Surprised Myself! (Standing up to Doctors)

[RN-PA, RN]

Because I have had problems to some degree throughout my life being a people-pleaser, avoiding conflict, and being assertive, I will generally read ANY thread on Allnurses having to do with standing up to disrespectful, abusive behavior by doctors and have learned a lot from many who've posted what's worked for them. I have many retorts and phrases stored up for use at the proper time and felt I was ready to calmly and firmly state boundaries and set limits with the offending doctors.

This weekend, I had two different doctors yell at me over the phone about something. On Saturday, I loudly spoke up to the doctor, "Please stop yelling at me!" We spoke a little more about the issue, and he hung up on me. He then called back-- didn't apologize-- but was obviously subdued as we discussed the problem I'd originally called about.

Then on Sunday, I had to call a notoriously angry and crazed GI doctor about a clogged dobhoff feeding tube. He was obviously angry when I told him the situation and he started yelling, "YOU'RE NOT GONNA MAKE ME COME IN FOR THIS ARE YOU?" He then repeated it and I suddenly blurted out, "STOP YELLING AT ME OR I'LL REPORT YOU!!!" I could NOT believe that came out of my mouth! The unit clerk, another nurse, and a PCT all had their mouths gaping open in surprise. He mumbled something about coming in to unclog the tube, and when he showed up, ended up apologizing to me!

I didn't get all the great words out that I'd learned and wanted to use from Allnurses, but what came out on the two occassions was straight from the gut and worked regardless.

Thanks to the members of this BB for strengthening me, empowering me, and helping me to take a big step in stopping nurse abuse!

:balloons:

[colleen10]

Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As a notorious people pleaser/yes girl/avoid conflict at all costs I understand the feeling of satisfaction and and bravery it took for you to stand up to those doctors.

Don't be hard on yourself for not saying the things you had imagined you would say. This is a big step for people like us and I think you did great!

I find myself having a hard time being assertive just because I am not used to being that way but the more I practice the better I get at it.

way to go!!!!

[VivaLasViejas, ASN, RN]

That's great, RN-PA!

I think it helps to remember that doctors are human beings, just like the rest of us. They put their pants on one leg at a time, they go to the bathroom like everyone else, they have bills and a mortgage and screaming kids to worry about. Yes, they have more education than we do, but they're aren't God (no matter what some surgeons may think) and they don't have any more right to abuse us than a stranger on the street. Good for you, for setting limits and keeping your dignity!

[Tweety, BSN, RN]

Woot! Sometimes that's all these agressive people need, is someone to call them on their inappropriateness. Feels good doesn't it?

[Teshiee]

Congrats! You were assertive w/o stooping to his ignorant level. Go girl!

[Altra, BSN, RN]

{{{{{{RN-PA}}}}}}}

Hugs & hats off to you.

Psst ... it'll be that much easier the next time.

~Leigh

[sjoe]

You can borrow my sig line:

[RN-PA, RN]

Thanks to all for your good wishes and encouragement! :kiss I hope my story will be of some help to others who have similar problems with assertiveness and doctor or even co-worker abuse.

Colleen mentioned, "Don't be hard on yourself for not saying the things you had imagined you would say. This is a big step for people like us and I think you did great!" It felt sort of out-of-control when I blurted out what I did on both occassions, but I honestly was already near the end of my rope because of work stresses and also was prepared to be yelled at, so the adrenaline was running high! I hope to be a little more under control next time. But if not, that'll be okay, too.

To others who've responded, yes, it did feel good, but strange-- new behavior takes getting used to. And, I found myself laughing out loud the rest of the shift whenever the "I'LL REPORT YOU!" statment I blurted out came to mind. I guess because it's so out of character for me and seemed almost "over-the-top", but this GI doc has driven me and other staff crazy for the 5 years I've been at this hospital. I felt like that guy on the old movie, "Network" who screamed out his window, "I'M MAD AS HELL AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE!"

And mjl, I agree about the doctors' humanity and keeping that in mind. Later in the shift I had to fight guilt feelings for yelling back at the GI doc (even though it HAD to be done) because it's somewhat common knowledge that he is unhappy being a doctor-- not our problem, I know. When he first came to our floor, he apologized to the wrong nurse who corrected him and directed him to me. The RN told me later that he had said, "My life stinks!" Again, no excuse for his behavior and maybe he'll think twice before abusing again, but I did feel sorry for him. Perhaps some intensive psychotherapy or career counseling might be in order...

One of my favorite lines I read here on this BB to say to an abusive doctor when they're upset about being called after hours, "Well then, you should've become a dermatologist!" :)

And thanks sjoe; I was waiting for you! I have memorized your sig line and it has become my mantra!

[RN~in~CT]

{{ Standing Ovation }}

[redshiloh]

From one people pleaser to another congrats...I hope I have courage like that next time!

[RN-PA, RN]

Originally posted by RN~in~CT

{{ Standing Ovation }}

Thank you! Thank you! {{{BOW}}} {{{CURTSY}}}

Originally posted by redshiloh

From one people pleaser to another congrats...I hope I have courage like that next time!

I have to say it was less courage and more "had it up to HERE !" It was completely a gut reaction and more aggressive than assertive. Allnurses has taught me more ideas along the lines of assertiveness and that's what I want to strive for. I've taken an assertiveness class in the past, but I don't think it "took" too well. My tendency toward people-pleasing and conflict-avoidance is a family legacy and probably even genetic, so it isn't easy to change! I'm planning to try some role-playing with my husband with phrases I'd like to use the next time with an abusive doctor so it becomes a more natural and easy response.

Thanks again to all for your support!

[nurseygrrl, LPN]

hehehe...One day, after a HORRIFIC shift finally ended and I was doing my charting, the doc came up to me(same doc who drove me berserk all day long), interrupted my train of thought and told me I HAD to accompany him for an exam on a pt. All of a sudden I heard 'You'd better find the 3-11 nurse because it's 4 o'clock and I've had JUST ABOUT ENOUGH OF YOU TODAY'!!!!!!!!!!! coming out of MY mouth!! Whew...sometimes you just can't hold back!!

Good for you and don't ever let anyone disrespect you!