Got to thinking about this one today, and was reminded of it when I read another thread on here...what's teh dumbest thing you've ever heard in nursing, as an explanation for a malady?
For example, the one that sticks out for me is one that I heard as a new nurse, many moons ago. I was doing an assessment on a patient, and a family member of said patient had her sone with her, who was profoundly mentally and physically handicapped. Of course, I would have never presumed to ask the nature of his complaint, but she was only too happy to volunteer it.
"When he was born, the nurse in the room had long fingernails and she scratched his head. That's why he's like this. It's all her fault. We tried to sue her, but the judge threw out the case."
I was stunned, to say the least, and didn't challenge it as hogwash outright, but I did ask,
"Did she puncture his scalp with her nails?"
"No, she just scratched him on the head. It didn't show, but she did it."
You can bet money I was VERY thorough with that assessment. Heaven forbid the lady get staph or some other dread condition because my hair or eyelashes were too long.
Anyone else ever heard a completely absurd reasoning for someone's ailments?
I have had many a Mexican migrant tell me the ER gave them diabetes. They lived in Mexico all their lives and once they came to America we gave them diabetes.
Mother of a febrile child came to the ER. I asked if she had given them Motrin or Tylenol. She said no that was MY job. (Whatever you do don't take an active role in your own child's survival).
A boyfriend of one of our frequent fliers came in and asked for a "description" for some pain medicine. I drew a picture of a tablet and a capsule on the bed sheet (True story).
A mother came in frantically to the ER wanting us to "test" her daughters linen to see if she had been having sex. (Um, watching too much CSI?)
I once had a conversation with this dude in a bar that if you signed your organ donor card that the ER staff won't try to save you. (He didn't know I was an ER nurse).
.... so many examples. I keep saying I should write a book. At least keep a journal.
I had a man ask if his mom's brain death is reversable. Uh...no brain death isn't reversable. This man agreed to donate his mom's organs. We were in the process of placing the organs when he asked me this.
Not from a patient but from my mother-in-law. After delievering our daughter 2 months premature, my mother-in-law said, "Wow! That's odd. She was born two months premature and he (points to my DH) was TWO MONTHS LATE, I guess it balances out" ummmm..you're saying you were pregnant for ELEVEN MONTHS?!
Tired to explain there was no way in heck that he was two months past his due date. No amount of medical reasoning would change her mind. She was insistant that she was due the middle of July but he wasn't born until the end of September (so that would be 2 1/2 months late!). I tried to reason that perhaps she WAS pregnant and had a very early miscarriage but then got pregnant again right away, thus it appeared she was preg for 11 1/2 months. Nope she refused to believe anything anyone told her..she WAS pregnant for 11 1/2 months with the same baby..
Had an ex-boyfriend and his mother who insisted that he was not vaccinated for ?? (the one that would leave that circular looking scar on the upper arm). But he HAD the scar and he was immune to ??. She said that his sister (only 11 months older) had gotten it but he and his sister had put their arms together and sat like that for a while playing and he was vaccinated that way b/c the "medicine" went from her arm to his. Umm, ok but how come her scar/vaccine mark is on her left arm and so is his??
From a fellow nursing student while in LPN school..."You can absorb other peoples DNA and immunizations by living together for years..." Her reasoning was "thats why people who live together for a long time end up looking like each other" Also from her "I ain't getting no more shots..and i ain't giving noones any shots because dem shots is just the governments way of GIVING you the disease so they can study it!" She was a doozy, the things she said made most of us just cringe and want to slide under the desks! And yes, she passed the program..AND the NCLEX...
Specializes in Complex pedi to LTC/SA & now a manager.
From an EMS run 10+ years ago---called to the local clinic to pick up a teenager who was possibly in labor. Being the only female on the crew, the 2 guys left me in the back alone and crammed in the front. An uneventful ride to the hospital..we bring the patient to L&D directly, the guys take off like their pants are on fire. I was finishing up the paperwork & giving the nurse report when the patient said "When are you going to cut the baby out of me?" The nurse asked her if she had a planned c-section. "No, don't you cut all the babies out?" Nurse responded "Honey, the same way the baby got in there is the same way it is coming out." Pure horror on the girls face, and thus my clue to exit.
My mom & grandma believed that if you have undiagnosed cancer and have surgery, once the body is opened the cancer multiplies and you will die shortly thereafter. (Understandable as the cancer detection tests in the 60's/70;s were no where near the accuracy/availability they are now. So a found lump might be explored surgically but by the time the lump is discovered & surgically examined it is likely stage 4 with no real cure or treatment. The correlation of surgery = raging cancer all over the body/terminal diagnosis would seem accurate to someone with minimal medical knowledge.)
My one nephew (2.5y) and niece (1.5y) are a little bowlegged, which is still within the range of normal development. My sister had a congenital hip disorder and had to wear the harness. My grandmother was telling us that the only reason my sister had hip problems is that my (now late) father was too cheap to buy the right diapers. She was rather insistent. (I know one treatment is double diapers or triple thick diapers) I had to walk away before I burst out laughing. I told my mother who was nearly in tears laughing so hard.
there was a post on here a while asking if she could get AIDS from spilling breast milk on herself from a baby she was feeding in the nicu. she even called the doctor and asked him to test her.
My mom & grandma believed that if you have undiagnosed cancer and have surgery, once the body is opened the cancer multiplies and you will die shortly thereafter. (Understandable as the cancer detection tests in the 60's/70;s were no where near the accuracy/availability they are now. So a found lump might be explored surgically but by the time the lump is discovered & surgically examined it is likely stage 4 with no real cure or treatment. The correlation of surgery = raging cancer all over the body/terminal diagnosis would seem accurate to someone with minimal medical knowledge.)
I had pt not too long ago who had a similar belief. She said that she didn't want to have surgery because cancer multiplies and spreads when it's exposed to air.
My grandma is getting cortisone epidural injections for spinal stenosis, and she told me that it makes her hyper for the first few days after she gets it. She proceeds to tell me that she totally understands why athletes are tempted to use steroids because it gives her so much energy.
I had a man ask if his mom's brain death is reversable. Uh...no brain death isn't reversable. This man agreed to donate his mom's organs. We were in the process of placing the organs when he asked me this.
I once took care of child with severe hydrocephalus, and severe mental retardation, and I believe he was missing part of his brain as well. His mother asked the Dr if he could have a brain transplant. I felt so bad for this poor woman, all she wanted was for her son to get better. Sad situtation.....
When my grandmother would go to the Dr she wouldn't let the MD tell her what was wrong. The MD had to tell her daughter's instead. She was always afraid it was cancer and if the MD confirmed it and told her it was true then she would die soon from it.
My mom refuses to have a mamogram because the squeezing gives you breast cancer. No amount of arguing will change her mind.
Specializes in med-surg, psych, ER, school nurse-CRNP.
When my grandmother would go to the Dr she wouldn't let the MD tell her what was wrong. The MD had to tell her daughter's instead. She was always afraid it was cancer and if the MD confirmed it and told her it was true then she would die soon from it.
CathRN
144 Posts
too funny