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Spouse of nurse

Nurses   (10,571 Views | 117 Replies)

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Dollars to donuts there are a few posters here who would have NO problem if the husband made 5 times more than the wife (and would just consider her lucky rather than lazy), but don't have respect for a man who doesn't at least match the wife's salary.

Huh?? 1950 called and wants its weirdness back.

No kidding!

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1,875 Posts; 21,727 Profile Views

7 hours ago, GrumpyRN said:

His end of the bills??? Is that how you see marriage? Marriage is (or should be) about sharing. HE does not have bills, SHE does not have bills. THEY have bills. It's supposed to be a partnership.

 

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5 hours ago, Elaine M said:

F

How dare you...I mean...I completely agree..or maybe I don’t...or I was just thinking the same thing...

😝

Never mind...

 

 

 

 

Edited by Horseshoe

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traumaRUs has 27 years experience as a MSN, APRN, CNS and specializes in Nephrology, Cardiology, ER, ICU.

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STAFF NOTE - please adhere to the terms of service: debate the topic, not the poster. Thanks. 

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Hoosier_RN has 20 years experience as a MSN and specializes in LTC, home health, hospice, ICU, ER, dialysis.

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I make double what my hubby makes which in and of itself isn't an issue. What is, is the fact that since we married 7 years ago, he calls in often and when asked if he'd like to work another day to make it up, he says no, his wife makes enough so he doesn't have to. He blows through money like it grows on trees then suggests that if I picked up extra hours-I work salaried as a manager--it's not gonna increase my pay! he tells me to get a prn job like I used to have--money wouldn't be an issue. I know quite a few other nurses living the same story. Any of us would dare someone to tell us we're wrong for feeling somewhat resentful

 

Edited by Hoosier_RN

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It'sYaGirlK has 1 years experience as a CNA, LPN.

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22 hours ago, GrumpyRN said:

His end of the bills??? Is that how you see marriage? Marriage is (or should be) about sharing. HE does not have bills, SHE does not have bills. THEY have bills. It's supposed to be a partnership.

I feel like we’re saying the same thing just differently.. How can *WE* have bills if I’m the only one paying them? I totally actually agree to everyone who quoted me.. only thing I’m saying is as a woman I don’t care if I make more than my spouse as long as everything still equal.. I do not care to work myself into the ground to hustle and bustle to provide security for the family alone.. it needs to be an equal thing regardless of who makes more.. so that way if one were to get sick or fall on a hardship money will be saved to foot the bills and secure us without any resentment... 

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GrumpyRN has 38 years experience as a NP and specializes in Emergency Department.

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12 hours ago, Hoosier_RN said:

...What is, is the fact that since we married 7 years ago, he calls in often and when asked if he'd like to work another day to make it up, he says no, his wife makes enough so he doesn't have to. He blows through money like it grows on trees then suggests that if I picked up extra hours-I work salaried as a manager--it's not gonna increase my pay! he tells me to get a prn job like I used to have--money wouldn't be an issue. 

You have turned into a mother rather than a wife. You will be giving him pocket money (allowance) next. 😉

 

3 hours ago, It'sYaGirlK said:

How can *WE* have bills if I’m the only one paying them? I totally actually agree to everyone who quoted me.. only thing I’m saying is as a woman I don’t care if I make more than my spouse as long as everything still equal.. I do not care to work myself into the ground to hustle and bustle to provide security for the family alone.. it needs to be an equal thing regardless of who makes more.. so that way if one were to get sick or fall on a hardship money will be saved to foot the bills and secure us without any resentment... 

So it would be OK for a man to work himself to death to keep his wife while she stayed at home looking after the home?

https://www.littlethings.com/1950s-good-housewife-guide/1

 

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1,875 Posts; 21,727 Profile Views

Well,since we're still talking about it then,the concensus seems to be it should be a partnership,not a husband provider.I wasn't actually asking for that at all,I liked being able to have my own money to spend ( back when that was a possibility)But let's look at this if it was a business partnership.50percent of the bills ,but enjoy 100 percent of the outcome.no one is asking that said spouse should contribute more than 50percent of the bills,or be the main provider.The benefit/outcomes are house,food,cars,fuel,and utilities . unfortunately that also includes maintenance and repairs.

So given all those things,shouldn't 50percnt be contributed ?

My point was that he doesn't even make the 50 percent .I wasn't asking for him to be a millionaire.just pay your part.kinda hard to do when you work a loser job that wasn't supposed to be a permanent job.

Ack.all upset again.oh well.

Edited by martymoose

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.I wasn't actually asking for that at all,I liked being able to have my own money to spend ( back when that was a possibility)But let's look at this if it was a business partnership.50percent of the bills ,but enjoy 100 percent of the outcome.no one is asking that said spouse should contribute more than 50percent of the bills,or be the main provider.The benefit/outcomes are house,food,cars,fuel,and utilities . unfortunately that also includes maintenance and repairs.

So given all those things,shouldn't 50percnt be contributed ?

Due to the disparity between my husband's salary and mine, I could never contribute 50% of our bills. Should he resent me for that? Travel without me, since only he could afford to pay for our vacations? Banish me to the smallest room in our  house since that's all my salary could cover? Not send our kids to their private schools and colleges because I couldn't afford half the tuition?

No, he doesn't have that attitude. He also understands that a salary is not the determining factor of whether or not a particular career is worthy. He respects what I do and understands that he just got lucky to fall in love with a career that pays very well if you're good at it. It's not a "better" career just because  it's lucrative. He's not the better partner because he shoulders the majority of the bills.

And neither are you, unless your husband is lazy and doesn't work full time to contribute to the household or doesn't add value to the partnership in other ways.

 

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1,875 Posts; 21,727 Profile Views

HorseshoeBsnRn, you are blessed then, in that you don’t have to worry about footing any of the bills.That your spouse can pay for private schools and you not having to worry that the propane bill won’t be paid and you won’t have any heat(for example) My son had to go to crappy public schools ,but luckily got his work ethic from me,and is working his tailbone off and paying his own way to the community college.

i guess I am droning in about the disparity because not being able to pay the bills anymore is making me sick.

Oh and about fairness; I am expected to do all the house chores ,because otherwise they don’t get done period.He (spouse)has no qualms of leaving dirty dishes stacked up for a week or more.

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Quote

Oh and about fairness; I am expected to do all the house chores ,because otherwise they don’t get done period.He (spouse)has no qualms of leaving dirty dishes stacked up for a week or more.

That's a separate issue from his salary. If you are both working full time, you should both contribute to the running of the household. If one person is putting in more hours than the other, the one working less should shoulder more of the responsibilities and chores.

And yes, I know I am very very lucky. Not just because I married a poor guy who turned his burning ambition and strong work ethic into a very successful business, but because he is a very kind, generous, and loving guy.

It sounds like you and your husband could really benefit from some counseling. He needs to hear from an objective person that he's not pulling his weight around the house, and if not working full time, then professionally as well. Hearing all that from you probably just sounds like nagging.

Edited by Horseshoe

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