I've been and RN for 16 years. After graduation, I worked on a med/surg floor for 1 year then went into home health. That is where I stayed until 3 years ago when I went back into hospital nursing, med/surg. I did pretty well getting back into the swing of hospital nursing, however, I do find it very stressful and physically as well as mentally challenging. I have been handling it well for the most part however. I am in my late 40s.
However, the last several months, on those very stressful days, (you know what I'm talking about, when you have admissions, discharges, pt procedures, pt's going bad and being transferred, and those kinds of things happening all at once), I've noticed that the stress is almost unbearable. I feel like I am going to explode on the inside at times (I'm not talking about an outward outburst, I just feel a horrible turmoil on the inside). On the days so much is going on, I feel very inadequate as a nurse because I feel there is too much going on that I can't keep a handle on it. I am actually, a good nurse.
Our patient ratio ranges anywhere from 5 to 7, rarely 8 to one nurse. Our patients are such high acuity sometimes and we do have many unruly patients at times.
I have, at times, gone to our assistant unit manager telling her of my stress level being very high during the times it has been, and she has always been understanding telling me to take a break. However, the other day, I had a horrible stress filled day with SO much going on, I felt I may crumple up in a corner somewhere and start crying or screaming or something. I just felt so overwhelmed all day long. However, I always manage to take care of my pts, get everything done, and manage to leave somewhat on time. I still don't feel good about my days work. Anyway, I talked with my husband about it on this horrible day and I told him I don't think I can go on working like this that the stress level is so high I don't think I can bear it anymore. He was very understanding and said whatever I have to do, we will do.
The next day on the way to work, I felt as if my body and mind had been in some kind of war or something. I took report, but didn't feel right. I saw a couple of patients, until my manager came in and I told her how I felt. She told me that I needed to see a doctor, which I did. She took me out of work for a week, put me on an antidepressant, and made an appt for me to see a psychologist. I told my unit manager this and she was very understanding and I got the papers for a medical leave. My appt with the psych is in a few days.
Right now I feel better, but that is knowing that I don't have to go back to work for several days. The med has me feeling a little jittery and restless, but at least I don't have depressing thoughts. Now I'm here at home trying to figure out where I want to go from here. I don't know whether or not to try the hospital again after my rest, new meds, and appt to the psch, or try to find something else. Something else in this economy will be hard to find, and even so, I don't know where else I would want to work. I got really sick of home health care nursing....so I don't want to go back to that. MD offices are also horribly stressful I would think.
Our finances are good, we have most of our bills payed for, one child married, but one child in college which we have to pay 12 K a year for (she had a partial scholarship). If we really had to, we can afford for me to not work for awhile. But during that time, I would lose my experience, and you have to actually work as a nurse to keep your license up. So I am left pondering some deep questions. Can I really take this anymore? And if I can't, what now? I hate to lose what I have worked so hard for, but I want to live also and not have some mental breakdown, which is what came so very near to happening. I have not adequatley described the horrible way I have been feeling and my anxiety level. But suffice it to say, it was unbearable. I have thoughts of this world being horrible, nothing good in it and all kinds of things.
I can tell everyone I worked with is stressed too, so it's not just me, but I'm the only one that it has affected in this way
Words of wisdom from anyone? I'm kind of tender right now, so please be gentle. :)
I am so glad you are taking some time off to care for yourself. Just like the flight attendants tell us - put the O2 mask on yourself first, or you won't be of any use to help anyone else . This isn't a 'mess' - its a golden opportunity to re-evaluate where you really want to go, and decide the best way to get there.
First things first -- try to stop 'awfulizing' about what a failure you are. You didn't fail, you were defeated - there is a big difference in these 2 situations. Failure means not trying. Defeat means you tried your best and still couldn't overcome the obstacles. You aren't a BAD nurse - a bad nurse just doesn't care and it is obvious that you still care a great deal and still treasure the ideals that brought you into Nursing in the first place. The only sane response to a defeat is just to re-group and re-evaluate the original goal. If your goal is to deliver nursing care, then you will have to approach it from a different angle; one that minimizes the barriers you couldn't overcome. There are many different practice settings for you to explore. I am sure that one of them will be perfect for you.
I don't know what state you are in, but in Texas, we don't have a 'practice' component for relicensure. So we can keep our licenses active even if we never work in a clinical setting again.... of course any future employment would probably require refreshers or other 're-entry' activities to get back up to speed.
As for awkward job interviews, I would suggest you simply state that "it was not a good fit" when asked about why you left the 'crazy' job. This is entirely acceptable. If they want to delve into it, you can just say that the environment was incompatible with your own deep-seated commitment to deliver quality patient care.
Have a wonderful break. Stay in touch with us and let us know how it's going. We're here for you!
I have been off for two years and I probably could go back if I wanted to but I don't want to. Like you I started out just taking sometime off and in my case it turned into a retirement. As for the license you will have to check out the rules of your state. In my state we have to do CEUs but we are not required to be employed to keep our license. PS Are there really people out there who would hold having a nervous breakdown against a bedside nurse? If there are it is only people who have not tried working at the bedside in the last 5 years.
Contact your state Board to find out if you have a practice requirement or if you can keep your license active just by paying the renewal and doing your CEUs. Take the time off that you need and don't worry about what to tell potential employers when you come back. You might consider home health, shift work, for a decreased stressful environment when you come back. One can't get much easier than only one patient to care for at at time. Relax, get healthy, and enjoy your time off. Do nothing unless it is for you or your family. Come back refreshed and good luck.
I doubt I would ever go back into a hospital setting, but when I do apply for a job, what the heck am I suppose to tell a potential employer? And for that matter, what about your nursing license, don't you have to actually work a certain amount of hours to keep it up, and would I have to take a refresher to get back in.?
When you are ready to come back, there will be plenty of jobs for you to take. Other than maintaining CEU's, and renewing your license on time, i would think you can take a year off no problem.
As far as what to tell your next employer about the year off....tell them you wanted to travel, or take a class and tell them you were in school, or tell them you left for family reasons.
There is really nothing to worry about regarding taking a big, giant vacation, other than "how can i go back to that mess, after all this beautiful stress-free time?"
Hopefully, one day the nurse to pt ratios they have in California can spread to the rest of this country, and we can all be happy to go back to work.
Thank you for the replies everyone, they were all very helpful. I still have not the slightest clue however, what I am going to do. It's something only I can decide I know. It's just really hard.
A few days ago, I made a post about a near mental breakdown I had at work due to the tremendous stress I have been feeling at work. To remind some of you, or to you who did not read it, I've been at this hospital for almost 3 years, before this I worked in home health about 13 years. There had been days I was stressed out, but I would always over it and go on. But lately, the bad stress days have increased and the other day it got so unbearable I went to my unit manager, she sent me to the doctor who put me on an antidepressant, then took me out of work for a week and made me an appt to see a psychologist. I see them next week.
At first I felt better staying at home, but now the day I go back to work is looming near and I swear it puts me in a cold sweat. I'm getting depressed, I don't feel like doing anything, things I once took pleasure in no longer give me pleasure, the world looks gray and I feel hopeless and helpless. I feel trapped because I have to work. My husband and I sat down and went over our finances, and we would do fine without me working right now, but he works industrial construction and always has the chance of being laid off, then we would be in a mess. As you know there are no jobs out there with this economy. I do feel so very fortunate to have a good paying job when so many are out there with nothing, but I just can't tell my insides that. I can't tell my mind and body not to go into a cold sweat every time I even think about going back to the floor.
I know none of you can tell me what to do. But I feel I must vent. I am usually a very upbeat, positive, happy person, but this thing has kicked by butt.
Oh another thing, I'm in my late 40s, children are gone and grown (one in college) I'm menopausal and battling trying to get the right replacement hormone therapy for me. I feel horrid, like I'm spiraling down some dark deep hole. I don't know what to do.
I am so sorry you have to go through this, I kind of feel the same way and I know a lot of people that feel like this right now. I try to tell myself when I don't feel like doing anything that all I need to do is put one foot in front of the other. One thing that really makes me feel better is spending time by myself doing something fun and creative. I write music or just write my thoughts down. If nothing else when you come out of it you can look back and remind yourself that everything passes eventually. Good luck I know it's tough, you have a lot of emotional stuff happening, empty nest and of course the menopause is a biggie. Just remember, it doesn't last forever.
Specializes in psych, addictions, hospice, education.
I'm not sure it's all related to work, although that's surely a biggie. It will take awhile before the antidepression medication kicks in, and I'm glad you're going to see a psychologist. Both of these things might help you.
hi, I hope u feel better soon. Have u thought about working part time? I know the hospital work can make anyone feel depressed (except for those super nurses) Give yourself a break. take some time to reconnect with yourself. take care of yourself.
Take care of yourself first! Try to go part time and look for another position. Don't let them think they can force you to stay because of the economy, just keep looking. I know things do open up, but you have to be ready to take on a new position and you have to be looking. Also, most facilities can understand if you are feeling a bit burn out, and some are willing to work with you by letting you go part time and/or changing to a different position within the facility.
HouTx, BSN, MSN, EdD
9,051 Posts
Inthesouthrn,
I am so glad you are taking some time off to care for yourself. Just like the flight attendants tell us - put the O2 mask on yourself first, or you won't be of any use to help anyone else
. This isn't a 'mess' - its a golden opportunity to re-evaluate where you really want to go, and decide the best way to get there.
First things first -- try to stop 'awfulizing' about what a failure you are. You didn't fail, you were defeated - there is a big difference in these 2 situations. Failure means not trying. Defeat means you tried your best and still couldn't overcome the obstacles. You aren't a BAD nurse - a bad nurse just doesn't care and it is obvious that you still care a great deal and still treasure the ideals that brought you into Nursing in the first place. The only sane response to a defeat is just to re-group and re-evaluate the original goal. If your goal is to deliver nursing care, then you will have to approach it from a different angle; one that minimizes the barriers you couldn't overcome. There are many different practice settings for you to explore. I am sure that one of them will be perfect for you.
I don't know what state you are in, but in Texas, we don't have a 'practice' component for relicensure. So we can keep our licenses active even if we never work in a clinical setting again.... of course any future employment would probably require refreshers or other 're-entry' activities to get back up to speed.
As for awkward job interviews, I would suggest you simply state that "it was not a good fit" when asked about why you left the 'crazy' job. This is entirely acceptable. If they want to delve into it, you can just say that the environment was incompatible with your own deep-seated commitment to deliver quality patient care.
Have a wonderful break. Stay in touch with us and let us know how it's going. We're here for you!