Time to don the fireproof underwear. It is 0500 and the reality alarm clock is ringing, and some people do not like to hear it go off. So whether you agree with me or not, I feel it is time to inject a little thought provoking ideas into your life.
I am sure I am about to get flamed for posting this, but I feel the need to anyways. I have been seeing these threads talking about bullying and teachers or preceptors hating the students, and new nurses or abusing them because of some perceived slight or injustice. Well guess what?
The world is a hard cold nasty place that does not need to be polite to you or worry whether your feelings got hurt and you feel offended. You need to grow up and realize that the abuse that you claim is rampant, or the bullying that you experience all the time is not their problem, but rather your problem.
I see so many posts about this and I wonder how some of these people have survived as long as they have. School is tough? Deal with it. You think that someone else is getting it easier? Well too bad, they may be but no one ever promised you everything would be fair. You have to learn that there is inequality in life. It's how you overcome that inequality that matters. It teaches perseverance.
Abusive teachers? Maybe they are trying to get the best in you to come out. What you think is abuse maybe is pushing you to your limits, to get you further along in your potential. So your feelings got hurt at school, grow up, feelings get hurt every day.
Your preceptor is unorganized and does not like you and bad mouths you to your manager, and all your patients love you but no one at the hospital sees how great you really are?
Well your preceptor may actually have great time management skill, but when having to slow down and teach someone their job, things do tend to get disorganized. You may be part of the blame there.
Did you ever stop to think that you are the proverbial monkey wrench in a well oiled machine? The need to teach you, and I realize you do need to learn, can be very time consuming. They may tell your manager that you need improving or that you are not advancing fast enough. They may be all smiles to you, because they want to support you and keep you positive, but they need to tell the manager how you really are.
Speaking of orientation, how often have I seen statements that say the other nurses are not supportive and will not answer questions. Have you ever thought that maybe you are asking TOO MANY questions?
After a bit it may seem that you are not retaining the info provided and everyone gets tired of answering the same questions over and over. Part of learning is knowing when to shut your mouth and just watch. It has been said by people wiser than me that the only question you should ask is the question that you already know the answer to. If that does not make sense to you, think about it for a while and you might just be surprised that a light comes on.
So basically what i am saying is grow up and act like the adult that you are. Life is not fair, school is not fair, work is not fair. You just have to learn to deal with it.
So, if I understand correctly, you were saying that female nurses treat me differently than they would otherwise treat a female in this environment? Help me understand. If I misconstrued your argument, I apologize. That was not my intent. I would, however make the argument that this is the first "female dominated" work environment I've ever worked in and I wasn't bullied in previous environments either. Simply stated, again....I'm not a victim. I take responsibility for sticking up for myself.
Reading back through this thread, I continue to be amazed at the diversity of ways in which people will defend their victimhood and the vigor with which they will defend their right to exist in that class. I guess that makes sense since it's comfortable and easy to be a victim......somebody else is always responsible for what happens to victims.
When I was an LPN, an alcoholic charge RN who often came in hung over, slammed me against a wall once. I reported it to mgmt, nothing was done. She also was verbally abusive. Boy, did I smile when about a year later I saw her in the state board newsletter under "license revoked."
My nursing school professors were bullies, too. One hit a student across the face. The program director was suspended for child endangerment. All kinds of emotional abuse went on.
They said we could not have a pinning ceremony, so we students got together and booked a place to have our own ceremony. One of the instructors called the place, pretending to be me and cancelled our reservation.
When I was a new grad RN and was going to give my very first blood transfusion, the charge nurse refused to check it w/ me, saying "I don't like white people, so I don't like you."
If these people aren't bullies, then what are they?
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
When I was an LPN, an alcoholic charge RN who often came in hung over, slammed me against a wall once. I reported it to mgmt, nothing was done. She also was verbally abusive. Boy, did I smile when about a year later I saw her in the state board newsletter under "license revoked."
My nursing school professors were bullies, too. One hit a student across the face. The program director was suspended for child endangerment. All kinds of emotional abuse went on.
They said we could not have a pinning ceremony, so we students got together and booked a place to have our own ceremony. One of the instructors called the place, pretending to be me and cancelled our reservation.
When I was a new grad RN and was going to give my very first blood transfusion, the charge nurse refused to check it w/ me, saying "I don't like white people, so I don't like you."
If these people aren't bullies, then what are they?
If they are bullies, you sure run into a lot of them. Maybe you should take some time for some honest self-reflection to determine what you are bringing to the table. But I'd guess they're just nasty people, and those are everywhere.
OCN; you don't know what you are talking about. I myself am an ADN who got their BSN while working. However, I can still express my perception of things. That being, that most bad preceptors are ADN nurses and they don't have the necessary professional background required for successful precepting. That is my opinion, for better or worse.
What is it in your BSN classes that make you better as a preceptor? I've looked over several different programs and the classes to take, and don't remember ever seeing anything related to precepting. Ever.
Oh, and this ADN has received nothing but glowing reviews from those she has precepted.
Never ask a question you don't already know the answer to??? Wow!!! I have to say, reading this diatribe has reminded me what kind of nurse I don't want to be. I don't think anyone ever suggested that the world is not a hard place and you have to learn to live in it. But, and I don't know how many can remember that far back, because I think the issue is most senior nurses were taught by trial by fire, and sorry to say, that's just not the way it is now, nor should it be encouraged.
Lots of nurses are threatened by the new nurses figuring they are going to take their jobs, and that's not possible, because the generation that is being cared for now is one of the largest in the history of the US. Also, a lot of the senior nurses are returning from retirement because they lost most if not all their savings, and that's f fine, if you decide to return. But, think about it, the nurse you don't take the time to train, is the one that's going to be pushing your meds later, and maybe even the meds of your parents or your children's, children. That should make you pause, hopefully.
Bad mouthing, disrespectful, and downright mean behavior is not needed in order to train someone. Smiling in front of the nurses face and saying you're doing ok, is a very poor preceptor, how about putting on your proverbial man panties and giving the nurse constructive feedback and ways he/she can improve. Instead of telling manager, they suck and telling employee they're ok. To keep them motivated??? That's a load, no, it's too make sure they don't make it. Your job is not in jeopardy, it's ok to teach, and encourage without eating your youngs.
I'm going to stop now, because I have to say, your preamble to your post said it all....sad!!!
This is pure, unadulterated folly. Neither you nor I nor anyone else will EVER "teach" someone not to commit violence. The only thing we can teach is how not to be a victim. I'm never bullied because I don't tolerate it. I defend and protect myself against it. It's not someone else's job to protect me....it's mine...alone.
And that may be true outside of the workplace, but to be able to do one's job--that deals with patient's lives and livelyhoods, the expectation should be to not have to deal with sophmoric shenannigans, down right dangerous behaviors, and having to watch your back constantly. We get enough of that from administration. Who I think actually get a kick out of it as at the end of the day, they get rid of the expensive ones, and bring in another nurse for less.
They could care less if they bring in a new nurse a week--but it lacks a certain compassion to downright sociopathic that anyone's goal in the workplace is to be nasty enough and manipulative enough to make someone quit--especially a fellow nurse. This isn't Dungeon's and Dragons. We are not gladiators, fighting for the amusement of the royals. Real people, real lives.
It is insulting to the profession to say that inappropriate behavior is OK on one's unit. And by not doing anything proactive on a managment level, it is in essence OK'ing it.
When I was an LPN, an alcoholic charge RN who often came in hung over, slammed me against a wall once. I reported it to mgmt, nothing was done. She also was verbally abusive. Boy, did I smile when about a year later I saw her in the state board newsletter under "license revoked."
My nursing school professors were bullies, too. One hit a student across the face. The program director was suspended for child endangerment. All kinds of emotional abuse went on.
They said we could not have a pinning ceremony, so we students got together and booked a place to have our own ceremony. One of the instructors called the place, pretending to be me and cancelled our reservation.
When I was a new grad RN and was going to give my very first blood transfusion, the charge nurse refused to check it w/ me, saying "I don't like white people, so I don't like you."
If these people aren't bullies, then what are they?
Psychology Today has certainly printed some real crap from time to time, but this article is one I really enjoy. A giant problem has been created by people labeling mean or rude behavior as bullying. While rudeness and meanness are certainly unacceptable, they are different from bullying. Bullying is repeated behaviors from the same source with the intention of inflicting pain (physically or psychologically) and often times involves fear and intimidation.
Three stories:
In junior high school, there was a select group of individuals who were repeatedly aggressive verbally and physically toward me. I was terrified of them. I spoke up. No one listened. It never was resolved, but I eventually moved and it was no longer an issue. It continued for years though. This is bullying.
I had a boss who was extremely blunt always and extremely poor at eye contact. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if she has Aspergers. She rubs people the wrong way, always saying exactly what she means without fluff. From time to time, feelings got hurt. She didn't mean to hurt feelings - she just didn't communicate in a unicorns farting glitter sort of way. This was rude. Not bullying.
There is a lady. She's from a middle class family and she sends her kids to private school. Relentlessly she talks about how her kids are bullied and how she is bullied all the time by the wives and children of doctors. She's decided that the doctors' wives are a clique (OMG to the previous poster who corrected that spelling, thank you!) that look down their noses at her because she's not rich like they are. It's absurd, really. She's the only one saying anything nasty and none of the children have ever actually been mean to hers. The amount of trash talking that comes out of her mouth is absolutely mind blowing. The people she says the worst stuff about have actually been some of the most welcoming of me and my family and I've seen first hand how sweet and generous they are to other families in our community. God know when I was in school, we were probably not even middle class, and that's no secret because they know what my husband does for a living. Never have a I felt like they've judged that. She is not bullied. They're not mean to her. Gosh - I'd be surprised if they were ever even rude before she started the flame throwing. I mean, I'm sure it's possible, but I don't see it at all.
My intention in sharing these real examples is that all parts of the spectrum do exist. There are some people who, for who knows what reason, crave that attention that they get when people believe they are victims. In my limited life experience, I've learned that you find what you're looking for. If you look for people who are bullying you, you will find them. I do believe that woman felt 100% that she'd been bullied and that her kids are bullied as well. In her mind, this is an endless and ongoing struggle.
But I do also believe very much that some people are legitimately bullied. As with the case of my former boss - if you didn't know any better, you might feel bullied by her behavior. But if you know her, you know she has a giant heart and would never hurt a person intentionally. She just sucks at communicating. I believe the very best thing a person can do is really assess the situation and decide if this person is intentionally trying to do harm. If not, it's not bullying. If it's not repeated behaviors, it's not bulling. If it's not a situation that involves an unbalance of power, it's not bullying.
True bullying involves fear and intimidation. It's not about a person being a jerk. "A holes" exist everywhere. It's being targeted and somehow harmed repeatedly by one that makes you a victim of bullying. If that is the situation you are in, you can choose to no longer be victimized, or you can choose to continue to be victimized. But you have to own that decision. Evaluate options and consequences. Ask for advice from people you don't work with. Decide how much you're willing to change in your own life to address and solve the problem.
Don't spend months and years of your life going on and on about being bullied, though. Not only is it unhealthy for you to dwell on it outside of work, and frustrating for friends who want to help you out of a situation you won't leave, but you are choosing to stay in this situation. You are CHOOSING to, which means if you are staying, you are accepting this part of your life and allowing it to continue. I may get a lot of negative feedback for saying that, but if you aren't actively trying to solve the problem, you ARE letting it continue. Face and accept that.
And if any of you is in a bullying situation right now, genuinely, my heart is with you and I hope you do have options to fix it. I offer you great big hugs because it definitely isn't fair, and knowing that the victim DOES sometimes have to change jobs and deal with many more consequences than the bully does really is messed up.
I don't think all "bullying" is bad. How else are you supposed to learn right from wrong? It can be a good teacher. As a society, we need to put on our big girl/boy underwear and deal with life. We are too coddled at this point.
"Life isn't fair" means not everyone gets a trophy.... It means that we want you to fly on your own BUT, some people are never ready for that time! I don't screw new nurses over. I WANT you to know what I know so you can give your patients the BEST care you can! WHY??? Because, one day, you may have to look after me!!! I want a knowledgeable, caring nurse who knows the answers to my questions without asking someone else for the answer! Time may be of the essence and if I have to wait while you find an "old" nurse to give the answer, my health may falter!
I'm with Kyrshamarks in answering questions from new nurses.....although I gave my new coworkers 5 TIMES before I told him/her to go look it up (AND WHERE to look it up!). WHY??? Because I don't work 7 days a week and I won't be there everyday to answer that same question!!
I'm not screwing anyone over~~~~I want you to be able to think for yourself!!
Honestly, I liked the "flames." Seems someone, at some point, published a very similar piece around high school graduation time, i.e., the world does not owe you a living, you will not automatically drive a fancy car, etc., etc. More young adults need to grow up, leave home, stand on their own two feet and genuinely appreciate their parents and family who have tried to help them along the way.
Indeed, bullying does exist these days, but it always has, from the playground into life. As someone stated earlier, we all need to grow thicker skins, and accept bullying as horribly bad behavior. In fact, we should feel sorry for those who bully; they were never taught any better life skills and THEY are the losers - not the rest of us.
These are merely my opinions - no need for any nasties, please. We're all entitled....
Unfair comparison..."It's not the rapist's fault you're being raped...." Seriously???
New nurses are always coming down on us older, experienced nurses as "eating our young". I don't fish for excuses to find fault....I don't even find fault as long as you're trying to learn your job!!
Co-dependence does NOT work in this field....you need to KNOW your stuff and be able to utilize it!! You can NOT rely on somebody helping you ALL the time!!
midlife101
25 Posts
So, if I understand correctly, you were saying that female nurses treat me differently than they would otherwise treat a female in this environment? Help me understand. If I misconstrued your argument, I apologize. That was not my intent. I would, however make the argument that this is the first "female dominated" work environment I've ever worked in and I wasn't bullied in previous environments either. Simply stated, again....I'm not a victim. I take responsibility for sticking up for myself.
Reading back through this thread, I continue to be amazed at the diversity of ways in which people will defend their victimhood and the vigor with which they will defend their right to exist in that class. I guess that makes sense since it's comfortable and easy to be a victim......somebody else is always responsible for what happens to victims.