, very snarky, and disappointing to read.
an's has sunk and gotten very, very snarky??
like, as in the entire membership, half a million have gotten snarky??
or perhaps more realistically, some members? most members? few members? what is it, carol?
sometimes i LOVE returning to my teen years, and acting like a kid.
acting all hoity-toity gets old.
ftr, the majority DO give constructive advice/critcism.
i think you know that, too.
if you got offended at 'who peed in your cornflakes', i suppose that limits me from asking, 'how many suck pills did you take today'?
then there's the whole dynamic of "when it's me, it's honest ... when it's you, it's rude/offensive/snarky/young-eating".
i'd say that i'm offended at least as much as i offend others. while i do make a real effort to be reasonably civil, i do not pretend to agree or approve of everything i read here. if i don't really care about the subject, i move on ... if i do care, i'll say my piece.
one of the unspoken (in this thread, at least) assumptions is that nurses are required to be endlessly therapeutic in their interactions. any deviation from the unconditional positive regard used in psychotherapy is bad. i personally find that a dangerously unhealthy expectation.
don't ask the questions if you don't really want to hear the answers.
heron: beautifully stated! it should be known that this is the second time since i joined an that you have captured my sentiments precisely. now, if you would kindly get out of my head, xavier. (sorry, i have been watching too much x-men lately.)
there is a way to be blunt, honest and not sugar coat things without being mean and nasty. i don't know why it's always assumed these things have to coincide together.
exactly. i will elaborate further below...
i personally feel that if you wouldn't say something to someone's face you shouldn't say it online.
in one of the threads that's being talked about, i got 'roasted', as it were. to be honest my posts were out of frustration due to our dysfunctional government. it was brought to my attention that some things i mentioned were wrong but i'm not put out by it or offended, i actually learned from the other posters.
you perceived responses to your post as a [roast]"; i perceived certain responses as a logical refutation to your stated truth. other truths were not your truth. thus, points were presented to the contrary. no roasting was taking place. i am glad you learned from other posters; now i am curious of the specifics.
with due respect, i was not angry. i was frustrated and amazed at some of the attacks on another thread. i wasn't looking for a reaction- more assumptions that were acted upon without clarification. as has been said on many threads, you can't 'read' tone or intent online.
are we really going here again? who's looking for reaction??? anybody? somebody? nobody? do you even know? does the op really care, or are they looking for a reaction?
:hhmth:
it was in the context of an overall hostile thread, that didn't need to go there..... irl, no- it's not offensive when people can see the intent and tone. :)
again, a difference of perception. i did not view the comments in the thread as an attack or hostile. you stated that you perceived it as an "overall hostile thread". you were ready to leave an altogether; i hope not based solely on that thread.
in a non-related post, i expressed open contempt towards a drunk driver that killed several people. another poster, gfm, pointed out that "everyone has a purpose, if only to set a bad example." the truth is, she made me realize that sometimes things can be learned where you don't necessarily expect them. if you don't immediately jump to conclusions, everyone is more open in the end.
another poster commented that there are regional variations, i definitely agree, as i will never forget that waitress in nyc that stated in reply to my comment of "this cake is dry" with "what do you want me to do with it, eat it?" at the time, i was so offended. nowadays, i laugh and would have had a few choice words of my own for her. think george constanza s/p fact with planning sarcastic remarks.
now, back to watching x-men, or heron, because apparently they have the same power.
:bugeyes:
:rotfl:
I just move on. If I post a comment and someone does not agree with it, I don't take it personally cause they do not know me and I do not know them. Just like my opinion is mines, they are equally entitled. You never know what someone has/is going through and for some certain comments or subjects can strike a cord.
Yes there is a lot of venting, and the way I see it some can only see their own pain and have no clue about how their comments affect others while they are feeling that pain. See, this is also a vent post... no offense, just an observation.
I do see your point though.
xtxrn, ASN, RN
4,267 Posts
That's very true