Thankless at times, downright mean others!

RE Agent · Dec 8, 2004

The one thing that is getting to me the most about being a new grad is the comments about my nursing skills by patients or their families. I've heard everything in the book from my patients about how they don't think I know what I'm doing when I don't get an IV on the first try or how an IV "shouldn't hurt if you know how to do it right." Mind you, these patients don't know how long I've been practicing as a nurse (going on 6 months now). I could handle the other comments about my weight or appearance fine (I once had a patient in the ER who had OD'd while I was a tech tell me how fat I was, and I turned to him and said sternly, "You're one to talk about somebody else's problems," which shut him up rather quickly), but the ones that kill me the most are the ones that have to do with my skills as a nurse. It has honestly left me feeling rather bad and I go home on my days off brooding about it. I've had other nurses watch me do my IV's and they don't believe I'm doing anything wrong (except may be not choosing the best vein), it's just many of these people just have bad veins or are dehydrated. I now am planning on taking an IV class to polish up my skills and I've even read all I can about IV's and tips I've found over the internet, that's how much it bothers me.
On a side note, I'll never forget the patient who yelled at me and his nurse, too, when we were in the ER because he was going to miss his appointment with the eye doctor and he wanted to find out why he was losing his sight. He was a frequent flyer and was being admitted once again for DKA (with blood sugars over a thousand) :angryfire . I wanted to yell back "If you'd control your blood sugar, may be you wouldn't be going blind." :chair: I took care of him as a student nurse 6 months prior at another hospital when he first started dialysis (he yelled at me then, too, b/c I wouldn't give him an afternoon snack and "all diabetics get snacks," according to him), so I wasn't too sympathetic. Most of these patients will often apologize later, but the damage is already done. It takes guts for me to go back in the room and be objective, but I've learned to do it. I'm getting better at hiding the tears, too. And I can say all the "I know you didn't mean it. I understand you are in pain...blah blah blah," but you know what? Their pain isn't gonna last forever, but their remark will stay with me for quite sometime. It just wears at me time after time and I go home crying at times thinking I'm a bad nurse. All over not being able to get an IV! Yet, I know even the supposed "IV experts" who can't get IV's on the first and sometimes SECOND try. It's still no comfort when a patient starts yelling for the "expert." And it's not just the IV skills they get mad about. It's when you can't do for them what they think you should be doing (i.e. getting them a hospital bed upstairs, etc). I hate it when another nurse who's worked in the hospital a long time swoops in and calls her "contacts" to get them that bed upstairs, too. It makes me look worthless, yet I've done everything else for that patient that should matter more (rehydrating them, medicating them for pain) up to that point. All "contacts" and "resources" should be available to any nurse, not just the one's who've been there for umpteen years.

You will be an "expert" with time. It's hard when you first start out. I hope you find a way to feel good about nursing, if not, your not alone, and there are other careers out there. Your smart, and can do whats right for you. You seem to handle patients well. Remember these patients are angry, or have some emotional problems. You are the one they take it out on, and this happens to all nurses. If you have time, talk to the patient about what is really on their mind. If you feel that you are being picked on because of your weight, then loose the weight. This will be good for your mental, and physicial health. I wish you the best.

Elspeth · Dec 8, 2004

I agree that was quite an uncalled for insult...however.....even though it would have taken every ounce of self-control I ever may have I would have strived to NOT RESPOND, LOL! I think the guy was looking for a major reaction and by golly he got one. As a professional I've learned not to sweat what others think of me.It really makes no difference to me at all. If the guy didn't mean anything to you personally than why take it personally kind of thing. I wonder if sometimes you can make more of a statement by not saying anything. And no, I am not a doormat, lol!

texaslvn · Dec 9, 2004

what bugs me most is not so the insults that some insensitive patients say, its the down right rude and mean ones. i'm short, fat, and hispanic...so i get to hear from winter texas that they are surprise i speak english so well. and ive been in hearing distance of a family member tellling another that im a fat idiot that didnt know anything that was after i didnt give her the answer she wanted to hear. i just turned around and said thank you.

but the ones that kill me are the stupid drunk mva, positive for cocaine, pot and other drugs... *****ing at you to let them go home. i work icu and cell phones are not allowed one i had a guy get a cell from his mom that was visiting --i told him he could use it in there and he just started cussing at me that he couldnt do **** and who the hell did i think i was and so on.

he pissed me off that in a stern voice i told him that the hospital was not a prison and that he could get up and leave and that i would get him to sign an ama form. after that he change his tune that wasnt what he wanted and all this using a sweet apolizing voice.

i got the last laugh because he was served a warrant and he had to have two cops at bedside at all time . he attitude changed quick u wouldnt have known that he was the same guy being rude to the night nurse and threatening me with violence if he didnt get his way.

Jamesdotter · Dec 9, 2004

I remember "Goldie", a 70-something patient I had during my first year in nursing. I was doing AM care, or her bath, or something of the sort when she looked me in the eye and said "I know what kind of a girl you are. It shows in your face." I never did figure out exactly what she meant. It was one of those occasions whan you have to leave the room to giggle.

Believe it or not, during the Crimean War, Florence Nightingale (a classmate and personal friend of mine) saw to ALL :imbar her patients' needs. This is why she died of VD.:imbar Just another piece of trivea from the crypt.
:chuckle :chuckle

Did Florence Nightingale die of syphilis?

No, she died of extreme old age at 90. There is no possibility at all that she had syphilis. Her life is extremely well-documented and the symptoms of syphilis are not compatible with what we know about her. But this rumour about syphilis is quite common. I have been told that it was publicised by a priest who was opposing a church proposal to commemorate her. He said she was an atheist who died of syphilis, and this was widely published in the press and resulted in the proposal being dropped. From a book entitled Florence Nightingale, Avenging Angel.

RE Agent · Dec 9, 2004

what bugs me most is not so the insults that some insensitive patients say, its the down right rude and mean ones. i'm short, fat, and hispanic...so i get to hear from winter texas that they are surprise i speak english so well. and ive been in hearing distance of a family member tellling another that im a fat idiot that didnt know anything that was after i didnt give her the answer she wanted to hear. i just turned around and said thank you.
but the ones that kill me are the stupid drunk mva, positive for cocaine, pot and other drugs... *****ing at you to let them go home. i work icu and cell phones are not allowed one i had a guy get a cell from his mom that was visiting --i told him he could use it in there and he just started cussing at me that he couldnt do **** and who the hell did i think i was and so on.
he pissed me off that in a stern voice i told him that the hospital was not a prison and that he could get up and leave and that i would get him to sign an ama form. after that he change his tune that wasnt what he wanted and all this using a sweet apolizing voice.
i got the last laugh because he was served a warrant and he had to have two cops at bedside at all time . he attitude changed quick u wouldnt have known that he was the same guy being rude to the night nurse and threatening me with violence if he didnt get his way.

Why let it bother you? People who say things like this to others have big problems. What they need is a psych consult. These people have to live with themselves everyday, and they are angry, and unhappy. When someone says things like this to me, I respond, "You must be having a bad day"? and I smile a warm understanding smile. You can also say, "that's not very nice", and look them in the eye. When you put on your psych hat, and hit the fringes if their true emotional problems, trust me, they will back off. They know you can expose some very painful stuff in their lives, and they don't want to go there.

been there · Dec 9, 2004

I have this one patient that complains about EVERYTHING...well it must have been a slow day yesterday...so he turned to me!
I just got my hair cut, it is short and spikey and I put some highlights in. I went into his room and he went from hello straight on to how much he hated my hair! He told me it looked 'punk' it looked 'unkept' and it didn't look feminine in any way...that I should ask my husband for a appointment for a perm! (my avatar is me btw...that is how my hair is).
I must have looked at him like he was an exhibit from the dark ages in the museum! LOL! I just nodded, smiled and went on to my work. But this guy wouldn't let up! HOW rude is that??????
Finally he said "now if something was wrong with me, I would want you to tell me...is there something wrong with me that you don't like?"
OH WHERE TO BEGIN??? LOL!
But I simply said "you know something..I am a professional nurse, I see things in all people that can be improved, and things I like, and things I really don't like. But you know, I am not your friend, I am not your buddy...I am your nurse, you are a work subject only to me frankly. I don't tell my work subjects my personal opinion unless it is related to medical, and then it isn't my personal opinion per say as much as my clinical opinion. I don't go into peoples room because I want to...heck it is 0630 in the morning I would rather be in bed, but I come in because it is my job!"
Then I smiled :) "Now, if you want to go personal this hairdo matches my personality outside of work, which I do have a life outside of work contrary to popular belief. You are taking to a nurse by day...a tattoo'd, 6 hole earring wearing, smoking, belly peirced gal who plans on getting a nose ring and more tattoos in the future:smokin: , but you wouldn't know that because I don't show that in my professional life at all..out goes the earrings and the tattoo is fully covered simply by placement of clothes:specs: ! My husband loves it:kiss , and would rather me look like a fun loving gal than a permed up priss with her hair just so every day...and I don't ask his permission to get a hair cut, or piercings, or tattoos, or clothes (actually I do...LOL!) because I am an adult. As far as your comment about my hair...frankly mr. __ I don't take it to heart or would waste time being upset on your opinion of me unless it was professional...do you have any probelms with my nursing skills? "
He was shocked and said "well...ummmmm no".:chair:
And I cut him off, "Good, now onto your CBG..and another little tid bit of advice about nurses in general, not a good idea to tell one something to upset them when they have to poke you afterwards?!?!? Maybe a good idea to wait till after the pokes with some nurses...not me because as I said I really don't take your comments to heart and would be upset in anyway, but I know a few that may not make it pleasant!";) . And had a huge smile on that couldn't be told if it was an evil smile or a I am being friendly smile (ohhhhhhh that smile is powerful! LOL).
I won that little convo obviously..but OMG what gall!!!!!! Hi nurse I hate your hair you look like crap! UHGGGGGG. They say nursing is a thankless job..yes at times, but at times it can be down right mean!
What kinds of rude comments about your personal life or choice in hairstyles/clothing and what not have you experienced? This is actually my first, and no...I am not mad, a little shocked that he said it, but not made (infact I busted up laughing hard when I left like "OMG I can't believe he said that..heck I can't believe I said what I did..LOL!".:roll )

If I had been your patient and had received the comments you made about being a "work subject ony to me"...."don't go into people's room because I want to....but because it is my job" I would be shocked at hearing this from a NURSE. I don't mean to offend you but I have been a patient several times and I was a bit leery of one nurse who made it clear that my need of a bedpan was " something an aide could do, that it takes up too much time for a nurse to do". The patient's further comments to your probably came from HIS being shocked and was a reflex. The nursing image of a caring professional is always "on" regardless of our personal feeling. To go further and tell him about your belly piercing, planning to get a nose ring (will your organization approve of you wearing this?), tattoos, etc. is more information than he needs and , were it me, I would not divulge ANY private information about myself. A nurse enters a patient's room to help the patient, to realize that "crap" or comments might come from the patient's fear of what is happening. Nursing involves receiving unwanted comments, realizing where the comments really come from, and working on alleviating this fear in the patient. Of course, I'm getting on in years and can remember when doctors made rude and ugly comments to nurses and "Code White" would be sent out over the intercom. For those who don't know what "Code White" means....when any nurse on the floor, or in the building, who is free at the time hears this code they all come to the scene and quietly stand around the poor nurse who is getting it with all barrels. This sent a message to the doctor that other nurses were hearing him and to "back off". Again, I don't mean to offend you but all nurses must remember to maintain the professionalism of nursing at all times. We can vent in the breakroom and/or to the Nurse Manager. I know I've gone into my manager's office, closed the door and thrown myself into a chair saying "I know we need patients to keep our jobs but I really want to strangle one right now". I had a friend who had a butterfly tattooed on her butt but over the years it has sort of drifted down to the netherlands so plan ahead for this before your next one!!

NurseGuy_in_06 · Dec 9, 2004

Who cares what some patients say. I'll just poot, and blame it on them.

Are you a practicing real estate agent and nurse?

HONEYBEAR · Dec 31, 2004

Why do pt's feel that they have the right to say such rude things to the nurses

that are taking care of them?

I had one male pt with an hx of drug/alcohol/spousal abuse (frequent flyer) tell

me that he did not want me taking care of him b/c "You are to fat, and white, I

want a thin black nurse to take care of me" :angryfire (I kid you not)....... people

these days are just rude.

Diahni · Dec 31, 2004

Why do pt's feel that they have the right to say such rude things to the nurses
that are taking care of them?
I had one male pt with an hx of drug/alcohol/spousal abuse (frequent flyer) tell
me that he did not want me taking care of him b/c "You are to fat, and white, I
want a thin black nurse to take care of me" :angryfire (I kid you not)....... people
these days are just rude.
Honeybear,
I haven't had anyone that bad yet. My first inclination would be to snap back, which would be very unprofessional. How about "Flattery will get you nowhere" ???
Diahni

talaxandra · Dec 31, 2004

I've had the odd patient who's called me fat, but I am - so what?

Bizarrely I seem to have more patients concerned about my age now (when I'm 35!) than when I was a student, over 15 years ago.

One woman used to call me "the Black B***h" - if a couple of us went in to the patient in the next bed (to turn her) this patient would say "Is that the Black B***h?" with the phrase whispered menacingly. It was hysterical, no less for the fact that the only black thing about me is my hair colour :chuckle

To the OP - I think the worst thing is how this kind of thing comes right out of the blue, so you're not at all prepared. I'm very fond of the phrase - very useful for unsolicited advice regardless of source - "thanks for your opinion, but I'll make my own arrangements"

Antikigirl, ASN, RN · Dec 31, 2004

"thanks for your opinion, but I'll make my own arrangements"

I love this one!!!!!!!!

Things are still going great with this resident though! LOL! He is finally treating me with respect and will not complain about laundry services or how horrible his last meal was etc.! I love it...it wasn't professional but it worked! Now I can focus on helping him finally (which is what I tried to do when he was simply thinking I was the laundry gal!).

I have Geri Psych appointment for the first week in Jan for him, got a better service plan for him because he could actually communicate with me not yell at me, and I found he has a rather LARGE probelm with women in authority, especially with me being so young (yeah, 34!). But now he knows I won't put up with his verbal vomit alpha ape tactics to gain power, but I will certainly take the nicer communication styles and really change things that bother him! Now when he starts getting a little ticked, I leave the room and come back..and he doesn't complain at all...he calms down and he is back to being a nice gent!

I think out of this experience, that to be a professional nurse you must stay as professional as you can, however their may be times when a little 'grey area' tactics to gain trust and respect may be in order to better help a patient. Some people simply thing "wow she is a nurse so I better act right" which in itself can be very false and lead to misinterpreting information from them, or more towards "I am not going to do what my nurse says because she is a nurse Ratchet" style which he was..and it took me getting out of his nurse Ratchet role and showing him I was a human being that worked. He is FINALLY getting the services I marked down on his Service plan when I first met him! I guess sometimes we have to be human just a little, to gain some peoples trust...especially the elderly who were brought up with a whole different way of viewing the role of a nurse!

But then again, I never said I would be a typical nurse, I was never typical or by the book in my life..LOL! If I had simply sat back and took the abuse or ingored it..he would not be on the path of achieving a healthier happier life like he is now! So I will stand by what I did, reserve it for the 'one in the blue moon if I absolutely have to" catagory of things in my nursing bag...and keep on being me!

Jen,SN · Dec 31, 2004

Had one patient last night who was incredibly verbally abusive--ETOH withdrawl, just raging at us. At one point, he called us all 'f-ing whores." just looked at him and said, "I know you're frustrated and angry, but you may NOT use that type of language with us."