Next time he tells you that you're sweet, laugh out loud and say,"Me sweet? No way. I've been bustin' balls since I was a toddler." Then just go on about your business. I'll bet the sugar comments will be in your rear view mirror!
Don't say balls. It will just give him more to play with.
I agree with BDTD. Wait it out. If he's a Creep, there's more to come that won't be in such a gray area.
Specializes in Nurse Leader specializing in Labor & Delivery.
Oh, I thought Stevia.
Yes, you are probably right. :) Stevia is probably better for you. Although, I'm a fan of agave nectar. I add a little of that to my yeast instead of sugar when I'm proofing yeast for baked goods.
Since absolutely none of us were there, we can not tell you if he was being sexual or not. Any word or any phrase can be deemed sexual depending on the tone of voice. Did he use a creepy voice and wink at you? Then maybe I would consider it sexual. But seriously, you said the morale was low, so people are probably hateful. You being the new hire are probably bubbly and perky. Therefore, adding some sugar (meaning you are sweet and nice), made the pot sweeter (meaning it was probably a relief having a somewhat better work environment to come into). That is all and by going to HR you are going to make you some enemies. If HR in any way views you as some kind of law-suit threat, you will be out of there. They will find a reason to force you out.
It takes only takes one or two people to create a toxic work environment which can be exhausting to any boss. It's exhausting to the coworkers also. Often times the toxic attitude spreads like wildfire and then everyone becomes negative. You may have been a breathe of fresh air for that dept and I would have taken what he said as a compliment. I truly would have. You are reading way too much into this.
And this is the down side to too much emphasis on a problem. Sexual harassment used to be rampant in the work place. After a few good lawsuits, companies started to take notice and try and fix the problem. The problem now is, it's been rammed down our throats so much, people think everything is sexual coming from the opposite sex and you can't say anything in the work place anymore. It's the same with bullying. People in the past few years have taken notice to this problem that has gone on for as long as I can remember and now people think if someone scowls at them, they are being bullied. I see it all the time in here. This nurse gave me a mean look and her tone was not pleasant, why am I being bullied? And in the end all it does is take away from the people who are truly being sexually harassed and bullied. So many people cry Wolf that when it does happen to someone for real, no one believes them. And that is sad. How many kids have to commit suicide before we look at the situation for what it is? How many women have to completely lose their self esteem and confidence in their job and go downhill before we stop the madness. Sexual harassment still does occur, I'm sure more than we think, but threads like this, make my head hurt.
If he's using this as analogous to, "You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar" in reference to everybody being nicer to help making changes occur, OK. If he's saying, "Be sweet to me, I'm the boss," not OK.
If you feel comfortable with this approach, take a friend with you and say that he might want to consider how is words are taken for this reason because you are sure that he didn't mean to be offensive since he knows all about how touchy things are regarding harassment. It might be the wake-up call he needs.
If not, well, when you have your exit interview at HR after you get another job, fill them in.
Specializes in Psych, Addictions, SOL (Student of Life).
without context for the cooment I can't say - he could of meant something like you catch more flies with honey - which my family says all the time. There may or may not have been a sexualy connotation. If exeryone is in a pissed off state and your the only nice one he could have been complementing you in a completely non-sexual way.
Being a bit older and coming from a background of a very male cententric world - I have a pretty thick skin - some one might say something innappropriate to me once but I just ignore it. There was one X-ray tech that used to come up behind nurses and caress the back of the arm. It was creepy. He did it to me once in a nurses station full of nurses and Doctors and I sweetly told him if he ever touched me again I would tear his arm off and beat him to death with it. In today's climate I would have been called in for making a threat - but he stopped bothering all the nurses and problem was solved. Sexual harrassers are bullies and bullies thrive on the reaction they get. So don't react and they usually stop. If you truely feel you are being harrassed start keeping a personal journal of each incident and go to management - by that I mean human resources not your nurse manager.
Specializes in psych, addictions, hospice, education.
I'd give him the benefit of the doubt this one time. If something similar happens again, then talk to him if you feel uncomfortable due to what he says. His intentions matter, surely, and your interpretation matters more. However, of you don't say anything, how will he know he has to change?
Even if you are over-reacting, you discomfort matters, and something should be done in the future, to limit your discomfort...if it happens again...
I think it's slightly odd that you're even considering it as sexual. I mean, is that literally all he said? Idk, seems very petty to me. It will make things awkward if you report him. Let it go, see how he is in the future, and if he makes you uncomfortable, then say something to him. HR should only be brought in when it's necessary. Otherwise, you're going to create an awkward work place for everybody an will have to constantly watch what you say.
Specializes in NICU, PICU, Transport, L&D, Hospice.
Sometimes people are "tone deaf".
In my view it would be easy to assume a sexual connotation to his comment. However, in the absence of any persistence in that level of misconduct I would tend to "turn the other cheek", demonstrate a professional demeanor, forgive, and move on.
If he proves to you that he is, indeed, a sexual predator in the workplace please review your policy and procedure manuals to discover the pathway for reporting.
Men in the USA, particularly white men in positions of authority need to learn that they may not treat women with that level of disrespect. They must learn that such behavior is NOT flattering and IS disrespectful.
Trust me, if it was an error in judgement rather than a pattern of behavior you will know soon enough. Fellows like that are sure to show you exactly who they are.
Farawyn
12,646 Posts
Don't say balls. It will just give him more to play with.
I agree with BDTD. Wait it out. If he's a Creep, there's more to come that won't be in such a gray area.
Good luck, OP.