Well I'm no longer a new SN, as my name suggests, but I am a recent graduate with a dilemma. I don't know if I'm just venting or if I really need a hand making this decision but I thank you in advance for reading my post. I've been offered what I consider to be a dream opportunity for a new grad - a nurse residency spot at a top health network in the nation (in the field I'm most passionate about!). I'd have to relocate (only about 100 miles away to the next city) and give the hospital two years of service in total. I don't love the location. At the same time, my husband was offered HIS dream job in our favorite city, 3000 miles from here with relocation assistance (and in a place where it NEVER snows, lol. That's music to my ears). I've been job hunting in that city for months now, with absolutely no luck. I also know how difficult it is for new graduates who are native to the region to get a job. According to their state board of nursing, new grads are waiting almost a year after graduation, on average, before finding employment.
So I'm at a crossroads now. Take what I consider to be the dream opportunity although not in the ideal location and be tied down for two years? Or move to a place I've been dreaming of living almost my whole life with no promise of work, hoping that an opportunity presents itself soon? We'd be comfortable on the one salary, as we've been since I decided to change careers and go to nursing school in the first place. But I'd be devastated if I can't find work there and passed up a perfectly good opportunity here. My husband's a really good sport and he'll do whatever I think is best (naturally he'd be a little upset to pass up this opportunity) but I guess I'm torn between my personal dream job and dream location. I know it's hard to say... but what do you think you'd do?
Tough one...two choices will make one of you unhappy (or at least disappointed) while the third choice--you both accept your jobs--will require a lot of work and commitment on both of your parts to keep the marriage alive since you will be so far apart. You're right--in this situation you can't have it all: you're going to have to compromise on something.
I can't tell you what is the best answer for you--only you can decide that.
If you don't have kids (I didn't catch in the other posts whether you did), then I agree with some of the above posters: why not both of you give your jobs a shot? Technology makes it easier to stay in touch, sign up for a good frequent flyer program, and plan on lots of long weekends where you BOTH take turns visiting the other. And if it doesn't work out, you can always quit and relocate to where your husband is.
My better half is in the military and so can't say no to whatever job they offer him. So I'm the one who gets to decide if I stay behind and pursue my career/interests, or uproot to go with him and take my chances. We have a young son, so uprooting is the only answer as the better half has already missed out on a lot of the little one's life due to deployments and such. Yeah, it sucks that I've had to make sacrifices in my schooling and career because of that, and I'll admit that sometimes I do resent the circumstances and that I had to do that. But overall I've never regretted it.
When the better half retires, then my career will become the priority: I'll be able to do whatever I want about work, while he minds the home front. We both like the idea of my travel nursing, especially after the nest is empty and we can jaunt off whenever we like :)
I don't have kids so technically, if we were ever going to do this, now would be the time. But I hate the idea of it. I guess it's partially because he's the only family I have here (both of our families live a few hours away) so if he's not here, I'd feel totally alone (besides my friends... but you don't snuggle up to them after a hard days' work). I think, as a military wife, you have felt very similar at certain times. It sounds like you guys really have it figured out and like he's willing to accommodate your dreams when he retires, much like my hubby has always done for me. I know living apart is a big decision but I make it such a huge deal when there are couples out there who literally have no choice... I have to be more flexible and realistic if I want to be successful in my career...
As someone who had lived separately from her husband for 4yrs, i will tell you it was not easy. We came to times when we were so frustrated we almost called it quits. Now we are together, i am grateful to God that we didnt split and i would not wish that kind of relationship on anyone else. I have a co-worker doing it now and he said its so not easy that he's telling his wife to quit her job and get down here as soon as possible (for him and the family).
I know people say that you can manage it but for 3years (one in residency and 2 yrs back), it would take a lot of work and travelling and 3000 miles away is not a place you can just go without planning. I believe something would come up no matter where you go. It might take time but you said that you would be comfortable on one salary. And i would not suggest that you break your contract with any company, you dont know when you might need them in the future. If you plan on taking the job i would suggest that you plan on staying your whole contract.
I know, I would hate to break a contract, especially since I have so much respect for the hospital and for the internship. If this other thing weren't on the table... I doubt I'd even think twice about this offer! It's a fabulous opportunity and I feel lucky to have been given it. When I think about it that way, though, it makes it seem like the only option is for both of us to take our jobs and make it work. Thanks so much for reading!
Why would she be giving up the relationship? It seems to me that if she loves her husband then even if they are apart for the two years...she won't be giving upthe great relationship....being apart will not break up a true and strong relationship. If they really love each other and are committed, this will not destroy the marriage. My daughter is in her second year of Vet school, obviously she had to move to the University. Her husband has a position where he is not able to relocate. They are in the same state but only able to see each other about once a month. They do talk frequently on the phone and skype. This is necessary for two more years...but she was not going to give up the opportunity to go to Vet school (a life long dream) or give up her marriage...this is only a temporary situation..and while not ideal, it's working out fine.
The time will fly by, you will get great experience under your belt from a well respected institution and you will no longer be a new nurse...you will then be infinitely more marketable....so do both...at least for about 18 months and then move to where your husbands new career is...in the meantime you can be scouting positions in that locale.
You are completely right - we're in a completely loving, accepting, and nurturing marriage and this wouldn't break us, it would just be stressful and tough. Kudos to your daughter and good luck to her! As I know it would for me and my husband, it will all pay off for them in spades! Thank you for responding :)
Your job vs. your husband's job is a balanced scale.
Bet when you throw in your dream city, the balance tips. Location, location, location.
I also think that because he has an established career, he sort of "trumps" you, because you have a clean slate. What about the medical facilities in the dream city? Are there some good ones there? You might have to wait a little longer to start, but you might find something equally wonderful.
It's so true. This is why the thought... "Pull the rug out from under yourself and just go... how long can it be before you find something?" keeps resonating with me. His salary is more than my earning potential as a new nurse and he has worked hard to get here in his career. And he's sacrificed a lot so that I could go back to school (my second salary, for example, lol). But then I read about the troubles that even "native" new grads have there and get nervous to give up a job here!
:w00t:Congratulations on graduating and getting a great job offer! My 2 cents: If you accept the job and hubby keeps his job (which it sounds like he is happy with), you will both have a job AND each other. Sounds like he is well-established in his career and is getting job offers from "headhunters" without even looking, am I right? Whereas you are just starting out and aren't going to have as many opportunities at first. You have a husband who supports you PLUS a great job offer. Accept the gifts and enjoy!! You can move to the land of no snow someday, together, when you have a couple years under your belt and you're in demand, too! Best wishes, whatever you decide. :redpinkhe
Your post was so sweet, thank you. He's a lot more established in his career but he did seek out this opportunity, partially because we've dreamed of moving to this location for years and also because he thought it would be really good for his career, so I know it's important to him. You're right, though, I'm a very lucky girl to have a supportive husband and a job. I'm so grateful :):redpinkhe
I'd move to where you want to live. Something will come about - granted, it most likely will NOT be in the area of nursing you want... but it will be experience and can help you work towards your dream job. Besides, how do you know that you can't move to your dream city and not find your dream job? Don't know until you try... especially if you would be comfortable on one income.
Very interesting dilemma! I hope you let us know what you decide.
For me, it would be an easy decision. I am going to nursing school primarily to eventually provide a better life for my husband and myself, so that we can spend more time together and enrich our relationship. Secondary gains include fulfilling my need to help people, personal growth, etc.
I would move with him to the dream location and get busy looking for new job offers.
You are completely right - we're in a completely loving, accepting, and nurturing marriage and this wouldn't break us, it would just be stressful and tough. Kudos to your daughter and good luck to her! As I know it would for me and my husband, it will all pay off for them in spades! Thank you for responding :)
The thing is everyone thinks they are in a solid relationship till all h@#LL breaks loose. Its not cheating aspect but growing apart. Finding it difficult to communicate with each other. Trying to reach one another in your deepest need and the other is not at the other end. Then the frustrations starts to set in. Where could he/she be (traffic), He said something to me, why would he use that tone (well you cant see facial expressions over the phone), you start to think about cutting down on spending after you see flight tickets go up which would further increase the distance.
Not to scare you but these are potential things you should look into.
No kids? go for it. Especially if this job opportunity for him could lead to more relocation. If you give up your dream job for his, and he gets another job offer to move again, you'll really start resenting your missed opportunities.
As a mom and wife, and newish nurse, the most stressful part of my job is that I feel behind. I haven't been able to devote more of my time to my job to really be the nurse I want to be right now. I read up on at least one thing post shift, but not realllly get into it, because it's time to pick up my daughter, cook dinner. I sleep less, work out less, and am less balanced overall. Some in my cohort pick up 2-3 extra shifts a week! I'd like to do that too- that's not just extra money, it's extra experience. I can't do 3 shifts in a row; my family hates that. But you could do a S-M-T, go see hubs, and have almost a week for travel and visiting before you have to go back to work the following TH-F-Sat.
Important to make sure you explore the new dream city though. If that will be your home base after your contract is up you don't want to feel like a stranger, while your DH is over the "newness" of his home for the last 2-3 years.
I want to thank you all for reading and responding. You've given me lots to consider but it doesn't feel as though any decision is the wrong decision, as much as it did before I posted. I will keep you guys updated on what we decide - I need to have it figured out within a couple of weeks because I'd start work here in a month and a half. Thanks again you guys!
Specializes in Clinical Research, Outpt Women's Health.
Go. No snow is a no brainer!
Seriously, a happy husband is a precious thing. You will get a job eventually once you are there and you can live fine until that time. Why do endentured slavery and deal with snow?
newSN
27 Posts
I don't have kids so technically, if we were ever going to do this, now would be the time. But I hate the idea of it. I guess it's partially because he's the only family I have here (both of our families live a few hours away) so if he's not here, I'd feel totally alone (besides my friends... but you don't snuggle up to them after a hard days' work). I think, as a military wife, you have felt very similar at certain times. It sounds like you guys really have it figured out and like he's willing to accommodate your dreams when he retires, much like my hubby has always done for me. I know living apart is a big decision but I make it such a huge deal when there are couples out there who literally have no choice... I have to be more flexible and realistic if I want to be successful in my career...
Thank you so much for your response :)