I find it humorous and but also depressing that I have to put in extra energy in order to be excepted by my peers in nursing school. I find it unbelievable how all the white students find it easy to fit into a group without having to put in any energy at all. I tried to be open and fun and outgoing when nursing school started. I find that when i did try to fit in, I saw smirks and was short handed with conversation from those I tried to fit in with. This is affecting my studies and my focus in school and I find i am depressed by this. I don't really have a group to fit in with and its pretty lonely but now I am starting not to care. But unfortunately during the two clinical days right now we are working in groups and teams. I hate I have to push my way into a group only to receive an unwelcome feeling from the ones in the class.
Help me understand how some people sit down and almost immediately have someone to work with and don't have to really say anything but i sit down and no one sits by me or offers to introduce themselves. It is me that has to be the dog and beg to fit in.
I hate nursing school right now because of my environment and i really want to be a nurse but why is this killing my drive and compassion for the field. Am I not an ideal figure fit for nursing. I am the only black male with one other black female who gets a long with few other white students, so I know it is not racism completely, but I find it frustrating and disheartening. Why am I or why do I feel singled out in this fashion. If I were white, I feel i wouldn't even be in this situation but I love being black and i love that i am one of the few black males in nursing school because i stand out. But maybe this is the reason I am being treated this way because maybe some feel I don't belong or automatically feel I am ignorant and stupid and not worth talking to or getting along with. I am struggling in school but that doesn't make me stupid as everyone is ignorant and doesn't know anything in first semester of nursing. Which is the whole purpose of this journey is to learn and aspire to become an experienced nurse. Someone help me rationalize this matter. I am eager for a diagnosis.
I live in a very rural part of the state and there is still quite a bit of ignorance and racism in my area about different races/cultures. If most of these people would drive 45min-1hr out of town they would be able to interact more but the are scared to!
Most people are scared(for whatever reason) of races/cultures that they have not been directly exposed of. I myself tend to be curious instead so it's not much of a problem for me.
They may also be put off that you are a male. People tend to get a little embarrassed and nervous when they know that they are going to have to eventually discuss the reproductive system with the opposite sex in the room. Not very mature I know but it happens.
I think that if you give them time and be open and friendly, but not overly so, they will open up to you. Keep your head up because in the end you are doing this for yourself and not your fellow students.
Hay don't give up on your dream. If people are single u out, that mean u should work even harder for your dream. I'm not a nursing student yet, but I been were you are now. If u focus on that, that mean u r given them what they want and that is to make u fell like u don't deserve that degree. Fight for what yours. Good Luck!!!!
During my first quarter at my current school, I was taking a A&P class people were asking about study groups. People were getting together, when I asked about the study group I was told 1st that "we are sure you don't want to drive this far to study," me;" Oh, I dont mind." 2nd: "well we are trying to keep the group to a minimum." OKKKK. I do believe that it was my race.. that was 3 years ago....current day, I am the only one that is completing my degree on time. Some dropped out of school totally...btw....who did they come to for help when they ran into trouble..me. I have walked into a class and been the only black in the class, I have gotton stares. People will think that you got into the program because you are black...not because you have a higher GPA then they do. I got into my program with a 3.98 most others 3.4 if that. I get scholarships
because of my grades not my race but for some that is amazing. You have to
think I can do this inspite of...inspite of no one wanting to be in your group. Inspite of the instructor that doesn't think men can be nurses. INSPITE OF!!!KEEP GOING! I keep going because in 32days I will be done and they are
atleast 9 months behind me. You will, I believe, will find the close knit group that you will belong to. My group there are maybe 6 close friends/classmates, although I am friends with most others. Just remember INSPITE OF you will make it!
Are you the only male in your class? I would wager that your tough time fitting in probably has a lot more to do with being male (especially if you are the only one) rather than being black.
Sometimes when you're different on the outside it takes a bit of extra effort to make friends and show people that you are "okay" to let into their circle. I'm white but an ethnicity where I was the only one at my school, and I was not Christian like the majority of students were. What was helpful was that I extended myself to help others, like organizing study groups with food, giving people rides, and just try to be helpful to everyone in general.
These things give people the chance to get to know you and see past what's on the outside, hopefully overcoming any prejudices they may have had. Good luck!
Help me understand how some people sit down and almost immediately have someone to work with and don't have to really say anything but i sit down and no one sits by me or offers to introduce themselves. It is me that has to be the dog and beg to fit in.
I've always wondered about this myself. The first day I attended nursing school everyone had already formed cliques and were talking and laughing, I was sitting in the back of the room alone and perplexed. Where did they meet? How did they get to be such good friends so soon? What was wrong with me that I didn't fit in? I'm not a minority (except for being over 40) so I could only assume it was because I'm walking around with a big sign on my forehead that everyone else can see that says "I am a loser, don't pay any attention to me."
At any rate, half way through school all the cliques had broken up and new ones had formed, and a lot of people had pulled back and realized they were better off on their own. I had kind of skated along the surface being casual acquaintances with people, and realized that in the real world, I would never have been friends with most of them anyway.
In clinicals you do end up being thrust into a group dynamic and eventually find a way to be friendly but not invested and I think in the end that was fine with me. I run into my classmates every now and then but other than the occasional update I'm not really interested in their lives, I've made meaningful friendships out in the world that occupy most of my time and energy. I wouldn't put too much energy into worrying about it.
Maybe evaluate how your perceptions of how you EXPECT people to treat/think about you could cause you to give off an impression that keeps people at a distance?
I haven't been completely in your shoes, but I understand some of what you are feeling I think. I am a white woman, so I am in the majority in my program. The only thing that would physically set me apart from my cohort would be my age (27, though I look young and usually pass for anywhere from 19-23, so still not a biggie) and my hair color (natural blaaaazing copper red). But I felt a lot of what you have described when I started my program. I ended up realizing that due to my own personal reasons, I was expecting to be ill-recepted- and so I was. And it wasn't even so much that I was actually being rebuffed by my peers. I ended up realizing that I was overblowing small details in my attempts to make friends, and misinterpreting other's actions. When I overheard people snickering, I automatically thought it had to be me the were laughing at. I would hear snippets of conversation and thought they would have to be talking about me. Really it just boiled down to plain ol' social paranoia paired with insecurity. So I worked hard at being more objective, and realized I was being silly. I stopped trying too hard, relaxed, and worked towards more positive ways of being sociable and helpful. It's had good results, and I have made a few friends and have been enjoying my education a lot more!
I'm not sure if this truly applies to you or not, only you can evaluate and decide that. It could also just plain out be that you unfortunately live in an area where people are socially sheltered and/or ignorant and racism may be more prevalent. If so, that's a crying shame and I wish you the best in overcoming to make friends. Try not to let any ****** attitudes get you down; while you can't control how other people treat you, you have complete control over how you react to it. Work your hardest and show them up! My life motto: Succeed despite all odds!
Even if an attitude is prevalent, there will usually be good people who don't fit that mold. Try talking to some of the other loners in your class. They might be by themselves because they don't agree with the majority!
Personally I find it ridiculous that you think the other students don't find it hard to fit in because they are white. When you throw in generalized blanket statements like "all the white students" and that you wouldn't have hard time if you were white, your racism shows. I'm sure many other students regardless if they are white or black or periwinkle suffer from social shyness, and want to be accepted by their peers. You can't assume you know what other students experience. I'll be blunt - in 2011 a black male student does not "stand out". I wouldn't see a black guy in one of my classes and think "wow that is different. That man is black." Unless you live in some behind the times town in the deep south I doubt that you aren't making friends because you're black. Sounds like your attitude is what the problem is. YOU have created a racial divide and it is preventing you from connecting with your peers.
Specializes in Post Acute, Home, Inpatient, Hospice/Pall Care.
I am sorry that you feel that way
We had only 2 males in our program and one was black and we was AWESOME to work with. The ONLY one willing to help me with a bed ridden 2 person bed bath, the only one who offered to help with the more daunting tasks. He was a CNA so had some hands on and patient skills. Unfortunately he didn't put effort into studying for tests (by his own admission) and is now gone. I miss him so much! I am a white female but don't fit in with my class, they are a bit cliquey and as an older student I have not time or desire for that. No one seeks me out to partner with except the one friend in my class. Sometimes it just sucks.
Specializes in Post Acute, Home, Inpatient, Hospice/Pall Care.
Personally I find it ridiculous that you think the other students don't find it hard to fit in because they are white. When you throw in generalized blanket statements like "all the white students" and that you wouldn't have hard time if you were white, your racism shows. I'm sure many other students regardless if they are white or black or periwinkle suffer from social shyness, and want to be accepted by their peers. You can't assume you know what other students experience. I'll be blunt - in 2011 a black male student does not "stand out". I wouldn't see a black guy in one of my classes and think "wow that is different. That man is black." Unless you live in some behind the times town in the deep south I doubt that you aren't making friends because you're black. Sounds like your attitude is what the problem is. YOU have created a racial divide and it is preventing you from connecting with your peers.
This is YOUR assumption, you have no idea if it is this person. He is here feeling down and out and you want to insult? Way to go...
lillymom
204 Posts
I live in a very rural part of the state and there is still quite a bit of ignorance and racism in my area about different races/cultures. If most of these people would drive 45min-1hr out of town they would be able to interact more but the are scared to!
Most people are scared(for whatever reason) of races/cultures that they have not been directly exposed of. I myself tend to be curious instead so it's not much of a problem for me.
They may also be put off that you are a male. People tend to get a little embarrassed and nervous when they know that they are going to have to eventually discuss the reproductive system with the opposite sex in the room. Not very mature I know but it happens.
I think that if you give them time and be open and friendly, but not overly so, they will open up to you. Keep your head up because in the end you are doing this for yourself and not your fellow students.