The Case Against Breastfeeding

tntrn, ASN, RN · Mar 17, 2009

I had my first while working in the NICU and I thought I had no other choice but to breast feed even though I was not 100% sure it would be for me--- how could I not??? Well, it lasted 2 weeks. 2 long weeks of crying and feeling like a complete failure and feeling totally unconfortable in my own skin.
I finally called a coworker friend who happened to be a lactation consultant. She asked me "why are you doing this?" Well, I was doing it because I did not want to feel ashamed to tell people that I gave my baby formula. After about an hour and a TON of tears... I gave it up right after getting off the phone with her. I just needed someone to tell me that it was OK if I did not breastfeed. That I was NOT a bad mother for not feeling "natural".
I was happy, my son was happy and FULL, and we bonded just fine!! He is the picture of health. When I had my daughter, I went through no guilt- just checked the box that said-"formula"!
I do think that many moms are "guilted" into breastfeeding rather than doing it because it is what they really want to do. It is really hard work and it is not for everyone- doesn't mean that you are giving your child any less by not breastfeeding.

I completely agree with you and can tell you that I've left rooms (to go get formula) of moms (especially the teen moms) who are in tears because someone told them they were a bad mom if they didn't want to breast feed. I simply say, "your baby needs to eat and I don't really care how you do it? How do YOU want to do it?" and then we go on from there. I hope each and every time the happens for the next shift to honor her decision. Sometimes I warn them: " You're going to have nurses who try to talk you out of this decision." One mom, who wasn't a teen, actually a very together 30 something, actually thanked for the warning. She had the full support of her husband and mom and MIL to make the decision herself.

That's what I don't get. The browbeating. The idea that the nurse knows better than the patient what the patient should be. How presumptive.

allnurses Guide · Mar 17, 2009

If you are nursing your baby, and you are at the same time stewing in resentment because your partner isn't fulfilling his previously agreed to co-parenting contractual agreement, or you are "tapping your foot impatiently waiting for the baby to finish" as the Atlantic author was, that trumps everything else. Give the kid a bottle. An infant doesn't deserve to have her first, most intimate experience as a brand new human be in the arms of someone who thinks it's just another tedious chore to be dispensed with on the "to-do" list.

NeoNurseTX, RN · Mar 17, 2009

I'm in a NICU and I've seen people try to make moms feel bad for not BFing. It's their choice and it drives me up the walls when people try to make them feel inferior for not wanting to praise them all the time when they do.

If/When I have kids..I'm still undecided. Maybe the first month or so but after that...too much trouble for a working woman. I know people pump around the clock...kudos to them but for me personally, it just doesn't matter that much.

ICUNurseCline · Mar 17, 2009

Thanks for posting that article. I found it enlightening. As a working mother of a 4 month-old, I have to say that pumping at work can be a strain and I have never found it relaxing. I am a nurse, so as all you other nurses out there know, time isn't always on our side. I pump all the time as I had much trouble with nursing and gave it up when my daughter was 2 weeks old. I think it is a gratifying thing to know, even still, my baby is getting breast milk. But what makes me crazy is all of the pressure society puts on me to breastfeed, all the while making it taboo or at least uncomfortable in public. Breastfeeding is a choice that takes commitment. It has not been easy for me, but I think for me and for my daughter it is the right choice. That does not mean it will be the right choice for every other mother and baby. I may breastfeed the next child I have, but I am making it my goal to not judge myself or my abilities as a mother based on whether I do or not. BabyTalk published an article not long ago portraying three mothers and their breast-feeding tales; one loved it, one hated it, and one just couldn't. It was a wonderful article that made me feel like it's okay that I really don't enjoy breastfeeding. I am no less of a mother because of that.

oramar · Mar 17, 2009

The moral of the story is that it doesn't pay to be to dogmatic about anything. The woman who wrote this story is feeling a bit hemmed-in by the demands of caring for three children. It is giving her negative feelings about breast feeding she should be free to quit. She should not have to face any censure either way. My daughter has been breast feeding her second child for a month now. She has had a lot of problems with it and has threatened to quit a few times. I have been as supportive as I can without pressuring her either way. That is the big thing, not to be applying pressure to a person who is struggling.

magz53 · Mar 17, 2009

I will spend as much time as I can helping a Mom BF.....IF SHE really wants to as some desperately do. So sad when she has flat or inverted nipples ( why wasn't this addressed before delivery ? ) and a puckering, non-sucking baby. The Moms who are doing it only because someone else urged them to do it are so easy to spot and I will be the first to offer them formula. I BF all of my 5 kids for varying times for varying reasons. It is pointless if the Mom does not really want to do it. I watched in agony as my DIL timed her nursings to q4h and tapped her foot and looked at the clock while my grandsons were nursing for the 4 weeks ( to the minute ) of it. I would much rather she had bottle fed and been more relaxed as a Mom. As a nurse, I try to "read" my patients and support them in what THEY really want to do. I have seen careproviders ( docs, midwives ) be almost forceful in their breastfeeding promotion.

oramar · Mar 17, 2009

Wow. I'm glad it's not your decision to make then.

I took it that was written in jest, at least I hope it was.

adoptionacres · Mar 17, 2009

I finally called a coworker friend who happened to be a lactation consultant. She asked me "why are you doing this?" Well, I was doing it because I did not want to feel ashamed to tell people that I gave my baby formula. After about an hour and a TON of tears... I gave it up right after getting off the phone with her. I just needed someone to tell me that it was OK if I did not breastfeed. That I was NOT a bad mother for not feeling "natural".

I was happy, my son was happy and FULL, and we bonded just fine!! He is the picture of health. When I had my daughter, I went through no guilt- just checked the box that said-"formula"!

I do think that many moms are "guilted" into breastfeeding rather than doing it because it is what they really want to do. It is really hard work and it is not for everyone- doesn't mean that you are giving your child any less by not breastfeeding. :twocents:

:yeah:So true. Then you get the other kind of lactation consultant to whom BF is a religion :bow: influencing the management of the unit and insisting that we push our new moms to BF. I would rather have my new moms relax and learn to enjoy their babies than fight :banghead: against the difficulties and expectations they are loaded with. I sent a link to the article to all our nursing staff, perhaps they will be slightly less dogmatic?

BabyLady, BSN, RN · Mar 17, 2009

I breastfed my children...it didn't have anything to do with wanting to lose weight, bonding, or making them smarter.

I did it, for the health benefits. Nature rarely gets it wrong...I had milk when I was pregnant because that is what mothers are supposed to do.

As a result, only one ear infection between the two, both were over one year old before they even got their first sniffle.

meluhn · Mar 17, 2009

I too was hounded by a breast feeding nazi after leaving the hosp w/my 1st child. BF wasn't going well, she wasn't latching on and to make matters worse she had thrush which promptly spread to my breasts--talk about painful. It was 10 days of pain and crying that could have been spent resting and enjoying my baby. The nazi made me feel bad about my decision to stop(yes, she call me at home for weeks afterward to "follow up") but I just couldn't take it anymore. I never found it to be all that bonding an experience anyway. I didn't need that to bond with my baby, I fell in love the minute I saw her.

BTW the guy poster is right, my merchandise was damaged in that they weren't nearly as sensitive as they were before.

I tried again with the 2nd one and made it for 2 months efore giving her a bottle at which time she promptly decided it was much easier and gave up the breast for good.

Both girls are smart and healthy--actually the one I BF longer is more prone to infections than the other.

I think BF past the age of a year or so is kind of creepy and is done more for the Mom's benefit than the kids. There are more ways to bond than having the kid BF. It is also creepy when I hear about the family bed. Why would you promote this type of attachment when your job as a parent is to make your kid increasingly more independent so that eventually they can stand on their own. I think these things have more to do with the parent being clingy and needy than the parent actually thinking it is good for the child. JMO

tencat · Mar 17, 2009

I did it, for the health benefits. Nature rarely gets it wrong...I had milk when I was pregnant because that is what mothers are supposed to do.

Tell that to my boobs that didn't make any milk after my first daughter was born

It's very liberating to read that so many women don't necessarily think breastfeeding is the end all, be all of motherhood. I tried for two weeks, and got so frustrated that I gave up with the first kiddo. I'm currently about to pop with the second, and I think I'm just going to try to get some of the colostrum into the kiddo, then use formula. I want to get SOME rest after said baby is born. My first kid is very healthy, and she was a formula kid. Thanks for posting this article. It made me feel a WHOLE lot better about my decision.

mama_d, BSN, RN · Mar 17, 2009

From the article:

Given what we know so far, it seems reasonable to put breast-feeding's health benefits on the plus side of the ledger and other things--modesty, independence, career, sanity--on the minus side, and then tally them up and make a decision.

I managed to be modest, independent, have a career, attend school, and only get slightly less sane despite breastfeeding my two. The assumption that it is impossible to do so is somewhat presumptuous.

It is a serious time commitment that pretty much guarantees that you will not work in any meaningful way. Let's say a baby feeds seven times a day and then a couple more times at night. That's nine times for about a half hour each, which adds up to more than half of a working day, every day, for at least six months. This is why, when people say that breast-feeding is "free," I want to hit them with a two-by-four. It's only free if a woman's time is worth nothing.

Glad to hear that me exclusively breastfeeding means that my nursing career was meaningless. I'm sure glad my patients didn't know I was breastfeeding, they'd have been demanding a nurse who was more meaningful than I was. And as far as the whole "free" thing goes, her logic seems false to me...you'd be spending time feeding the kidlet anyway, so isn't it a better choice economically to give them free food during that time instead of spend the time feeding them, but having the additional expenditure of purchasing the food? The amount of money I saved by breastfeeding two kids was in the thousands of dollars.

I noticed that she left out the facts of the benefits for mom...less risk of breast cancer, faster weight loss, and less risk of hemorrhage after birth.

Personally, I breastfed my first till he was ten months old (he decided to wean, and I fought to last that long) and our toddler was exclusively breastfed till he was nine months old (he refused anything else, even chocolate pudding!) and wasn't weaned until he was fifteen months old and my hubby asked if he could have my boobs back please :)

I pumped at work with no problems, but I was like a freaking cow...five minutes flat and I'd have eight ounces. I was lucky that way; I understand that not all women are. I think working in a hospital helps. There were nights where I got really busy and the GUYS on my floor would push me off towards the supply closet I pumped in. Every time that happened I hoped it was just out of concern instead of because they noticed how extremely well endowed I looked compared to the beginning of the shift.

My opinion is, if you want to breastfeed, great, and I'll do all I can to help encourage you from the standpoint of someone who's been there and done that. If you want to bottlefeed, that's great too, lemme hold junior and give him a bottle while you go get a bubble bath.