I've been and RN for 16 years. After graduation, I worked on a med/surg floor for 1 year then went into home health. That is where I stayed until 3 years ago when I went back into hospital nursing, med/surg. I did pretty well getting back into the swing of hospital nursing, however, I do find it very stressful and physically as well as mentally challenging. I have been handling it well for the most part however. I am in my late 40s.
However, the last several months, on those very stressful days, (you know what I'm talking about, when you have admissions, discharges, pt procedures, pt's going bad and being transferred, and those kinds of things happening all at once), I've noticed that the stress is almost unbearable. I feel like I am going to explode on the inside at times (I'm not talking about an outward outburst, I just feel a horrible turmoil on the inside). On the days so much is going on, I feel very inadequate as a nurse because I feel there is too much going on that I can't keep a handle on it. I am actually, a good nurse.
Our patient ratio ranges anywhere from 5 to 7, rarely 8 to one nurse. Our patients are such high acuity sometimes and we do have many unruly patients at times.
I have, at times, gone to our assistant unit manager telling her of my stress level being very high during the times it has been, and she has always been understanding telling me to take a break. However, the other day, I had a horrible stress filled day with SO much going on, I felt I may crumple up in a corner somewhere and start crying or screaming or something. I just felt so overwhelmed all day long. However, I always manage to take care of my pts, get everything done, and manage to leave somewhat on time. I still don't feel good about my days work. Anyway, I talked with my husband about it on this horrible day and I told him I don't think I can go on working like this that the stress level is so high I don't think I can bear it anymore. He was very understanding and said whatever I have to do, we will do.
The next day on the way to work, I felt as if my body and mind had been in some kind of war or something. I took report, but didn't feel right. I saw a couple of patients, until my manager came in and I told her how I felt. She told me that I needed to see a doctor, which I did. She took me out of work for a week, put me on an antidepressant, and made an appt for me to see a psychologist. I told my unit manager this and she was very understanding and I got the papers for a medical leave. My appt with the psych is in a few days.
Right now I feel better, but that is knowing that I don't have to go back to work for several days. The med has me feeling a little jittery and restless, but at least I don't have depressing thoughts. Now I'm here at home trying to figure out where I want to go from here. I don't know whether or not to try the hospital again after my rest, new meds, and appt to the psch, or try to find something else. Something else in this economy will be hard to find, and even so, I don't know where else I would want to work. I got really sick of home health care nursing....so I don't want to go back to that. MD offices are also horribly stressful I would think.
Our finances are good, we have most of our bills payed for, one child married, but one child in college which we have to pay 12 K a year for (she had a partial scholarship). If we really had to, we can afford for me to not work for awhile. But during that time, I would lose my experience, and you have to actually work as a nurse to keep your license up. So I am left pondering some deep questions. Can I really take this anymore? And if I can't, what now? I hate to lose what I have worked so hard for, but I want to live also and not have some mental breakdown, which is what came so very near to happening. I have not adequatley described the horrible way I have been feeling and my anxiety level. But suffice it to say, it was unbearable. I have thoughts of this world being horrible, nothing good in it and all kinds of things.
I can tell everyone I worked with is stressed too, so it's not just me, but I'm the only one that it has affected in this way
Words of wisdom from anyone? I'm kind of tender right now, so please be gentle. :)
Specializes in Med-Surg, HH, Tele, Geriatrics, Psych.
Good luck with everything. I am currently on a 2 1/2 week hiatus from work myself (for the same reasons). Only one very close friend knows why I am out (besides my boss).
I am taking the time off to look at other options in nursing that are less stressful (yeah, right!)
But, go back, try to have a positive attitude and try not to let things get to you. We have all been there!!
I've been where you are. Good luck to you. It took me several months but I found something less stressful when I went back to work. I also cut out the overtime completely for awhile.
Eat right, exercise, take your meds and take good care of yourself.
Specializes in Management, Emergency, Psych, Med Surg.
I have had to go out several times (about 6) during my 31 year career secondary to my mental illness (depression with cyclothymia). I have always had a lot of management support. Being on meds had changed my life. I would be non functional without them.
Today I was suppose to go back to work after being out for 3 weeks of medical leave for the mental breakdown due to stress I had at work or whatever it was. After 2 weeks home and meds, I started feeling much better and thought I was ready to go back to work.So I had been feeling good for the last week. Last night I couldn't sleep I was so wound up. This morning in the shower I was having panic attacks, breathing hard, and feeling extreme feelings of being overwhelmed. I could not bear the thought of going back to that hospital. I called in, and asked them to ask the unit manager to call me when she comes in. I don't know what to do. I have to work because I'm the one with the insurance in the family. I feel such despair like I"m letting everyone, including myself down. I have always had a strong work ethic and have worked consistently all my life. Now I feel paralyzed like I'm in some traumatic stress disorder. I was supposed to go to my 2nd mental health appt Monday but they canceled due to some conflict with them and wanted to reschedule for Friday but I was suppose to work then so had it scheduled for next week. I am not getting any counseling at all, just meds and I feel like I need counseling of some sort to get me through this. I feel at the point of being in such mental pain and despair that I don't know what to do to get away from this pain. I feel hopeless and helpless.
Inthesouthrn, there are a lot of us here who've gone through similar things and who have felt the same way about working in acute care.
Believe me, there are other jobs in nursing besides working at the bedside, that are way less stressful.
Hang on, keep your appointment -- or maybe you can call and get it moved back up to today? -- and please know that you have others who are rooting for you and who have been where you are. But you are right about getting help for right now. :icon_hug:
I am sorry for what you are going through. Do you have a good support system. Do you have a nurse friend in whom you could confide and vent with.
Meanwhile try and identify what are your triggers for feelings of panic and anxiety in regards to work. Sometimes if a person is able to identify the trigger ( example: fear of making a mistake, fear of what happens if a patient codes) by looking at the fear you might be able to come up with a plan as to what you would do or how to handle it.
I would hope you would be able to see your couselor earlier, if not you can still look within yourself to narrow down what is the anxiety about. Is it work which is causing the anxiety versus leaving the house? The answers are locked away within yourself.
Me, I always feel anxious the first 1 1/2 hours of any shift. I do not verbalize this anxious, but am well aware it is how I feel. This is normal for me. I accept it is normal for me. I have learned it is my way of sorting/prioritizing the work load.
I wish you well and a satisfying career. I believe this too will pass for you. HUGS to get your over the hump meanwhile. You are are a strong person. You were strong enough to seek out help . Many will not.
When I was working at my first job, I got to the point that I cried on the way to work, on the way home, and sometimes in the bathroom there. I was on anti-depressants and frequently thought "If I didn't have a baby, I'd be seriously suicidal right now." I already had a history of depression, and issues with self-esteem, which I feel that my manager at the time preyed on. (Many of us at the time felt that she had borderline personality disorder; she thrived on the conflict that she caused.)
I eventually left and started working agency. I was recruited from the agency by a hospital system that I worked for consistently; they were going agency free and were looking for staff to fill up those holes we had been filling. You had to be recommended to corporate by multiple unit managers to be recruited; it was just the kind of validation that I needed after the abuse I had put up with at my first job.
I now work in a place that, although it is plagued by the difficulties we all face, is absolutely fantastic in terms of my coworkers. I actually enjoy going to work, and count several of my coworkers as very close friends. The way I figure it is that there are plenty of times when I'm awake at work more than I am at home; I will no longer tolerate working in an environment that takes such a toll on my psyche.
I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through what you are, but don't give up hope. You are so lucky to have what sounds like understanding management; too often the attitude is "If you can't handle it, we have umpteen new grads who would love your position". Focus on the positive, take a day at a time, and try to find more avenues of support. What kind of mental health coverage do you have? Have you contacted your employee assistance program to find out about support groups or similar programs? Have you spoken with other nurses around your area about other possible jobs/areas to work in? If you attend church, is there anyone you can talk to there?
Best of luck to you in making it through this difficult time. Hopefully you'll be in the same position as I am now soon, where you can look back and go "Holy cow, I didn't even know I had it in me to make it through that...I am strong, I can make it through almost anything knowing I have that behind me."
For the first few months after I left the hospital, I was unable to watch a certain tv sitcom that happened to be the one that I watched while I was getting ready for work. When it came on, it brought me right back to that place where I was before I quit the hospital. So I understand what you mean when you feel like you have a traumatic stress disorder. When I talked to my counselor about this, he said it sounded like PTSD. It is truly sad when things are so bad for us nurses that we are at risk for a syndrome like this from GOING to WORK. It really makes me mad. I understand what you are going through, and I am keeping you in my thoughts.
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Bugaloo
3 Articles; 168 Posts
Good luck with everything. I am currently on a 2 1/2 week hiatus from work myself (for the same reasons). Only one very close friend knows why I am out (besides my boss).
I am taking the time off to look at other options in nursing that are less stressful (yeah, right!)
But, go back, try to have a positive attitude and try not to let things get to you. We have all been there!!
{{Hugs}}