Got to thinking about this one today, and was reminded of it when I read another thread on here...what's teh dumbest thing you've ever heard in nursing, as an explanation for a malady?
For example, the one that sticks out for me is one that I heard as a new nurse, many moons ago. I was doing an assessment on a patient, and a family member of said patient had her sone with her, who was profoundly mentally and physically handicapped. Of course, I would have never presumed to ask the nature of his complaint, but she was only too happy to volunteer it.
"When he was born, the nurse in the room had long fingernails and she scratched his head. That's why he's like this. It's all her fault. We tried to sue her, but the judge threw out the case."
I was stunned, to say the least, and didn't challenge it as hogwash outright, but I did ask,
"Did she puncture his scalp with her nails?"
"No, she just scratched him on the head. It didn't show, but she did it."
You can bet money I was VERY thorough with that assessment. Heaven forbid the lady get staph or some other dread condition because my hair or eyelashes were too long.
Anyone else ever heard a completely absurd reasoning for someone's ailments?
When I was doing my clinical, I just so happened to be taking care of a pt who was the sister of an old nurse I worked with many many years ago.
Now, I had nothing against this nurse, personally. I had heard tell that she was a wonderful OB nurse waaaaaay back in the day, but as for the rest of it... phtttttt!
We used to say, "If I ever ever should crash and burn at work, please don't let B touch me!"
Well, I was thrilled to see her. It had been many years and I had long forgotten how... messed up she could be.
I am there with the staff nurse and here is Old B talking about her sister's foley: "They had trouble getting it into her lady parts...".
She not only said this once, but more than once AND even made reference to her sister being "backward" and a "virgin".
The staff nurse, *sigh*, had a look of polite confusion, as she knew she was talking to a nurse... and a former OB nurse, even, of many years.
Now Old B is a good person, but it did, unfortunately, recall to my mind what made her seem so scary to us many years ago.
I once had a LTC patient's brother call me to complain that his sister had a UTI because our place was 'dirty.' (She did her own care.) It was a bit of a weird conversation trying to explain possible reasons to him given he was her brother...
Many years ago, before I was a RN, I worked as a nursing assistant.
I was helping the RN settle a new, young, married and heavily pregnant patient into the ward. This girl was as white as the sheet she was lying under, and upon questioning her, the RN ascertained that this girl was from an extremely strict religious family (I don't remember the religion). Anyway the RN was going through the birth procedure/s with this girl who said she knew that the baby would come out of her bottom when she went to have a poo. No-one had apparently gone through the actual anatomy and mechanics of what would happen when giving birth. It was all very much 'hush, hush' and learn as you go along sort of thing. In her religion, you did NOT talk about sex, or babies etc - it was absolutely taboo (I actually remember her saying that but she would not use the words 'sex' or anything like that).
Well, me and this RN just looked aghast at each other, and then we went and got our OB models and books etc, and gently and patiently explained what would happen when she gave birth. And this poor, young thing just EXPLODED into tears and wailing because she didn't want the baby to come out of her lady parts (she didn't even know what a lady parts WAS). She had been so sheltered, she was never told re her 'private parts' as she called them. God knows what she thought was happening when she was finally deflowered by her husband. She honestly and truly believed that when she had a big poo, that the baby would come out her back passage and that would be that. She was absolutely and truly terrified by the whole thought of the birth process, a more scared girl on the verge of womanhood, I have never seen to this day.
I felt really, really sorry for her and often wondered what happened after she had the baby, and if she coped at all. Maybe she went up to her hubby and smacked him across the face for getting her pregnant!
I told a gf of mine this story many years later when she was studying for her bachelor and who wanted to do midwifery. She replied: 'I would have told her the baby is coming out the same passage it went into!' I had to laugh at that!
I have had many a Mexican migrant tell me the ER gave them diabetes. They lived in Mexico all their lives and once they came to America we gave them diabetes.
Mother of a febrile child came to the ER. I asked if she had given them Motrin or Tylenol. She said no that was MY job. (Whatever you do don't take an active role in your own child's survival).
A boyfriend of one of our frequent fliers came in and asked for a "description" for some pain medicine. I drew a picture of a tablet and a capsule on the bed sheet (True story).
A mother came in frantically to the ER wanting us to "test" her daughters linen to see if she had been having sex. (Um, watching too much CSI?)
I once had a conversation with this dude in a bar that if you signed your organ donor card that the ER staff won't try to save you. (He didn't know I was an ER nurse).
.... so many examples. I keep saying I should write a book. At least keep a journal.
I have had many a Mexican migrant tell me the ER gave them diabetes. They lived in Mexico all their lives and once they came to America we gave them diabetes.
Mother of a febrile child came to the ER. I asked if she had given them Motrin or Tylenol. She said no that was MY job. (Whatever you do don't take an active role in your own child's survival).
A boyfriend of one of our frequent fliers came in and asked for a "description" for some pain medicine. I drew a picture of a tablet and a capsule on the bed sheet (True story).
A mother came in frantically to the ER wanting us to "test" her daughters linen to see if she had been having sex. (Um, watching too much CSI?)
I once had a conversation with this dude in a bar that if you signed your organ donor card that the ER staff won't try to save you. (He didn't know I was an ER nurse).
.... so many examples. I keep saying I should write a book. At least keep a journal.
LOVE that one with the mom worrying about her daughter's possible sex life! Too funny.
Had an ex-boyfriend and his mother who insisted that he was not vaccinated for ?? (the one that would leave that circular looking scar on the upper arm). But he HAD the scar and he was immune to ??. She said that his sister (only 11 months older) had gotten it but he and his sister had put their arms together and sat like that for a while playing and he was vaccinated that way b/c the "medicine" went from her arm to his. Umm, ok but how come her scar/vaccine mark is on her left arm and so is his??
That was the smallpox vaccine. I am actually old enough to have one. Got it in maybe 1rst grade in school, the students were all lined up in the gym for the shot. I remember being scared because the thing looked like a handgun, but I don't recall it hurting too much.
A social worker careplanned on a quad. patient & his needs for sexual gratification...she expected nursing to perform oral sex on him! That is one dumb thing I'll never forget!
Oh my lord...please, please tell me you are kidding!
oooh, the one about missed orifices made me remember my first year out of school--
i was working in a pacu and we often had people come in with et tubes in place who could have them out as soon as they woke up enough not to like them . we would put an inch or two of a o2 catheter in it and secure it on the side, sort of like taping an ng to the side of the nose. i was in charge one evening when we got one like this, and the lpn went to admit her. i looked over a few minutes later and this woman is almost flying off the guerney, purple.... i ran over there and found that the o2 tube had been secured with so much tape that the end of the et tube was completely airtight.
after ripping that off and bagging the heck out of her and getting her settled down and extubated, i calmed myself as much as possible and took the lpn into the office off the main room and asked her how she expected this woman to breathe with her et tube sealed off. "through her nose, silly," she said. after retrieving my mandible from the floor i turned to the big sagittal section picture of the head and neck and made her show me where the tube went, where the balloon was, and then tell me again how this woman was supposed to breathe. omg. this story makes me short of breath even now.
reminds me of a nurse way back when i was a fresh cna. we had an ms pt with a trach in respiratory distress and the nurse put a nasal cannula on her and just couldn't understand why her o2 didn't improve. even back then i knew better and went to get another nurse who thankfully knew better also. 15 years later that same pt is still alive.
When my grandmother would go to the Dr she wouldn't let the MD tell her what was wrong. The MD had to tell her daughter's instead. She was always afraid it was cancer and if the MD confirmed it and told her it was true then she would die soon from it.
My mom refuses to have a mamogram because the squeezing gives you breast cancer. No amount of arguing will change her mind.
That was the smallpox vaccine. I am actually old enough to have one. Got it in maybe 1rst grade in school, the students were all lined up in the gym for the shot. I remember being scared because the thing looked like a handgun, but I don't recall it hurting too much.
I was born in 1969 and I don't recall getting the smallpox vaccine, although other friends of mine have the scar and are a few months younger than me. I wonder...did I get it? lol My husand was born in 1967 and he doesn't have the scar either.
This one is not nursing related, but I had an EX girl friend ask me if she could get pregnant through oral sex... she was 18 years old, I was 20 at the time. Later on that year, I discovered that she had been lying to me about birth control, thankfully I did no impregnate her, but I did break up with her after I found that out.
xtxrn, ASN, RN
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