I've been and RN for 16 years. After graduation, I worked on a med/surg floor for 1 year then went into home health. That is where I stayed until 3 years ago when I went back into hospital nursing, med/surg. I did pretty well getting back into the swing of hospital nursing, however, I do find it very stressful and physically as well as mentally challenging. I have been handling it well for the most part however. I am in my late 40s.
However, the last several months, on those very stressful days, (you know what I'm talking about, when you have admissions, discharges, pt procedures, pt's going bad and being transferred, and those kinds of things happening all at once), I've noticed that the stress is almost unbearable. I feel like I am going to explode on the inside at times (I'm not talking about an outward outburst, I just feel a horrible turmoil on the inside). On the days so much is going on, I feel very inadequate as a nurse because I feel there is too much going on that I can't keep a handle on it. I am actually, a good nurse.
Our patient ratio ranges anywhere from 5 to 7, rarely 8 to one nurse. Our patients are such high acuity sometimes and we do have many unruly patients at times.
I have, at times, gone to our assistant unit manager telling her of my stress level being very high during the times it has been, and she has always been understanding telling me to take a break. However, the other day, I had a horrible stress filled day with SO much going on, I felt I may crumple up in a corner somewhere and start crying or screaming or something. I just felt so overwhelmed all day long. However, I always manage to take care of my pts, get everything done, and manage to leave somewhat on time. I still don't feel good about my days work. Anyway, I talked with my husband about it on this horrible day and I told him I don't think I can go on working like this that the stress level is so high I don't think I can bear it anymore. He was very understanding and said whatever I have to do, we will do.
The next day on the way to work, I felt as if my body and mind had been in some kind of war or something. I took report, but didn't feel right. I saw a couple of patients, until my manager came in and I told her how I felt. She told me that I needed to see a doctor, which I did. She took me out of work for a week, put me on an antidepressant, and made an appt for me to see a psychologist. I told my unit manager this and she was very understanding and I got the papers for a medical leave. My appt with the psych is in a few days.
Right now I feel better, but that is knowing that I don't have to go back to work for several days. The med has me feeling a little jittery and restless, but at least I don't have depressing thoughts. Now I'm here at home trying to figure out where I want to go from here. I don't know whether or not to try the hospital again after my rest, new meds, and appt to the psch, or try to find something else. Something else in this economy will be hard to find, and even so, I don't know where else I would want to work. I got really sick of home health care nursing....so I don't want to go back to that. MD offices are also horribly stressful I would think.
Our finances are good, we have most of our bills payed for, one child married, but one child in college which we have to pay 12 K a year for (she had a partial scholarship). If we really had to, we can afford for me to not work for awhile. But during that time, I would lose my experience, and you have to actually work as a nurse to keep your license up. So I am left pondering some deep questions. Can I really take this anymore? And if I can't, what now? I hate to lose what I have worked so hard for, but I want to live also and not have some mental breakdown, which is what came so very near to happening. I have not adequatley described the horrible way I have been feeling and my anxiety level. But suffice it to say, it was unbearable. I have thoughts of this world being horrible, nothing good in it and all kinds of things.
I can tell everyone I worked with is stressed too, so it's not just me, but I'm the only one that it has affected in this way
Words of wisdom from anyone? I'm kind of tender right now, so please be gentle. :)
I've been in this situation before where I was just so stressed out, burned out and didn't care if I got in my car and pulled out in front of a eighteen wheeler or not. The best thing for me was to switch jobs. I found a less stressful enviroment, some antidepressants and became myself again. I can't believe at times that I have been a nurse for 17 1/2 years. Never figured if I went back to school it would be for nursing but it was, and I have been an RN now for 2 years (was LPN before that). There still are times I would like to get out of nursing but I have to have a job. I now work in a nursery, it does get stressful at times but I work through it. Hope you get to feeling better.
Take care of yourself first! Try to go part time and look for another position. Don't let them think they can force you to stay because of the economy, just keep looking. I know things do open up, but you have to be ready to take on a new position and you have to be looking. Also, most facilities can understand if you are feeling a bit burn out, and some are willing to work with you by letting you go part time and/or changing to a different position within the facility.
Going part time is a great option. Does your husband have benefits? You need to take care of yourself first.
try taking care of your needs before you go back to work, i think it would benefit you greatly and get you back on the floor. :) when the going gets tough, you have to take a break.
Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.
FWIW, I went through something similar a few years ago when I got burned out on hospital work. I'd been spiraling downward into depression for some time, going through the hormonal stuff PLUS dealing with the sense that management wanted to get rid of me because I was older and beginning to have physical problems on the job. In fact, I spent six weeks out of that last year on earned-leave or FMLA due to one illness or another (I had the flu, then developed myocarditis that landed me IN the hospital for three days, then I got kidney stones that required surgery X 2, then my gallbladder went on the fritz and died, and THEN I got MRSA cellulitis).
So here I was, basically a train wreck, and I didn't even know how bad off I was until I came into work one morning in mid-December and was immediately called into the manager's office---again---for yet another infraction of some little-known rule. This was part of the harassment, along with always being assigned the hardest patients on the floor and being the first to be accused whenever a set of keys went missing or the count was off. I'd put up with this garbage for a year and a half, and until that morning I didn't know I'd reached critical mass.
Suddenly a quiet, but very sure voice inside my mind spoke up, and I knew beyond a doubt that I'd already worked my last shift at that hospital. I told my manager that I was done, right then and there---I would not clock in, nor would I work another shift.......not that day, not ever again. What I didn't say was that I knew I COULDN'T step out onto that floor again if my life depended on it; the mere thought of doing so made me break into a cold sweat and my heart to pound as if it were trying to escape from my chest.
In retrospect, I think I got out of things so easily because they wanted me gone and couldn't manufacture a reason to fire me; I wound up not only being credited with two weeks' notice and getting every bit of severance pay owed me, but I even got unemployment benefits despite having voluntarily quit. Besides, my manager wasn't completely blind, she knew I was on the edge of a nervous breakdown, and she even told me the hospital wouldn't fight it if I filed for unemployment.
So with at least a little money coming in, I had a chance to take some time off and decompress, then figure out what to do next. I took advantage of the Employee Assistance Program as well, seeing a therapist twice a week for the first three weeks, and this helped me gain some perspective as well as see that I wasn't necessarily being paranoid---even HE thought the hospital management had been out to get me!
The take-home lesson here is, you CAN survive burnout, but the first step is getting away from the situation that led to it in the first place. I've found that once you've experienced this phenomenon, it's almost impossible to recover from it if you're still working in the same toxic environment that contributed to it. Even changing shifts or departments usually isn't enough, unless you work in a hospital that's so huge that most of the staff doesn't even know one another.
I wish you luck, no matter what you decide. I know it's tough sledding, and I wish no one ever had to go through it.
You are not alone...I have had depression off and on for past few years (read my first thread about husband) and what has really helped me was seeing a LCSW. I just "graduated" from 2-3 times a week to once a week and have seen him the past 5 mths. Seeing him has made a big difference but I still have a long ways to go. Depression is a big black hole that you need help climbing out of. See if you can get in to see the psychologist sooner- TOMORROW if possible. Apply for FMLA tommorrow too, and if you have to work just work part time. Meanwhile, look for another job...take care of yourself too. A little exercise-go for a walk, eat balanced meals and don't feel guilty!
I'm sending you all my best wishes. Although I realize that it's not necessarily a solution to your problem, I find that physical exercise can be a really great way to help you get into a better mindframe when you feel depressed or overwhelmed and can help release endorphins, etc. to boost your mood. Moreover, I find that I'm often able to think through problems in a more constructive way during a workout than puttering around the house/laying in bed/whatever. Here's a neat little article about how physical activity plays into your mental well-being: http://mentalhealth.about.com/od/depression/a/howexercise.htm
All the best! You'll find the solution that is right for you and you'll pull through :heartbeat
I also think going part time can be helpful. Last year I became very depressed with work and was so miserable and hating my job. Since I've dropped my hours I've found that it's less stressful and I'm starting to enjoy what I do again.
Hoping and Wishing you are feeling better soon... Positive thinking and take things one step at a time. Maybe picking up a new hobby or joining a recreation group could help ya out.. Take Care! :) ::HUG::
My heart goes out to you!!!!!!!!!!! YOu have gotten a lot of caring replies and good advice... I am so sorry that you are going through this.... I pray that you feel like your self soon.... YOu sound a lot like me.... happy, positive, upbeat.... It will come back.... I promise.... YOu are who you are.... People tell me all of the time... YOU always smile... YOu are always happy... I don't really notice that much... because I'm just being me!!!!! Maybe light exercise, yoga??? It will all work out... Glad that you have a supportive hubby!!!!! Remember: Take care of YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (from Pretty Woman movie)
RhodyGirl, RN
823 Posts
I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. Hoping you get well soon.....take care.:heartbeat