Should I stay or should I go? I don't know.

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Well I'm no longer a new SN, as my name suggests, but I am a recent graduate with a dilemma. I don't know if I'm just venting or if I really need a hand making this decision but I thank you in advance for reading my post. I've been offered what I consider to be a dream opportunity for a new grad - a nurse residency spot at a top health network in the nation (in the field I'm most passionate about!). I'd have to relocate (only about 100 miles away to the next city) and give the hospital two years of service in total. I don't love the location. At the same time, my husband was offered HIS dream job in our favorite city, 3000 miles from here with relocation assistance (and in a place where it NEVER snows, lol. That's music to my ears). I've been job hunting in that city for months now, with absolutely no luck. I also know how difficult it is for new graduates who are native to the region to get a job. According to their state board of nursing, new grads are waiting almost a year after graduation, on average, before finding employment.

So I'm at a crossroads now. Take what I consider to be the dream opportunity although not in the ideal location and be tied down for two years? Or move to a place I've been dreaming of living almost my whole life with no promise of work, hoping that an opportunity presents itself soon? We'd be comfortable on the one salary, as we've been since I decided to change careers and go to nursing school in the first place. But I'd be devastated if I can't find work there and passed up a perfectly good opportunity here. My husband's a really good sport and he'll do whatever I think is best (naturally he'd be a little upset to pass up this opportunity) but I guess I'm torn between my personal dream job and dream location. I know it's hard to say... but what do you think you'd do?

And thanks again for reading.

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i'd take the job! Good new GN programs are hard to come by. Opportunity is knocking at your door, answer it! JMHO

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i'd take the job! Good new GN programs are hard to come by. Opportunity is knocking at your door, answer it! JMHO

It's what I keep telling myself - I know it's silly to pass up a job as a new grad these days... And then I remember that I don't like the city it's in and my husband has a fabulous opportunity in a city we do love. But I think of how frustrated I felt about being an unemployed RN before I was offered this gig and get super confused! Every time I think I've made a decision, something makes me rethink it. :uhoh3:

Thanks for reading and for your opinion :)

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Specializes in Peri-op/Sub-Acute ANP.

If you do not have children, why can't you both get what you want? So long as your relationship is secure would it be so terrible if you were apart for a while so that you could both focus on career?

Something else to consider, but so long as this job of yours is in a Right to Work State they will have a very difficult time holding you to a two year contract. They might kick up a fuss, but I doubt it would be worth their while to come after you legally if you broke the contract after a year or 18 months. By then, who knows what the job market will be and what opportunities will be open to you in your partner's town. Just something else to think about!

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Specializes in Med/Surg, DSU, Ortho, Onc, Psych.

I tell you now: if you don't take the job, you will be resentful.

If ur hubby doesn't take his job, he will be resentful.

You say he's a 'good sport', but things like this can fester and one partner may not tell the other how they feel at first, but it later builds up and all comes out.

I see this so much from students on here. They aren't willing to move cos of the hubby or boyfriend/partner, but if you decide to have a career in nursing, nowadays, you must be prepared to move to get work. Many on here seem to think they should get a job 30 minutes from home! I wish I could have had a job that was 30 mins or less from home! I've moved around my whole life to get experience in different areas. I was away from my fiancee when I was younger, which was horrible - and it does put a strain on ur relationship - but I was too young to handle it all then.

Anyway, I know people who have done the living in diff cities for work and their relationship has survived. It is not easy though. But I've known coupld who flew to meet each other on weekends/holidays & they did get thru it successfully (some had kids to). People can make situations work if they REALLY work at it.

You should take this job offer. If you went to nursing school, you must have realised that you may have to move to get work and you would be doing shiftwork anyway & probly spending less time with ur hubby.

I think if you don't take this opportunity, years later down the track you will regret it. After all, it's YOUR career too - not just hubbys! You didn't go to school & slog away for nothing. It would be a waste and I can tell you now if you haven't had any job offers, you probly won't get any for a while.

Take the job & get the experience; you won't regret it.

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If you do not have children, why can't you both get what you want? So long as your relationship is secure would it be so terrible if you were apart for a while so that you could both focus on career?

Something else to consider, but so long as this job of yours is in a Right to Work State they will have a very difficult time holding you to a two year contract. They might kick up a fuss, but I doubt it would be worth their while to come after you legally if you broke the contract after a year or 18 months. By then, who knows what the job market will be and what opportunities will be open to you in your partner's town. Just something else to think about!

I really liked this post, and it's certainly something we've thought of. I have to say - it's the idea I've dismissed most quickly out of all of them because I just don't want to live 3000 miles away from him. It's a rational and realistic possibility but I dismiss it like the craziest thing I've ever thought of. I guess it's my heart acting on my head's behalf.

The idea about the 2 year contract is that I'd have to pay them for the "class" that they put all interns through in the first few months. They assign a certain number of hours (which technically works out to be two years) and if you don't stay the whole time, you owe them money based on the amount of service you didn't complete. Hopefully this makes sense. I was a little surprised by it myself but they armed me with the general info during the interview and I chose to move forward in the process knowing that it really was a commitment.

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Specializes in Critical Care.

What will your husband do if you take this job 100 miles away? What happens re one his current job and two his dream job in a dream location?

I'd want to take a chance and move to the dream location with a dream job for your husband, especially if you can live on his income alone. Then you can look for jobs in the area.

I'd hate for you to accept this job and friction and resentment between you and your husband only to find out its not as good as you thought. How many nurses are unhappy in their present positions working in hospitals and nursing homes already?

You guys will have to figure it out but I wouldn't want to bet the farm on the nursing job and then find out the working conditions suck and you'll be stuck working weekends and holidays, short staffed and mandated. Just my opinion.

As a compromise you each take your dream job and try a long distance relationship. Usually you only sign a contract if they are bringing money to the table, ie a bonus, tuition reimbursement or moving costs. Otherwise what is the incentive for you to contract with them and then what do you have to lose if you choose to leave early.

I would then try them out and if things don't turn out or once you gain experience and are able to relocate to where your husband is, then be prepared to pay back whatever bonus, assistance they have provided you. It does happen, people do change their mind and leave places early and just pay the money back, especially if the working conditions are poor. It would be surprising that they would be willing to offer a bonus in these economic conditions.

Also you need to consider cost of living, crime, schools where you would each live. Perhaps taking your job and getting experience, while he takes the dream job and you guys later meet up at the dream location after you get some experience and are able to secure another job where he is living would be the best compromise!

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Relationships are about a balance of each person growing, with respect and trust at the base. From a professional view you need to take this job. Hopefully you and your husband can make it work for your relationship, too. Such is life! Decisions, decisions! Wish you well, and remember whatever you decide will be right for YOU and your "life story".

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I tell you now: if you don't take the job, you will be resentful.

If ur hubby doesn't take his job, he will be resentful.

You say he's a 'good sport', but things like this can fester and one partner may not tell the other how they feel at first, but it later builds up and all comes out.

I see this so much from students on here. They aren't willing to move cos of the hubby or boyfriend/partner, but if you decide to have a career in nursing, nowadays, you must be prepared to move to get work. Many on here seem to think they should get a job 30 minutes from home! I wish I could have had a job that was 30 mins or less from home! I've moved around my whole life to get experience in different areas. I was away from my fiancee when I was younger, which was horrible - and it does put a strain on ur relationship - but I was too young to handle it all then.

Anyway, I know people who have done the living in diff cities for work and their relationship has survived. It is not easy though. But I've known coupld who flew to meet each other on weekends/holidays & they did get thru it successfully (some had kids to). People can make situations work if they REALLY work at it.

You should take this job offer. If you went to nursing school, you must have realised that you may have to move to get work and you would be doing shiftwork anyway & probly spending less time with ur hubby.

I think if you don't take this opportunity, years later down the track you will regret it. After all, it's YOUR career too - not just hubbys! You didn't go to school & slog away for nothing. It would be a waste and I can tell you now if you haven't had any job offers, you probly won't get any for a while.

Take the job & get the experience; you won't regret it.

Your post made total sense to me and I loved all the points you made. I really do want the job, as much as there are things about it that I just don't like. I feel grateful for such a terrific opportunity and I don't want to give it up. And I know that's how hubby probably feels too. At the same time, I don't want to live so far apart from him for two years. And I really do want to live in the beautiful city that is sunny for most of the year and never sees snow. Lastly, I want hubby to be happy in his job too! So, in a sense, I want it all and there's no way to get it, lol.

Thanks so much for reading and for the suggestions. I have a lot to think about.

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What will your husband do if you take this job 100 miles away? What happens re one his current job and two his dream job in a dream location?

I'd want to take a chance and move to the dream location with a dream job for your husband, especially if you can live on his income alone. Then you can look for jobs in the area.

I'd hate for you to accept this job and friction and resentment between you and your husband only to find out its not as good as you thought. How many nurses are unhappy in their present positions working in hospitals and nursing homes already?

You guys will have to figure it out but I wouldn't want to bet the farm on the nursing job and then find out the working conditions suck and you'll be stuck working weekends and holidays, short staffed and mandated. Just my opinion.

Thanks for reading and replying, brandy! Hubby is kind of leaving this decision up to me, saying that he really won't mind whatever I choose. We both are excited about a possible relocation to the new state (where his new job would be). But if I chose to stay, he'd continue to commute to his job (his commute's already long timewise and, because of the direction he'd be going from the location of my new job, his commute time wouldn't be much longer. He's a way more patient commuter than I could ever be! LOL). I know we've got a lot to think about but every time I start looking for rentals, it's always in the new state. I think that's my heart telling me something...

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Specializes in Peri-op/Sub-Acute ANP.
I really liked this post, and it's certainly something we've thought of. I have to say - it's the idea I've dismissed most quickly out of all of them because I just don't want to live 3000 miles away from him. It's a rational and realistic possibility but I dismiss it like the craziest thing I've ever thought of. I guess it's my heart acting on my head's behalf.

The idea about the 2 year contract is that I'd have to pay them for the "class" that they put all interns through in the first few months. They assign a certain number of hours (which technically works out to be two years) and if you don't stay the whole time, you owe them money based on the amount of service you didn't complete. Hopefully this makes sense. I was a little surprised by it myself but they armed me with the general info during the interview and I chose to move forward in the process knowing that it really was a commitment.

I'm very familiar with the contracts you describe, but it is very hard for employers to enforce them. Most of the time the repayment is pro-rated and after you have completed 18 months or so, it is barely worth their while to take you to court to try and collect the money. They would wind up paying more in legal fees than you owed them. Although you will hear about cases when they tried to recover money, for the most part they will let you go - esp. if you are moving long distance. They essentially have these contracts to stop you from getting your training with them, and then going to another local hospital to get more $$$$$. They know that when they have you sign these things that "life happens" and so long as you're not jumping ship with them to go to the hospital next-door for the money they will probably let it go.

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I'm very familiar with the contracts you describe, but it is very hard for employers to enforce them. Most of the time the repayment is pro-rated and after you have completed 18 months or so, it is barely worth their while to take you to court to try and collect the money. They would wind up paying more in legal fees than you owed them. Although you will hear about cases when they tried to recover money, for the most part they will let you go - esp. if you are moving long distance. They essentially have these contracts to stop you from getting your training with them, and then going to another local hospital to get more $$$$$. They know that when they have you sign these things that "life happens" and so long as you're not jumping ship with them to go to the hospital next-door for the money they will probably let it go.

What's funny is I have so much respect for this hospital and every RN I've spoken to there has the best things to say about their orientation and about them as an employer in general. I'm sure if my heart weren't in a city across the country, I might wind up wanting to stay with this hospital for my entire career! That's what the experienced nurses have told me... "I intended to stay here a couple of years and wound up staying a couple of decades because I loved it so much."

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