Time to don the fireproof underwear. It is 0500 and the reality alarm clock is ringing, and some people do not like to hear it go off. So whether you agree with me or not, I feel it is time to inject a little thought provoking ideas into your life.
I am sure I am about to get flamed for posting this, but I feel the need to anyways. I have been seeing these threads talking about bullying and teachers or preceptors hating the students, and new nurses or abusing them because of some perceived slight or injustice. Well guess what?
The world is a hard cold nasty place that does not need to be polite to you or worry whether your feelings got hurt and you feel offended. You need to grow up and realize that the abuse that you claim is rampant, or the bullying that you experience all the time is not their problem, but rather your problem.
I see so many posts about this and I wonder how some of these people have survived as long as they have. School is tough? Deal with it. You think that someone else is getting it easier? Well too bad, they may be but no one ever promised you everything would be fair. You have to learn that there is inequality in life. It's how you overcome that inequality that matters. It teaches perseverance.
Abusive teachers? Maybe they are trying to get the best in you to come out. What you think is abuse maybe is pushing you to your limits, to get you further along in your potential. So your feelings got hurt at school, grow up, feelings get hurt every day.
Your preceptor is unorganized and does not like you and bad mouths you to your manager, and all your patients love you but no one at the hospital sees how great you really are?
Well your preceptor may actually have great time management skill, but when having to slow down and teach someone their job, things do tend to get disorganized. You may be part of the blame there.
Did you ever stop to think that you are the proverbial monkey wrench in a well oiled machine? The need to teach you, and I realize you do need to learn, can be very time consuming. They may tell your manager that you need improving or that you are not advancing fast enough. They may be all smiles to you, because they want to support you and keep you positive, but they need to tell the manager how you really are.
Speaking of orientation, how often have I seen statements that say the other nurses are not supportive and will not answer questions. Have you ever thought that maybe you are asking TOO MANY questions?
After a bit it may seem that you are not retaining the info provided and everyone gets tired of answering the same questions over and over. Part of learning is knowing when to shut your mouth and just watch. It has been said by people wiser than me that the only question you should ask is the question that you already know the answer to. If that does not make sense to you, think about it for a while and you might just be surprised that a light comes on.
So basically what i am saying is grow up and act like the adult that you are. Life is not fair, school is not fair, work is not fair. You just have to learn to deal with it.
What inspired you to write that? I would bet you're not a parent.
Here's my perspective. I came to nursing as a second career. Formerly I was an attorney (I still have my license and am looking at ways to dust it off some day, but that's another story).
I was used to an office environment full of suits and, I came to realize, a level of professional respect. Nursing was not the same at all. Have you heard the expression "nurses eat their young"? It's real. Google it. Horizontal violence. Yes, that's another term. Compared to my professional lawyerly workplace where people could have a (relatively) calm, professional disagreement, nursing exemplifies sarcastic, blaming, backstabbing, passive aggressive behaviors at a level I had not experienced since the playground. These things are real. To just tell people to "grow up" seems pretty dismissive and certainly not very helpful.
You're technically correct that it's unreasonable for new nurses, exposed to the slings and arrows of nursing, to expect that other nurses, in general, should be nicer to them, or whatever. But, if someone has a problem with how another individual colleague they work with regularly is treating them, they should consider talking to that person to see if they can build a better relationship. When nurses have conflicts with other nurses, they talk about it with their buddies, tattle to management...they seem to talk to everyone EXCEPT the nurse they conflict with. I hope management at your facility does what they can to stamp out this counterproductive behavior. Nurses, especially ones who work together regularly, should work out their differences. As a lawyer, I don't have a problem approaching nurses who rarely irk me enough to justify it. Most of the time it works out well. For example, I report off to a nurse who is very energetic and interrupts a lot to jump ahead to ask questions about later items in my SBAR, which annoys me. She also can be a little oblivious of my time crunch (ie I'm trying to report off so I can clock out). During report she's going and messing with the pump to check and see when she needs to hang her next bag, writing her name on the white
board, etc. These tasks are distracting and can be done after we finish report. I think report should be devoted to introducing the new nurse, doing a thorough bedside report, a quick safety check of IVs, O2, etc. and that's it. Remember I need to do more reports and get out of here, yeah? I felt myself on more than one occasion getting irritated. Long story short: I talked to her about these things and it was a terrific, calm, discussion. She listened and has made a concerted effort to work on these things. Our working relationship improved. about it. My point is, although nursing is a tough kitchen to cook in, and although people need to be able to stand the heat, they also need to be empowered to stand up for themselves and demand some respect in appropriate instances.
Telling people they should just grow up and quit whining is not particularly helpful. What new nurses need to be is MENTORED. They need to be taught how to get their act together to avoid ******* off senior nurses. They need to be listened to. If they feel that people are bullying them, listen to them! Ultimately it's going to be their choice: either you're going to have to crank up your courage and find the right moment to go talk to this person directly, get help from your ANM (who hopefully will just say "you need to talk amongst yourselves), or just accept this behavior and let it roll off your back, try not to take it personally, etc.
I have a new nurse on my shift who I could see was struggling last night because she had that deer in the headlights look a few times. I had a slow night going, so I asked her repeatedly whether I could help. She thanked me, but said no. Then, about 10 min prior to the start of report, she said "well, you could draw a nurse collect for me." She knew about this HOURS ago. Did she **** me off? Yes. She said she just "forgot" to tell me earlier, which I can believe as a new nurse she genuinely did. What am I going to do about it? Well, first I went and drew her labs right quick. When I see her again tonight, I'm going to MENTOR her. I'm going to explain that because she does not want to forget stuff like this, she needs to use tools, such as a timeline for night shift, to help her stay organized. She needs to also not be shy about asking people to help her if she's overwhelmed, but do so in a way that is respectful of others' time. In short, I'm going to help her become a better nurse. As experienced nurses, this is what we all should do. That said, if you have a new nurse who is not progressing, they need to be taken under someone's wing. The behavior that needs to change needs to be identified (calmly and professionally and probably by a manager) so that it can be corrected. If the nurse still doesn't progress, maybe it's time to start helping them out the door.
Am I being clear here? Telling people to essentially grow up, quit whining, nursing is a gloves off job, just dismisses their legitimate frustration. Remember: nursing may be gloves off, but it is often that way because it's flipping dysfunctional! There IS horizontal violence, nurses DO eat their young. New nurses need to be empowered to stand up for themselves (in carefully chosen cases that justify it) and respectfully ask their colleagues to work on themselves, not just to suck it up.
As another posted also stated, this is one of the best responses I have read regarding bullying and horizontal violence within the nursing profession. I agree with you. Many of the issues seem related to a passive aggressive style of conflict resolution.
Specializes in Acute Care - Adult, Med Surg, Neuro.
I give a big :rolleyes: to posts like this. I've been a nurse only a few years, but I worked my tail off. I started on day shift with many very experienced nurses. And yes, there were more experienced nurses who were rude to me. I had one call me at home to apologize for her behavior towards me. I didn't grit my teeth and bear it, I learned to stand up for myself, and I didn't accept a hostile environment. I also switched shifts and now work with a good mix of co-workers (both experienced and newer).
Please don't pigeon hole everybody as a whiny baby. Even though I'm young, I'm tough as nails now. And YES, older nurses can be rude to their young and downright nasty. I would never work day shift again. But if I did, I'm not taking that crap anymore. There are also experienced nurses who are absolutely fabulous. One of my mentors has been a nurse longer than I have been alive. I can go to her for anything, and she is extremely valuable to us newer nurses with her wealth of knowledge and experience. You nurses with years of experience can help us so much and have so much to give to us newer generation. I hate this "us against them" attitude, which goes both ways. It's so pathetic. We are all here for our patients and for our profession, if we just cut the crap and learned to work together, this would be much better.
OCN; you don't know what you are talking about. I myself am an ADN who got their BSN while working. However, I can still express my perception of things. That being, that most bad preceptors are ADN nurses and they don't have the necessary professional background required for successful precepting. That is my opinion, for better or worse.
So...all of the nasty comments regarding ADN nurses and their lack of social graces was in reference to yourself?! Seriously judgemental, or perhaps self descriptive....
In any event, you can not justify painting ADN's with such a broad brush. Many will go on to get BSN's, others quite happy getting an ADN. Associate's degrees do take some level of intelligence....NOT to mention the fact that both ADN's and BSN's take the EXACT same NCLEX....so.....
But if one is a BSN or an MSN, hopefully one will get to the level of not tolerating any nurse who is not acting professionally. That so many continue to work (and there are just as many BSN's who are outrageous in their actions) is eye opening. With that being said, it would be wicked cool if BSN's who endevour to become managers do something about it.
I have the ever-so-golden BSN and whenever I've had to precept new grads I made sure to do it with an iron fist. I tell them they're idiots and slap their hands whenever they make the slightest mistakes because I know I'm the king of the floor.
I have the ever-so-golden BSN and whenever I've had to precept new grads I made sure to do it with an iron fist. I tell them they're idiots and slap their hands whenever they make the slightest mistakes because I know I'm the king of the floor.
To a point I agree with your post. Yes, some people are more sensitive than others. Yes some people are more needy than others. Perception. Everything and everyone has their own perception. One story could have TEN different interpretations. That doesn't necessarily mean that people can't be mean. Nursing is a funny profession. For a profession that has for so long sought to be recognized as a profession, I have witnessed COUNTLESS incidences and behaviors that are extremely unprofessional. This has been in every workplace. It doesn't matter where you go, it is the same everywhere.
It would be interesting if all nurses who endevour to keep their jobs, regardless of degree status, were held accountable for their interpersonal relationships of the profession, their willingness to work as a team, their dedication to patient care as opposed to personal behavioral issues that spill into the workplace.
Instead of the focus being on letting multi year nurses go, making their work life miserable and take away from the care of the patient, downing those who may not have an ultimate highest that one can degree but are amazing at what they do, if people who are higher on the leadership ladder want a trickle down effect of smoothly run units with extraordinary patient care--there needs to be a change in culture.
And unfortunetely, culture change will not happen with non-nurse friendly corporations who see nursing as a money sucking venture.
And this is exactly why I chose nursing. Not. Enough. Compassion.
Bullying in this field is real and instead of blaming the victim, blame the bully. I grew up when I ignored the bully and focused all my attention to my patients but the work place would be a whole lot better if we didn't have to settle with "life isn't fair". If you are not a kind person, I'm not too sure you should even work in a hospital setting. Too many of my patients complain about the same issue: mean, nasty, unkind "grown up" staff.
I just wish we could all remember why we became nurses. If not for your passion to help others, then quit or find that passion. I don't feel like I should grow up for being sensitive because it is in my nature as an empathizer. You, however, or whoever is the bitter one in the situation, can most certainly soften up. Yes, some people are self absorbed but regardless, nurses should be more nice to each other. What pleasure do you get out of making the workplace a miserable one? I will never understand why people in this profession choose the miserable route when that all could work as a team. I most certainly don't think that those who have quit the profession should have sucked it up because stress just is not worth your life and working in this type of man eat man environment is stress on top of stress of caring for your patients.
If you're naturally a nasty person, grow up, because this work environment demands compassion.
(Your logic on asking questions makes for a dangerous environment for the patients. I understand how you feel about people asking too many questions because my siblings do it all the time when they can simply just look it up but in a hospital setting you need to suck up your pride and help when you can. This isn't about you or the other nurse, it's about the patients.)
I've never been bullied. I came to nursing laterer in life and i am also a man and feel I received tons of support NY my instructors and preceptors. Maybe being an older guy has something to do with it. However, I've seen younger female nurses "bullied" (or call it whatever you like) plenty of times. Lots of talking badly about new nurses behind their backs. I loathe this. Younger female nurses seem to get the worst of it. Now maybe it's my turn to get flamed but I think some of this is just old fashioned cattiness.
....... You are being bullied? Maybe it is because you are weak. You are being bullied? Your problem. Get over it.
It puts onus on the target and not the perpetrator, an approach that I strongly disagree with. Instead we need to hold higher standards: instead of teaching being not to "get raped/bullied", we need to teach people not to rape or bully others.
This is pure, unadulterated folly. Neither you nor I nor anyone else will EVER "teach" someone not to commit violence. The only thing we can teach is how not to be a victim. I'm never bullied because I don't tolerate it. I defend and protect myself against it. It's not someone else's job to protect me....it's mine...alone.
I've never been bullied. I came to nursing laterer in life and i am also a man and feel I received tons of support NY my instructors and preceptors. Maybe being an older guy has something to do with it. However, I've seen younger female nurses "bullied" (or call it whatever you like) plenty of times. Lots of talking badly about new nurses behind their backs. I loathe this. Younger female nurses seem to get the worst of it. Now maybe it's my turn to get flamed but I think some of this is just old fashioned cattiness.
I do not believe it is cattiness.
Now i might get flamed for this,but i have noticed nursing clicks form based on race,ethnicity,and language.
If you are outside of the dominant ethnicity or race working on the unit,you will get bullied.
:rolleyes:
forthebirds
50 Posts
As another posted also stated, this is one of the best responses I have read regarding bullying and horizontal violence within the nursing profession. I agree with you. Many of the issues seem related to a passive aggressive style of conflict resolution.