Should I go to a funeral or funeral home?

Ms Kylee · Jul 22, 2007

Grrr... wanted to post the smiley after the Thanks, not at the beginning of the thread.....

leslie :-D · Jul 22, 2007

i go to the wakes/funeral homes.

this way i get to speak directly with the family.

leslie

TazziRN, RN · Jul 22, 2007

If you have special feelings for this pt and really want to pay respects, nothing wrong with going to either or even both.

I have deliberately avoided attending the services of pts, although I have sent cards or flowers.

EmmaG, RN · Jul 22, 2007

i go to the wakes/funeral homes.
this way i get to speak directly with the family.
leslie

Same here. I've never attended a funeral, but know many nurses and docs who have. (a couple of docs I've worked with have been pallbearers for some of our long-term patients) I see nothing wrong with that.

oMerMero · Jul 22, 2007

I never go to funerals. It is hard enough to leave my work at work as it is.

sphinx, BSN, RN · Jul 22, 2007

I had always been too nervous to go to a wake/funeral. Could be because I have been blessed not to have anybody close to me die, and previously only been to 1 funeral. But the job I am at now I work with the elderly, and really get to know these people. I went to a wake of one lovely man, who lived in the building our clinic is in. It was beautiful....his wife was in a room with his casket, and her daughter and a couple grandkids......we all went up to her and talked to her/hugged her before going over to say our goodbyes to J. She was our patient too. Out in the main hall, there were beautiful photographs and momentos from his life, his family, etc.

I say if you can go, you should go. For me, it felt good to say goodbye and to be there for his wife.

woody62, RN · Jul 22, 2007

I never go to funerals. It is hard enough to leave my work at work as it is.

Of the many patients I have taken care of, I've attended only four funerals. One was because I was asked to take part in his funeral Mass. One because it was a 12 year old girl I had become very close to. And two because I and my mother knew the family. Otherwise I just send a Mass card, regardless of their religion. And my Mass card has all ways been received with thanks by the family.

Woody

paulla29 · Jul 22, 2007

I decided early on in my career that I would not attend funerals or viewings (just personal choice). But, for those patients and/or families that have really touched me, I send a card or an arrangement to the funeral home. Just do what feels right for you.

Miss Chybil RN, BSN, RN · Jul 22, 2007

Just do what feels right for you.

Wise words...

sberrn · Jul 22, 2007

It really depends on how you feel. There is nothing to say that you cannot go, however you have to know what you want to do.

If you think it is just out of duty, you are not obligated.

If you cared for the person and are aquainted with the family it is more difficult.

Sleep on it and then see how you feel, either way you are a good person and you are concerned. You took care while alive and you can morn without going in your own way.

Sometimes that is what I do.

Feel better.

nrsang97, BSN, RN · Jul 22, 2007

I only went to a wake one time. The family and I got really close when the patient was in my care. I quickly bonded with her sister and mom. I went to the wake and got the suprise of my life. She was related to my mom's boss and her (the pt) brother came up to me since I didn't see him initially and hugged me and just started to cry. He was so glad to see me. He had visited her while I had went on vacation. She was discharged home the next week when I came back and I sent her home. The family called my boss and let us know her funeral arrangements and asked if I and a few others would come. The family sent me a card afterwards thanking me for coming.

So if you feel like you would like to go then do so. Otherwise you could send a card if you like.