Because I have had problems to some degree throughout my life being a people-pleaser, avoiding conflict, and being assertive, I will generally read ANY thread on Allnurses having to do with standing up to disrespectful, abusive behavior by doctors and have learned a lot from many who've posted what's worked for them. I have many retorts and phrases stored up for use at the proper time and felt I was ready to calmly and firmly state boundaries and set limits with the offending doctors.
This weekend, I had two different doctors yell at me over the phone about something. On Saturday, I loudly spoke up to the doctor, "Please stop yelling at me!" We spoke a little more about the issue, and he hung up on me. He then called back-- didn't apologize-- but was obviously subdued as we discussed the problem I'd originally called about.
Then on Sunday, I had to call a notoriously angry and crazed GI doctor about a clogged dobhoff feeding tube. He was obviously angry when I told him the situation and he started yelling, "YOU'RE NOT GONNA MAKE ME COME IN FOR THIS ARE YOU?" He then repeated it and I suddenly blurted out, "STOP YELLING AT ME OR I'LL REPORT YOU!!!" I could NOT believe that came out of my mouth! The unit clerk, another nurse, and a PCT all had their mouths gaping open in surprise. He mumbled something about coming in to unclog the tube, and when he showed up, ended up apologizing to me!
I didn't get all the great words out that I'd learned and wanted to use from Allnurses, but what came out on the two occassions was straight from the gut and worked regardless.
Thanks to the members of this BB for strengthening me, empowering me, and helping me to take a big step in stopping nurse abuse!
All of a sudden I heard 'You'd better find the 3-11 nurse because it's 4 o'clock and I've had JUST ABOUT ENOUGH OF YOU TODAY'!!!!!!!!!!! coming out of MY mouth!! Whew...sometimes you just can't hold back!!
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You've got me beat-- CONGRATULATIONS! Too, too funny! :rotfl:
Thanks, but again, it wasn't so much "courage' as it was ANGER :angryfire and deep-down-to-the-bones-sick-and-tiredness of bad treatment by two doctors who are notorious for it. If I could do it you can do it. And again, I'd prefer to strive for assertive rather than aggressive; I wasn't much better than those doctors with us both yelling, and as Dad always said, "Two wrongs don't make a right."
Still, it was awfully cathartic!
And to SmilingBluEyes, I read in another thread that you had a run-in with a doctor today as well. Hope you're feeling better!
Because I have had problems to some degree throughout my life being a people-pleaser, avoiding conflict, and being assertive, I will generally read ANY thread on Allnurses having to do with standing up to disrespectful, abusive behavior by doctors and have learned a lot from many who've posted what's worked for them...............................................................................
Thanks to the members of this BB for strengthening me, empowering me, and helping me to take a big step in stopping nurse abuse!
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((((((RN-PA)))))) Good for you girlfriend! That's what I call "Stopping nurse abuse on the spot!" :kiss (Thumbs up to you!) :)
I remember getting really fed up with a doc that was yelling at me on the phone. When he got into the unit, he was all sweetnes and light.
He came up to me and started talking...I put my hand out and said, "Stop! Don't ever talk to me like that again. If I want to be barked at, I'll get a dog!"
"I have to say it was less courage and more "had it up to HERE "
Don't diminish your courage. The best definition I have read of it is "courage is action in the face of fear." Your anger was strong enough to keep fear in the background, but fear was present as well. You just didn't let the fear get the better of you and you could have, and tangled yourself up in self-doubts and misgivings.
Assertiveness just doesn't require the same amount of anger before it gets expressed. (But that also takes some of the fun out of it, I must admit. Kind of the difference between the Jerry Springer Show and a Zen master.)
It was courage! Pat yourself on the back and accept all the pats for courage posted above. (There's such a nice clean feeling afterward, isn't there? Like your insides just took a quick shower. "Clearing the air.")
ok, what's the problem w/ nurses standing up to doctors ??? i don't care WHO the person is, if they cannot speak to me like a normal human being 1) i'm going to let them know i don't appreciate it and it WILL NOT be tolerated and 2) not reply until they are able to do so. respect is earned, not automatically awarded when you graduate medical school.
and what's this 'i'm going to report you' business ??? have we resorted to tattle telling ??? anyway, do you honestly believe a hospital will do anything to a dr for being grumpy ??? a GI dr at that (big money for the hospital for GI from what i understand). just tell the jerk i'm NOT going to sit here and let you treat me like a 'pee-on'. until you can talk to me like a normal human being in a calm tone of voice, our conversation is over.
sjoe's quote sums it up best ... we will get exactly as much crap as we will take ... i don't know if it's b/c i'm a guy or what but i ain't taking no crap off anybody, ESPECIALLY a dr .
RN-PA, RN
626 Posts
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You've got me beat-- CONGRATULATIONS! Too, too funny! :rotfl: