The Nurse on the Other Side

[sheilagood52]

Me...the Patient

You thought I didn't notice the fake, tight smile you gave me, but I did. I heard the edge of irritation in your voice and saw the roll of your eyes as you turned away. And, for future reference, your mouth does funny things when you're biting your tongue.

I didn't hear the things you said to your co-workers as soon as you cleared the room, but I heard them in my mind as if standing next to you.

"God, the patient in 505 is intolerable." The others teetered as you described me.

"Bet she's a nurse; is she?"

I imagine you couldn't pull my patient record and demographics up fast enough in search of my occupation. You groan echoed loudly, "She's an MSN."

The others laughed at your misfortune and walked away.

You wrote your name on the whiteboard in my room with a flourish and told me to call if I needed anything. But, you didn't mean it. I saw the hurried and dismissive way you wrote resenting the nuisance board.

You checked the orders for the day, scanned the most recent labs for obvious outliers, made a note of the meds to dole out, and moved on. You didn't delve into my history, or the reason I ended up in the emergency room; you didn't have time. Yet, discovering I was a nurse, made you cringe.

Am I Your Worst Nightmare?

I'm your worst nightmare or so you say; right next to the physician-patient, you had last week. I'm your patient and I hold a master's degree in nursing. I know things, lots of things about medicine, the role and responsibility of nurses, and more about the disease ravaging my body than most physicians. Knowledge is a powerful thing, and, yes, sometimes too much is a dangerous thing. Physicians see me occasionally and this is my first encounter with you, but I live with the complications of my illness every day. If I had to choose, I'd take more knowledge over less any day.

But, why does finding out I'm a nurse, bring out the worst in you? Why the snippy attitude or rolling eyes? Why should I hide the fact I'm a nurse? We're supposed to be kindred spirits.

I'm not here to grade your performance or make you feel, whatever you're feeling. I'm here to get well. A little compassion from one nurse to another will go a long way in making that happen.

I no longer practice nursing, not in an official capacity, but I remember what inspired me. I wanted to be like Florence Nightingale, help the sick, cure cancer, or the next big disease threatening to wipe out humanity. I had big plans. I'd advocate for my patients, unique in their illness and they would remember me with fondness. Although my career was cut short, I still maintain my license and keep up with medical practices. Nursing is a way of life for me. It's who I am.

The Healthcare System

The whole health care system is unrecognizable to me these days. Nurses are still overworked and underpaid. Electronic charting and medical records have nurses spending more time in front of the computer than at the bedside, and patient care has become check-offs on a computer screen.

Remember the lab values I asked about?

"They were normal," you said. Did you bother to review the pattern of my previous labs? No, you evaded my questions and became annoyed. If you had, you would've realized they weren't normal, not for me. One size does not fit all.

To you, I'm the pain in the *** nurse-patient in room 505, but this is my life, my body, and my pain. I should have a say; I've earned it.

One day you will be me, the nurse on the other side, receiving instead of giving care. Tired, sick, and afraid, the truth of who you are will slip out as your own knowledge compels you to ask questions and push for answers. Clinging to the last bit of control you have, you'll pay attention to the care you receive as never before. Once a nurse, you're always a nurse.

That time will come faster than you can imagine. When it does, you'll want a compassionate nurse. One, who listens, answers questions, takes your concerns seriously, and treats you with the respect every nurse deserves no matter her age or circumstances, not one who rolls her eyes in impatient mockery.

[Susie2310]

I haven't seen anything inappropriate or unreasonable in the OP's post. She has the same rights as any other patient to ask questions about her care and to expect and receive considerate, respectful care. None of us know what medical problems brought her to the facility. I don't see any evidence in her post that she expects special treatment because she has a MSN; the fact that this information is in her record doesn't signify that she expects special treatment. Why shouldn't she mention that she has an MSN? Patients often mention information they feel is relevant, or sometimes are just making conversation.

Why can't the OP describe her experience as a patient and what she felt the shortcomings of that experience were without being challenged, disbelieved, told she is unreasonable, selfish, etc? Nurses express their views about patients/providing care to patients very frequently on this forum, and the patient is not there to offer their side of the story.

[canigraduate]

Susie2310 said:

I haven't seen anything inappropriate or unreasonable in the OP's post. She has the same rights as any other patient to ask questions about her care and to expect and receive considerate, respectful care. None of us know what medical problems brought her to the facility. I don't see any evidence in her post that she expects special treatment because she has a MSN; the fact that this information is in her record doesn't signify that she expects special treatment. Why shouldn't she mention that she has an MSN? Patients often mention information they feel is relevant, or sometimes are just making conversation.

Why can't the OP describe her experience as a patient and what she felt the shortcomings of that experience were without being challenged, disbelieved, told she is unreasonable, selfish, etc? Nurses express their views about patients/providing care to patients very frequently on this forum and the patient is not there to offer their side of the story.

Here are some more rhetorical questions:

Why are you deliberately misinterpreting what other posters have said?

Is it AN's purpose to be a support group or is it a public forum?

She posted her largely imaginary experience and it was responded to by people who agreed with her interpretation of events or who called her on her fantasy.

Neither response is inappropriate.

[sheilagood52, ADN, BSN, MSN, RN]

Imaginary experience? Fantasy? Your response is inappropriate and inaccurate. My experience is my experience, as is every patient's. Just because you don't like to think it happened, doesn't mean it didn't. I didn't share this article as an exercise in fantasy. But, the slander on my character and the hostility that has been demonstrated by nurses who claim to care for patients has been disappointing.

This is a public forum and I appreciate this issue has stirred so much conversation. I only wished the response had been one looking for ways our profession could improve nurse to patient relationships. Unfortunately, it would appear by some responses, patient care is simply another task to be completed in another busy day. No wonder patients, including me, feel as if the health care system has let us down.

[Susie2310]

canigraduate said:

Why are you deliberately misinterpreting what other posters have said?

I do my own interpreting. I think for myself.

[canigraduate]

Most of what you wrote is based on what you imagined the nurse felt and what her illusory coworkers may have said. I am merely restating what you wrote.

That is the definition of fantasy.

Now you are fantasizing about what I may have been thinking.

"Just because you don't like to think it happened..."

What, exactly, did happen? The nurse wrote her name on the board and didn't want to go over the labs with you. Which, by the way, was the provider's job and not the nurse's.

The rest of what you wrote was conjecture, interpretation, and imagination.

Go back and read what you have written, objectively. It's a story, and a rather dramatic one.

[Tex.]

Knowing the patient is a nurse does change things for me. You, the nurse/patient, expect more because you KNOW more. We can use that information and harness the good parts....we can communicate on a level that most days we never get to do with our patients. We get it. You get me. I get you.

OP may have picked up on some nonverbal cues the nurse was sending, but it is entirely possible that the nurse/patient was projecting.

[canigraduate]

Missed this the first time through.

I believe you are mistaken about who is being defensive. I'm pretty sure the tone of my post was disbelieving, not defensive. But, I'm sure you will interpret it however you like, anyway.

[icuRNmaggie, BSN, RN]

When you're the one lying there, bleeding profusely and the doctors are talking about intubation, you might think twice before calling it manufactured drama. You can bet when my life is on the line, I will ask questions and if that makes irritates a particular nurse, too bad.

In the context of this life threatening emergency, it is even less plausible that a nurse would talk trash

about the patient because she happens to be a retired nurse.

We are highly protective of retired nurses.

I am reasonably certain that this nurse was waiting

for these doctors to make a decision so that she could help you understand the plan of care. It is quite a leap to consider this nurse to nurse hostility.

Our superpower as nurses is to know when someone is genuine and your story is not.

[Tex.]

When you're the one lying there, bleeding profusely and the doctors are talking about intubation, you might think twice before calling it manufactured drama. You can bet when my life is on the line, I will ask questions and if that makes irritates a particular nurse, too bad.

In the context of this life threatening emergency, it is even less plausible that a nurse would talk trash

about the patient because she happens to be a retired nurse.

I am reasonably certain that this nurse was waiting

for these doctors to make a decision so that she could help you understand the plan of care. It is quite a leap to consider this nurse to nurse hostility.

Our superpower as nurses is to know when someone is genuine and your story is not.

^hands icuRNmaggie her cape^

[dream'n, BSN, RN]

If nurses appear rushed, it is because we ARE rushed; not because you are a retired MSN. Sometimes a shift can consist of constantly putting out fires and just keeping someone alive. For you to have 'noticed' all of this including how the nurse signed her name on your whiteboard, it sounds as if you were somewhat stable. Therefore your nurse was probably also assigned a patient that was very time consuming and NOT stable. When this happens to me I try very carefully to hide my emotions, but when I run into the stable patient's room so she knows I haven't forgotten her and she wants to discuss labs in detail, I do inwardly grown as I think of the dying patient I need to hurry back to. Also I seldom have the time to delve deeply in a chart. This is not a nurse on nurse issue and you are complaining to the wrong people. If you feel you need more nurse attention than complain to management about staffing and acuity on the floor. DO NOT make this nursing's fault. Put the blame where it lies, on management.

Even if every perception you had of this nurse in the OP is true; some nurses are just a*******. It's a shame they're in the nursing profession, but it is what it is. Same as some cops, teachers, plumbers, doctors, accountants, etc.

Having nurses as patients can be intimidating to some, but I've only seen that make the nervous nurse work even harder to appear greatly competent (which is a shame as they should do their best for every patient). I also am the exact opposite of you when I or a family member are a patient. At those times I think of the roughest, toughest shifts I've ever had and wonder how my nurse's shift is going. I try to be as understanding and empathetic to him/her as I can. And realize that not all people's personalities are really compatible.

[ak2190]

It seems like you're upset that your nurse was busy and didn't spend extra time with you giving you individualized/immersive treatment to the degree you'd like. Unfortunately for all of us, that's a reality in today's healthcare environment. I don't care if my patient is a nurse, physician, or CEO. My time is split among my patients according to acuity and prioritization. For example, last night my priority was a patient circling the drain requiring multiple transfusions, not the guy who wanted me to sit next to his bedside and go over his entire medical history with me when he's a relatively stable walkie talkie who is no longer having melena and H&H is stable. Would I like to spend 30 minutes going over his habits and practices to identify exactly how and where it all started and how to fix his myriad of issues? Sure. But looks like 403's pressure is 61/30 and now I gotta run. We don't have the staffing to focus on the extras, the stuff above and beyond keeping people alive, unharmed, and relatively comfortable.

[elkpark]

Susie2310 said:

A number of nurses have posted information about their unsatisfactory experiences as patients on this forum. Her unsatisfactory experience as a (nurse) patient is not unique by any means.

Of course not. I've had "unsatisfactory experiences" as a healthcare client, and with many other types of services and businesses over the years. However, I was able to recognize that the fact that I would have preferred a different experience did not necessarily mean that the providers had done anything wrong or been deficient in any way. Sometimes people have unrealistic expectations. Are nurses expected to, on top of what we are already required to do for clients, fully satisfy every individual's hopes and wishes for the experience, regardless of how unrealistic they may be?