Someone Please talk to ME....I am Brokenhearted

[SmilingBluEyes]

A tough, difficult weekend in OB for me.....we had a 23-week lady (hx infertility x6 years) come in with "just a few cramps and pink tinged mucus" for evaluation. She was smiling, and very very upbeat. Not for long.....u OB nurses can guess what happens next.......

Upshot, telescoping membranes, 3cm cervix, perfect fetal strip, however..... put into trendelenburg, indocin, magnesium, you-name-it to TRY and save the pregnancy, but of course, it failed. Water broke after 6 hours of all this stuff and naturally the poor family begged us to "do everything"......what could we do? 23 weeks is just too soon..........they then revised their wishes to "comfort measures"....which was done.

The baby was born mid-day, initial apgar, 5 and then died. HOW SAD.....It brought back all my sadness of all my losses (4 in 2 years recently). I did ok with them, I really was strong, but spent the weekend in tears once my shifts were over.........still so emotionally overwrought and tired.....and just plain ragged. Just needed to vent. Nothing anyone could do for that family and nothing anyone can do for me either. I guess my miscarriages/losses are still bothering me a great deal. More than I want to admit even to myself. When will I just get on with it????? :angryfire

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever feel whole again. Sometimes I wonder what I am doing in OB. It's such a "happy" place to work.....til crap like this happens to good people...oh and this is the 3rd 23/24 week loss in 2 weeks. This sucks.

Thank you for listening. I am getting all worked up again ugh. :uhoh21:

[Energizer Bunny]

((((((((Deb)))))))) I have had a miscarriage in the past and know how difficult they are. you are a super, compassionate, wonderful woman to be working that floor and overcoming all your adversities! The family was lucky to have you there!!!! Keep your chin up!

[imenid37]

Deb, I feel so bad for you and your pt. Hang in there. I really don't know when you'll feel better. You have a lot to give, just don't forget to save something for yourself. I KNOW that lady and her family will always hold you in a special place in their heart for the compassion you showed them. Do you have an RTS program? Maybe this is something you can consider for YOU. It is so hard to hold all those broken dreams in and sometimes when it's rough, only another parent who's been there can relate to you as a mom, (not a nurse) and give you a little comfort and strength. You are in my prayers and I do sincerely wish you all of the best.

[VivaLasViejas, ASN, RN]

((((((((Deb)))))))))

I am so sorry. My thoughts and prayers will be with you.

[rollingstone]

God Bless you.

[lynn27]

I am so sorry...I wish I could find the right words to help you feel better. ((((hugs))))

[nekhismom]

(((HUGS)))) Very sorry that you had such a rough time lately. Sending thoughts and prayers your way for a happier tomorrow.

[scrubs70]

Hugssssssssss and God Bless You.

[Spidey's mom, ADN, BSN, RN]

Deb - I'm sorry. It is very painful. We had a similar situation a couple of days ago.

Don't leave L & D though . . compassionate nurses are needed there.

steph

[dawngloves, BSN, RN]

Deb, I can understand how hard that must be for you.And yeah, it's very hard to have to be the nurse in that situation and you just want to scream and cry. If you were your patient, what would you say? You need to take care of yourself now, and that's OK. You're allowed. Feel better sweetie.

[gwenith, BSN, RN]

Deb - been there felt like that. I find it difficult because I cannot have kids at all to look after midwifery patients. I had one the other night - third child severe PET and what does her diet consist of....... I won't eat vegetables or fruit I don't like them. The ONLY vegetable she will eat - potato but only as chips.

((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))) hon - hang in there - this too will pass.

[LilgirlRN, ADN, RN]

I work in the ED, not L&D. I've had 20 weekers come in and have miscarriages. It's always hard for me because as a mom I have such empathy for these families. I miscarried at 9 weeks once, cannot imagine going to 23 weeks and then losing a baby. It's hard times like these that make me question my decision to become a nurse. I do know that sometime later, the patient and her family will remember how they were comforted by my care. It sounds like you are a wonderful nurse. We too get wrapped up in the emotional aspect of this situation. You could hardly be a normal person if you weren't experiencing a great sense of loss not only for your patient but for yourself as well. I always think that there was something that I could have done differently, something that I should have realized to prevent the demise of a patient. In truth, I do not have that kind of power. If your number is up, even if it's up before you are born, then I cannot save you, all the money in the world, the most wonderful doctors can do nothing. Please don't second guess yourself at all, know that this baby, no matter how badly wanted was not meant for this world. Be kind to yourself, take some time just for you. I'll be thinking of you, Wendy

[jkaee]

Deb....thinking of you. A miscarrige at any time is difficult, esp when a baby is wanted as much as you wanted your little one. What a strong, kind and compassionate woman you must be to be able to go into work every day and give your all to these women that are suffering with a pregnancy loss, and push aside your own feelings of grief and hurt to help them deal with theirs.

As nurses we tend to think of ourselves last, and keep on giving even when we need to be the ones taking....please take care of yourself, even if just for a day, an hour, 15 minutes. Maybe a mental health day is in order.

I have no words to make all the pain go away.....I have been there myself, and know how you feel. Take comfort in your family and friends, and know that you are thought about often.

Jennifer