Well I'm no longer a new SN, as my name suggests, but I am a recent graduate with a dilemma. I don't know if I'm just venting or if I really need a hand making this decision but I thank you in advance for reading my post. I've been offered what I consider to be a dream opportunity for a new grad - a nurse residency spot at a top health network in the nation (in the field I'm most passionate about!). I'd have to relocate (only about 100 miles away to the next city) and give the hospital two years of service in total. I don't love the location. At the same time, my husband was offered HIS dream job in our favorite city, 3000 miles from here with relocation assistance (and in a place where it NEVER snows, lol. That's music to my ears). I've been job hunting in that city for months now, with absolutely no luck. I also know how difficult it is for new graduates who are native to the region to get a job. According to their state board of nursing, new grads are waiting almost a year after graduation, on average, before finding employment.
So I'm at a crossroads now. Take what I consider to be the dream opportunity although not in the ideal location and be tied down for two years? Or move to a place I've been dreaming of living almost my whole life with no promise of work, hoping that an opportunity presents itself soon? We'd be comfortable on the one salary, as we've been since I decided to change careers and go to nursing school in the first place. But I'd be devastated if I can't find work there and passed up a perfectly good opportunity here. My husband's a really good sport and he'll do whatever I think is best (naturally he'd be a little upset to pass up this opportunity) but I guess I'm torn between my personal dream job and dream location. I know it's hard to say... but what do you think you'd do?
I feel for you! I was away from my fiancee when younger & I gave up nursing then as he convinced me to be with him all the time - and I tell you now, I regretted it. I could have fin earlier and had years under my belt.
I would say it will be easier to do now than when u have children. I've even known medical students/registrars living away from their partners/spouses. One Irish doctor we had, he would fly over to England or Ireland (can't rem) to see his fiancee anytime he could & he'd skype etc (not the same I know!). The point I'm making is in the 'old days' we didn't have that technology; no mobiles or email. This doctor told me when he went back to see his lady, it was more special and brought them closer together. He eventually left & got married.
2 years is not a lot out of your life, when ur going to be together for the rest of your lives. I'm not in the US, but many people are having problems getting work and your frustration at being unemployed is obvious.
Even if ur married, you have to make yourself happy, otherwise you'll make ur partner unhappy & you won't be a good person to be around. I think this new experience could actually strengthen your marriage. Mind you if you end up having a family half-way thru, that is an entirely different story.
I've seen so many of my gf's give up careers to have families and to run around after their spouses. Some are happy, most aren't, most are now divorced. They are divorced because they didn't put THEMSELVES FIRST. Sometimes you have to be a bit selfish I think, and there's nothing wrong with that.
It would just be a shame to not use all the education you put that time & energy into getting; and it would also be a waste of money too. From what I've read on here, I don't think u will get a job as a newbie later on so you may be unemployed later; I'm told you aren't a new grad in the US (presume that's where u are) after 12 months even if u don't have experience.
My husband and I were apart.for a year while I finished nursing school. It sucks but it's possible. Id do both. I'm guessing he got a job in california? It's such a nightmare here for new grads & even experienced nurses.
My husband and I were apart.for a year while I finished nursing school. It sucks but it's possible. Id do both. I'm guessing he got a job in california? It's such a nightmare here for new grads & even experienced nurses.
That's great that you were able to do that in nursing school! I knew a few people in my class who left home to do our program and I always thought of them as so strong and ambitious! And whenever they got the opportunity to go home and visit during breaks (even if it was just for a couple of days), they were thrilled. I know it's possible to go our separate ways for a short time. I just hate even thinking about it... He was my rock throughout nursing school and I know he'll be my rock on those hard days coming home as a new nurse feeling like the entire day went wrong (I've heard of every new nurse having this day on orientation at least once). I can't imagine skyping after a day like this! LOL
Tough one...two choices will make one of you unhappy (or at least disappointed) while the third choice--you both accept your jobs--will require a lot of work and commitment on both of your parts to keep the marriage alive since you will be so far apart. You're right--in this situation you can't have it all: you're going to have to compromise on something.
I can't tell you what is the best answer for you--only you can decide that.
If you don't have kids (I didn't catch in the other posts whether you did), then I agree with some of the above posters: why not both of you give your jobs a shot? Technology makes it easier to stay in touch, sign up for a good frequent flyer program, and plan on lots of long weekends where you BOTH take turns visiting the other. And if it doesn't work out, you can always quit and relocate to where your husband is.
My better half is in the military and so can't say no to whatever job they offer him. So I'm the one who gets to decide if I stay behind and pursue my career/interests, or uproot to go with him and take my chances. We have a young son, so uprooting is the only answer as the better half has already missed out on a lot of the little one's life due to deployments and such. Yeah, it sucks that I've had to make sacrifices in my schooling and career because of that, and I'll admit that sometimes I do resent the circumstances and that I had to do that. But overall I've never regretted it.
When the better half retires, then my career will become the priority: I'll be able to do whatever I want about work, while he minds the home front. We both like the idea of my travel nursing, especially after the nest is empty and we can jaunt off whenever we like :)
As someone who had lived separately from her husband for 4yrs, i will tell you it was not easy. We came to times when we were so frustrated we almost called it quits. Now we are together, i am grateful to God that we didnt split and i would not wish that kind of relationship on anyone else. I have a co-worker doing it now and he said its so not easy that he's telling his wife to quit her job and get down here as soon as possible (for him and the family).
I know people say that you can manage it but for 3years (one in residency and 2 yrs back), it would take a lot of work and travelling and 3000 miles away is not a place you can just go without planning. I believe something would come up no matter where you go. It might take time but you said that you would be comfortable on one salary. And i would not suggest that you break your contract with any company, you dont know when you might need them in the future. If you plan on taking the job i would suggest that you plan on staying your whole contract.
Do you love your husband? I know I'm going to sound like a throwback, but....is it worth giving up a great relationship for a job?
Why would she be giving up the relationship? It seems to me that if she loves her husband then even if they are apart for the two years...she won't be giving upthe great relationship....being apart will not break up a true and strong relationship. If they really love each other and are committed, this will not destroy the marriage. My daughter is in her second year of Vet school, obviously she had to move to the University. Her husband has a position where he is not able to relocate. They are in the same state but only able to see each other about once a month. They do talk frequently on the phone and skype. This is necessary for two more years...but she was not going to give up the opportunity to go to Vet school (a life long dream) or give up her marriage...this is only a temporary situation..and while not ideal, it's working out fine.
The time will fly by, you will get great experience under your belt from a well respected institution and you will no longer be a new nurse...you will then be infinitely more marketable....so do both...at least for about 18 months and then move to where your husbands new career is...in the meantime you can be scouting positions in that locale.
Your job vs. your husband's job is a balanced scale.
Bet when you throw in your dream city, the balance tips. Location, location, location.
I also think that because he has an established career, he sort of "trumps" you, because you have a clean slate. What about the medical facilities in the dream city? Are there some good ones there? You might have to wait a little longer to start, but you might find something equally wonderful.
:w00t:Congratulations on graduating and getting a great job offer! My 2 cents: If you accept the job and hubby keeps his job (which it sounds like he is happy with), you will both have a job AND each other. Sounds like he is well-established in his career and is getting job offers from "headhunters" without even looking, am I right? Whereas you are just starting out and aren't going to have as many opportunities at first. You have a husband who supports you PLUS a great job offer. Accept the gifts and enjoy!! You can move to the land of no snow someday, together, when you have a couple years under your belt and you're in demand, too! Best wishes, whatever you decide. :redpinkhe
I do not think I could live that far from my husband. Maybe a few hundred miles away but if I got lonely I would like to be able to hope in the car on a day off and see him in a few hours.
You are in a hard place. It is hard to say what I would do. I have been a stay at home mom for the past 10 yrs. Just got my LPN and my first job (part time). Being an LPN and working in an LTC is not my dream job. If I were offered my dream job and hubby was offered his dream job I would follow him to his dream job. Esp. if I did not "have" to work. I would try to work at a less than ideal location for a few years while I waited for my perfect job. It could be that I would never get my perfect job again but at least for my relationship I know that my hubby has put up with a bunch of bs working his way to the top. If he was given the chance to be at the top "his dream job" I would give up my dream. I cannot put myself in your shoes totally because each reason for doing or not doing something is different.
Long distance relationships can be very difficult, no matter how stable the relationship is now. I personally would not want to live away from my husband for two years, especially when just starting a new job. Starting a new job can be stressful, especially if you don't have your usual support system there with you. (I think you said your husband has been "your rock"). I know I might sound like I'm being negative, but I'm just trying to be realistic, and I'm trying to think how I would feel if in your situation. If your husband is a good sport, maybe you could take your dream job in the city you don't love, and just see how it goes...I'm guessing he would be willing to move there with you...If you aren't happy, then you guys could move to your dream city...Or would it be unlikely for your husband to get another job offer there like he has now? It sounds like a very difficult decision you have on your hands. If it were me, to be honest, I would probably just go to the location that I loved. I think I would be happier in a dream location than in a city I don't care for with a job that I love. I know everyone is different, but me personally-I would move to my dream city where my husband already has a job lined up. You will get a job eventually. I think that's what I would do anyway...Good luck to you :)
carolmaccas66, BSN, RN
2,212 Posts
Hey newSN.
I feel for you! I was away from my fiancee when younger & I gave up nursing then as he convinced me to be with him all the time - and I tell you now, I regretted it. I could have fin earlier and had years under my belt.
I would say it will be easier to do now than when u have children. I've even known medical students/registrars living away from their partners/spouses. One Irish doctor we had, he would fly over to England or Ireland (can't rem) to see his fiancee anytime he could & he'd skype etc (not the same I know!). The point I'm making is in the 'old days' we didn't have that technology; no mobiles or email. This doctor told me when he went back to see his lady, it was more special and brought them closer together. He eventually left & got married.
2 years is not a lot out of your life, when ur going to be together for the rest of your lives. I'm not in the US, but many people are having problems getting work and your frustration at being unemployed is obvious.
Even if ur married, you have to make yourself happy, otherwise you'll make ur partner unhappy & you won't be a good person to be around. I think this new experience could actually strengthen your marriage. Mind you if you end up having a family half-way thru, that is an entirely different story.
I've seen so many of my gf's give up careers to have families and to run around after their spouses. Some are happy, most aren't, most are now divorced. They are divorced because they didn't put THEMSELVES FIRST. Sometimes you have to be a bit selfish I think, and there's nothing wrong with that.
It would just be a shame to not use all the education you put that time & energy into getting; and it would also be a waste of money too. From what I've read on here, I don't think u will get a job as a newbie later on so you may be unemployed later; I'm told you aren't a new grad in the US (presume that's where u are) after 12 months even if u don't have experience.