Time to don the fireproof underwear. It is 0500 and the reality alarm clock is ringing, and some people do not like to hear it go off. So whether you agree with me or not, I feel it is time to inject a little thought provoking ideas into your life.
I am sure I am about to get flamed for posting this, but I feel the need to anyways. I have been seeing these threads talking about bullying and teachers or preceptors hating the students, and new nurses or abusing them because of some perceived slight or injustice. Well guess what?
The world is a hard cold nasty place that does not need to be polite to you or worry whether your feelings got hurt and you feel offended. You need to grow up and realize that the abuse that you claim is rampant, or the bullying that you experience all the time is not their problem, but rather your problem.
I see so many posts about this and I wonder how some of these people have survived as long as they have. School is tough? Deal with it. You think that someone else is getting it easier? Well too bad, they may be but no one ever promised you everything would be fair. You have to learn that there is inequality in life. It's how you overcome that inequality that matters. It teaches perseverance.
Abusive teachers? Maybe they are trying to get the best in you to come out. What you think is abuse maybe is pushing you to your limits, to get you further along in your potential. So your feelings got hurt at school, grow up, feelings get hurt every day.
Your preceptor is unorganized and does not like you and bad mouths you to your manager, and all your patients love you but no one at the hospital sees how great you really are?
Well your preceptor may actually have great time management skill, but when having to slow down and teach someone their job, things do tend to get disorganized. You may be part of the blame there.
Did you ever stop to think that you are the proverbial monkey wrench in a well oiled machine? The need to teach you, and I realize you do need to learn, can be very time consuming. They may tell your manager that you need improving or that you are not advancing fast enough. They may be all smiles to you, because they want to support you and keep you positive, but they need to tell the manager how you really are.
Speaking of orientation, how often have I seen statements that say the other nurses are not supportive and will not answer questions. Have you ever thought that maybe you are asking TOO MANY questions?
After a bit it may seem that you are not retaining the info provided and everyone gets tired of answering the same questions over and over. Part of learning is knowing when to shut your mouth and just watch. It has been said by people wiser than me that the only question you should ask is the question that you already know the answer to. If that does not make sense to you, think about it for a while and you might just be surprised that a light comes on.
So basically what i am saying is grow up and act like the adult that you are. Life is not fair, school is not fair, work is not fair. You just have to learn to deal with it.
Where I work the cliques are more likely to be multiracial than not. Most people are sensible and prudent enough to keep their prejudices to themselves because not doing so is a great way to get fired, disciplined, be despised, ostracized etc. In this country being called a racist is right up there with being called a pedophile in the pariah department.
It may also be that you are not subjected to the same treatment because you are a male.
I'm not sure what my gender has to do with it. I'm simply not a victim...I don't have the "professional victim" mentality. This is my life and I choose what I will and won't tolerate. I'm never "subjected" to anything. People in my life, whether it be professional or personal will either treat me with fundamental professional and personal respect or they won't interact with me at all. I've had plenty of people over the years TRY to bully me but I take care of that when it happens.
I'm not sure what my gender has to do with it. I'm simply not a victim...I don't have the "professional victim" mentality. This is my life and I choose what I will and won't tolerate. I'm never "subjected" to anything. People in my life, whether it be professional or personal will either treat me with fundamental professional and personal respect or they won't interact with me at all. I've had plenty of people over the years TRY to bully me but I take care of that when it happens.
There are no absolutes. Gender can be an influencing factor in many situations, so I don't think it is out of the realm of possibilities in this discussion.
There are no absolutes. Gender can be an influencing factor in many situations, so I don't think it is out of the realm of possibilities in this discussion.
Isn't the term "There are no absolutes" something of a contradiction in terms? There are absolutely no absolutes? I'll have to respectfully disagree here. I absolutely don't let people bully me....absolutely.
Isn't the term "There are no absolutes" something of a contradiction in terms? There are absolutely no absolutes? I'll have to respectfully disagree here. I absolutely don't let people bully me....absolutely.
I was using a succinct statement to quickly make a point. Yes, there are absolutes in life. My point was that gender *could* be a factor in regard to how you (as a male) are treated in this female dominated line of work.
Specializes in NICU, PICU, Transport, L&D, Hospice.
This is pure, unadulterated folly. Neither you nor I nor anyone else will EVER "teach" someone not to commit violence. The only thing we can teach is how not to be a victim. I'm never bullied because I don't tolerate it. I defend and protect myself against it. It's not someone else's job to protect me....it's mine...alone.
So this is the thinking that questions the rape victim for evidence of their role in the crime; why did you wear THAT top or skirt? Why did you drink that much? Why did you go to that party? Presumably because the person who committed the crime is not able to control themselves and that is okay but the female MUST be held accountable. And for the victim of bullying it is Why didn't you stand up to him? Why didn't you hit back? Why didn't you walk away? ETC.
While I am an advocate of not allowing a bully the luxury of unchallenged bullying, I also understand that the victims are NOT responsible for the behavior of the bully (or the rapist).
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
I do not believe it is cattiness.
Now i might get flamed for this,but i have noticed nursing clicks form based on race,ethnicity,and language.
If you are outside of the dominant ethnicity or race working on the unit,you will get bullied.
Nursing CLIQUES get formed on all sorts of boundaries, but I've never noticed that race, ethnicity and/or language play a big part. Most of the folks from other countries are friends with their former countrymen outside of work, but at work they are fully integrated with the team. The CLIQUES seem to be based on "cohorts." The nurses who were hired in a big group in January are all friends with each other, help each other out and don't integrate fully into the rest of the team until the majority of their cohort moves on.
What little actual bullying I've seen is usually someone with 2-5 years of experience who for some reason has concluded that they know more than anyone else preying upon anyone who will let them. If you don't let them, the bullying rarely continues for very long.
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
So this is the thinking that questions the rape victim for evidence of their role in the crime; why did you wear THAT top or skirt? Why did you drink that much? Why did you go to that party? Presumably because the person who committed the crime is not able to control themselves and that is okay but the female MUST be held accountable. And for the victim of bullying it is Why didn't you stand up to him? Why didn't you hit back? Why didn't you walk away? ETC.
While I am an advocate of not allowing a bully the luxury of unchallenged bullying, I also understand that the victims are NOT responsible for the behavior of the bully (or the rapist).
The rape analogy is tired, worn out, inflammatory and inaccurate. A woman should be allowed to walk naked through a room of partying frat boys without being molested.
As far as bullying goes, however, some folks seem to make a lifetime habit of being victimized, and if someone is bullied over and over, they ought to take a good, hard look at themselves and what THEy are contributing to the interaction. In fact, I would go so far as to say that someone who considers themselves bullied ONCE ought to take a good, hard look at what they bring to the interaction. Could be they're encountering a real, live (and rare) beast, a bona fide bully. Chances are not, however.
So this is the thinking that questions the rape victim for evidence of their role in the crime........
This may be some category of thinking regarding rape but that's not what we're talking about here. We're talking about office "bullying". It was asserted that I am immune to bullying because I'm a man. I assert that has nothing to do with it. To state otherwise is to imply that women aren't CAPABLE of standing up for themselves, which I reject out of hand. The shape/configuration of one's reproductive organs has nothing whatsoever to do with one's ability to stand firmly on the ground of right and wrong and to defend oneself against office bullying. Once again, I believe it's a matter of mentality. It's not easy to protect yourself. There are many things you have to do to put self protection in place. However, while it's not easy or fun, it is the ONLY thing that works.
This may be some category of thinking regarding rape but that's not what we're talking about here. We're talking about office "bullying". It was asserted that I am immune to bullying because I'm a man. I assert that has nothing to do with it. To state otherwise is to imply that women aren't CAPABLE of standing up for themselves, which I reject out of hand. The shape/configuration of one's reproductive organs has nothing whatsoever to do with one's ability to stand firmly on the ground of right and wrong and to defend oneself against office bullying. Once again, I believe it's a matter of mentality. It's not easy to protect yourself. There are many things you have to do to put self protection in place. However, while it's not easy or fun, it is the ONLY thing that works.
This reply seems more indirectly written for our exchange. I stated that being a male *may* contribute to your overall treatment in this profession. If you choose to ignore that possibility, twist words and infer that I somehow meant women aren't capable of standing up for themselves based on that statement, then my point has been greatly misconstrued. This form of arguing is used to shut people down, not resolve issues. Clearly you and I will not come to an agreement here but that is not carte blanche to distort the context of my original words.
Sean68
24 Posts
Where I work the cliques are more likely to be multiracial than not. Most people are sensible and prudent enough to keep their prejudices to themselves because not doing so is a great way to get fired, disciplined, be despised, ostracized etc. In this country being called a racist is right up there with being called a pedophile in the pariah department.