Got to thinking about this one today, and was reminded of it when I read another thread on here...what's teh dumbest thing you've ever heard in nursing, as an explanation for a malady?
For example, the one that sticks out for me is one that I heard as a new nurse, many moons ago. I was doing an assessment on a patient, and a family member of said patient had her sone with her, who was profoundly mentally and physically handicapped. Of course, I would have never presumed to ask the nature of his complaint, but she was only too happy to volunteer it.
"When he was born, the nurse in the room had long fingernails and she scratched his head. That's why he's like this. It's all her fault. We tried to sue her, but the judge threw out the case."
I was stunned, to say the least, and didn't challenge it as hogwash outright, but I did ask,
"Did she puncture his scalp with her nails?"
"No, she just scratched him on the head. It didn't show, but she did it."
You can bet money I was VERY thorough with that assessment. Heaven forbid the lady get staph or some other dread condition because my hair or eyelashes were too long.
Anyone else ever heard a completely absurd reasoning for someone's ailments?
The funniest one I have heard lately was from the wife of a duo who mean well, and who I'm sure are really sweet..but God bless, they are annoying! Every time they come in, it's something. Time before, their daughter was being bullied at school (horrible, but not really an issue for your doc to address), and the last time, the chief complaint was that the wife had found a second-uncle or some such relation dead in the bathtub (again, horrible, but nothing to do).
I always have to be "rescued" by staff with these two, because they will NOT shut up. Ever. This time was no different, the med assistant practically had to drag me from the room. The wife just KEPT on talking, about her flowers, about the heat, about who was up in the next election...and finally, as we get them ushered to the door, she looks at me and goes...
"Angelfire, do you think Daddy's (her hubby) blood pressure is causing my anxiety?"
I was nice and shook my head.
But as soon as they left, the med assistant and I said at the same time,
"No, but I bet your 'anxiety' is causing Daddy's high blood pressure."
That reminds me of this sweet little couple (ok- he was sweet- and the patient; she was a bit neurotic in the most loving way she knew how...HOVERING !!). The poor guy had a bunch of stuff going on, including not being able to pee. So, he calls, and needs the urinal, and wants to stand up - OK, no problem. Wifey is on the other side of the bed, bent down, LOOKING BETWEEN his legs... Thank God he couldn't see her (but no secret she was "there")....the doc would make rounds, and ask me to PAGE him about 2 minutes after he got into the room- so I would. He would back out of the door, put the overbed table in front of the door and tell wifey that she had asked enough questions for the day ! LOL
This guy was there for a while... I actually enjoyed them- and their rabbi made me an honorary member of the synagogue after I accepted one of his wife's brownies (very good baker!!).
Teenage girl presents with abd pain in the urgent care clinic. When asked if she's sexually active, she looks at her boyfriend and smiles and says "uh, yeah!". Do you use birth control? Condoms, pills, diaphragms, anything? -stares blankly like the question was in german- "uhhh, no" Are you trying to get pregnant? (this time, she replies straight faced and serious as could be) "what? pregnant? heck no!"
I work as a tech at a busy level 4 trauma hospital and down the street we have a level 1 center. We are not meant to take trauma patients being level 4 but one day a woman walked into the ER with a massive stab wound to her R thigh that was about a foot long and fileted open down to the bone and pouring out blood. We asked her what happened and she told us " I was sleeping and when I work up it was there"
Get a glass full of water, slowly sip and count until you get to your current age, then STOP! E.g. If you are 1 year, count just one. If you are 20 years, count twenty. If you are 100 years, count hundred. Etc.
DELAYED DEV. STAGE:
If a child's developmental stage is slow, its simply because the mother ate lots and lots of snail during pregnancy!
I had a pt who I looked after post kidney transplant. At one point he told me that "a doctor" put him into renal failure purposely as an experiment to see how he would handle it. (Of course years of uncontrolled diabetes had nothing to do with it....) He went on to tell me that Dr X sat at a computer "somewhere" and decided what absolutely every pt in the renal would be taking for meds and in what dose. Had nothing to do with the clinical judgememt of the other nephrologists, just purely on Dr X's whims....
Another pt, (a Jehovah's Witness) who was being evaluated to see if he was suitable to receive a kidney transplant told our transplant surgeon that he would only be willing to accept a cadaveric kidney if the surgeon could totally guarantee that the donor was also a Jehovah's Witness in good standing (ie never having had a blood transfusion). Needless to say, he's still on the waiting list.....
I had a pt who I looked after post kidney transplant. At one point he told me that "a doctor" put him into renal failure purposely as an experiment to see how he would handle it. (Of course years of uncontrolled diabetes had nothing to do with it....) He went on to tell me that Dr X sat at a computer "somewhere" and decided what absolutely every pt in the renal would be taking for meds and in what dose. Had nothing to do with the clinical judgememt of the other nephrologists, just purely on Dr X's whims....
Another pt, (a Jehovah's Witness) who was being evaluated to see if he was suitable to receive a kidney transplant told our transplant surgeon that he would only be willing to accept a cadaveric kidney if the surgeon could totally guarantee that the donor was also a Jehovah's Witness in good standing (ie never having had a blood transfusion). Needless to say, he's still on the waiting list.....
OMG- having to have a donor in good standing w/Kingdom Hall...LOL
I live right on the Mexican border, so most (99%) of my residents were born and raised in Mexico. It must be a cultural thing, but I have heard more people say they "caught diabetes" from a "susto" (fright). I had a lady explain it to me once-apparently if you get really scared you get diabetes! I guess it has nothing to do with the crazy high obesity rate?
I posted this one in the methadone section, but I had a pt. ask if methadone came in multiple flavors beside cherry, I said no this is not a 7-11 or snow ball stand !
Geesh. I can't imagine if they did, I would never leave the clinic. I could see it now with me asking" what flavor would you like your methadone... strawberry, pina colada, or orange.
xtxrn, ASN, RN
4,267 Posts
That reminds me of this sweet little couple (ok- he was sweet- and the patient; she was a bit neurotic in the most loving way she knew how...HOVERING !!). The poor guy had a bunch of stuff going on, including not being able to pee. So, he calls, and needs the urinal, and wants to stand up - OK, no problem. Wifey is on the other side of the bed, bent down, LOOKING BETWEEN his legs...
Thank God he couldn't see her (but no secret she was "there")....the doc would make rounds, and ask me to PAGE him about 2 minutes after he got into the room- so I would. He would back out of the door, put the overbed table in front of the door and tell wifey that she had asked enough questions for the day ! LOL 
This guy was there for a while... I actually enjoyed them- and their rabbi made me an honorary member of the synagogue after I accepted one of his wife's brownies (very good baker!!).