I've been and RN for 16 years. After graduation, I worked on a med/surg floor for 1 year then went into home health. That is where I stayed until 3 years ago when I went back into hospital nursing, med/surg. I did pretty well getting back into the swing of hospital nursing, however, I do find it very stressful and physically as well as mentally challenging. I have been handling it well for the most part however. I am in my late 40s.
However, the last several months, on those very stressful days, (you know what I'm talking about, when you have admissions, discharges, pt procedures, pt's going bad and being transferred, and those kinds of things happening all at once), I've noticed that the stress is almost unbearable. I feel like I am going to explode on the inside at times (I'm not talking about an outward outburst, I just feel a horrible turmoil on the inside). On the days so much is going on, I feel very inadequate as a nurse because I feel there is too much going on that I can't keep a handle on it. I am actually, a good nurse.
Our patient ratio ranges anywhere from 5 to 7, rarely 8 to one nurse. Our patients are such high acuity sometimes and we do have many unruly patients at times.
I have, at times, gone to our assistant unit manager telling her of my stress level being very high during the times it has been, and she has always been understanding telling me to take a break. However, the other day, I had a horrible stress filled day with SO much going on, I felt I may crumple up in a corner somewhere and start crying or screaming or something. I just felt so overwhelmed all day long. However, I always manage to take care of my pts, get everything done, and manage to leave somewhat on time. I still don't feel good about my days work. Anyway, I talked with my husband about it on this horrible day and I told him I don't think I can go on working like this that the stress level is so high I don't think I can bear it anymore. He was very understanding and said whatever I have to do, we will do.
The next day on the way to work, I felt as if my body and mind had been in some kind of war or something. I took report, but didn't feel right. I saw a couple of patients, until my manager came in and I told her how I felt. She told me that I needed to see a doctor, which I did. She took me out of work for a week, put me on an antidepressant, and made an appt for me to see a psychologist. I told my unit manager this and she was very understanding and I got the papers for a medical leave. My appt with the psych is in a few days.
Right now I feel better, but that is knowing that I don't have to go back to work for several days. The med has me feeling a little jittery and restless, but at least I don't have depressing thoughts. Now I'm here at home trying to figure out where I want to go from here. I don't know whether or not to try the hospital again after my rest, new meds, and appt to the psch, or try to find something else. Something else in this economy will be hard to find, and even so, I don't know where else I would want to work. I got really sick of home health care nursing....so I don't want to go back to that. MD offices are also horribly stressful I would think.
Our finances are good, we have most of our bills payed for, one child married, but one child in college which we have to pay 12 K a year for (she had a partial scholarship). If we really had to, we can afford for me to not work for awhile. But during that time, I would lose my experience, and you have to actually work as a nurse to keep your license up. So I am left pondering some deep questions. Can I really take this anymore? And if I can't, what now? I hate to lose what I have worked so hard for, but I want to live also and not have some mental breakdown, which is what came so very near to happening. I have not adequatley described the horrible way I have been feeling and my anxiety level. But suffice it to say, it was unbearable. I have thoughts of this world being horrible, nothing good in it and all kinds of things.
I can tell everyone I worked with is stressed too, so it's not just me, but I'm the only one that it has affected in this way
Words of wisdom from anyone? I'm kind of tender right now, so please be gentle. :)
:icon_hug:i worked labor pool for many years as long as you don't need the benefits. that way you can choose how many days together you want to work. that way you can have more control of your life, and remember it takes 3 wks. before your med is going to kick in. good luck and sending hugs your way.
I can remember feeling very anxious about going to work. My stomach would be in knots and I would dread for days going in (I worked weekends at the time). I have been out of work for 2 yrs now and I am considering going back. Let me tell you, I am getting the same feelings back again. For me it wasn't the atmosphere as much as my own feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem. Its odd though b/c in other areas of my life I am a very confident, happy, upbeat person but I really feel terrible when it comes to my profession. I am trying to be proactive and seek out some cont-ed courses to make myself feel better about my skills and such, and hopefully some more confidence comes along with that. Not sure if this is part of your problem or not, but just thought I would share. Hope things get better for you!
I posted here about 3 weeks ago about having severe stress at work and going through some sort of breakdown, and then going into a depression, going to the doctor and ultimately having 3 weeks on medical leave from work. The Lexapro I took at first did not work very well. I went to mental health and they changed my meds to Effexor XR and Klonopin. I feel SO much better with these meds.
After this all happened to me, I couldn't even bear the thought of going back to work, I didn't want to do anything or see anyone and the whole world was bad and gray. Now I feel so much better. But I guess 3 weeks not working, taking meds and resting can do wonders anyway.
I go back to work for the first time tomorrow. My superiors say they will do anything they can to help me, change my shifts, change to a less stressful floor (I don't think anywhere there is really less stressful) or whatever. But I still don't know what to do yet, other than go back where I came from and see how that goes.
Please wish me luck. I'm feeling better but can't help but be apprehensive now that I'm down to the final countdown of going back to work.
I would refrain from talking about your reasons for being out, don't give specifics. The only persons you should discuss this with are the supervisors and only if they bring it up. If they have suggested a less stressful position perhaps you should take them up on their thoughtful offer. Sounds like they are willing to work with you on this. Not all are like this, so you are lucky in that respect. Just think of yourself as if you are returning after a long business trip and go back into the swing of things. Stay away from nonproductive thought patterns. You can do this, now that you have received help for the underlying problem. Go in there with a smile on your face and a positive attitude. Good luck.
Just hold your head up high and be the best nurse you can be... and don't sweat the small stuff.. :) You will do fine.. Good luck :) Let us know how you are doing.
I am definitely routing for you!! I am in the same position. I had a breakdown in October and lost my first nursing job. I am just now going back after 5 months of therapy!! Now, I have anxiety about going back knowing everything that happened. I have PTSD. Just know you are not alone and by taking time to deal with your issues you will go back and do a great job! The best gift we get in life is to learn and to grow. God bless
I want to commend your insight and judgement into your own mental health and getting the assistance you needed to get well. I wish you the best of luck on your return from work, and continued health and success.
That said, a few pointers for your return to work:
-keep the reasons for your absence vague. Even with buddies, I would not offer up details or specifics regarding what happened.
-keep taking care of yourself physically and mentally. Monitor how you feel on your meds. watch the klonopin especially as this can cause drowziness and other effects. it is also habit forming, so just be careful.
moseshopper
54 Posts
:icon_hug:i worked labor pool for many years as long as you don't need the benefits. that way you can choose how many days together you want to work. that way you can have more control of your life, and remember it takes 3 wks. before your med is going to kick in. good luck and sending hugs your way.