I asked the boys, about 40 of them, aged from 16-18 if they'd ever watched Media, and they all laughed.
'Shall I take that as a yes?' I asked, and there were further chuckles and nodding heads all round.
You see, as the school nurse, I'd been asked to talk to the senior boys about 'sex and all that sort of stuff.' With such vague guidelines, I chose to talk about an area that has been coming an ever increasing concern.
'Do you like it?' I asked, and no one said outright they liked it.
'Do you think it's healthy or harmful?' They all said it's harmless, because the participants were consenting adults. So I asked them what's their favorite type of Media, and the answers were varied, although hot young blondes, and horny teens topped the list of favorites.
'Was that 'horny teen' legal?' I asked, and the laughter died away. They'd never thought of that before, they'd also never thought of sex-slavery, but now wasn't the right time to talk about that, as I felt they would stop listening if I started lecturing.
Although Ivan, one of the Russian lads raised his hand in protest. 'But sir, I only watch **** Media.' The room erupted, and the merits of **** Media were briefly discussed. I decided to get personal.
I asked them to raise their if they wanted to get married and have kids one day, and they all raised their hands.
'So what age is it okay for your son to watch Media?' They paused, giving it serious thought, before generally deciding that around 14yrs old is good.
'And what age is it okay for your daughter to watch Media?' I was greeted with silence.
No one wanted their daughter to ever watch Media, because deep inside of them, they know Media is not good, and they know it is degrading to women, regardless of consent.
We talked about other things, from relationship to STD's, but only briefly, because there's only so much you can teach them in one-off, one hour session.
But I wasn't there to lecture them, but hopefully to get them to think.
I don't have an opinion on Media for other adults, but if OP had that discussion with my sons it would be a non-issue for me because I agree that there is content out there (that isn't filtered) that isn't good for their developing attitudes about girls/women or sex.
For me it'd be about the same as a math teacher telling the class that they shouldn't ever eat refined sugars. Not the math teacher's job nor does refined sugar need to be banned outright for everyone but I'm not going to make an issue out of it even if my kid's sugar intake isn't generally seen as excessive. I don't think my kid is going to develop an eating disorder because of it.
..and then a thread on it turns to omg I'm fit and healthy in spite of my sugar intake, don't screw up the kids' attitudes about sugar.. Oh and my husband says I make the BEST cookies ever!!
Disclaimer I like both but I have the maturity most of the time to manage it.
Okay we get it. I'm sorry I joined in a little late with what everyone was talking about pages ago and now you're upset by it.
I'm sorry that my making one comment about what we were talking about makes me immature.
And no one was saying he "effed up the boys sexual attitude" we were saying, for the most part, that it being a sex ed class he should has spent more time on sex ed, safe sex, abstinence, teaching about STI's, than talking about Media.
Then we started talking about our personal feelings about it, our feelings on our spouses doing it, who does, who doesn't, yada yada yada.
I don't have an opinion on Media for other adults, but if OP had that discussion with my sons it would be a non-issue for me...
I don't have an issue with Media for adults either, and yea, on topic is optimal, yet thread drift occurs and it's no biggie, it will drift back eventually!
However if OP ever tries to talk to my kids about sex after all his crazy posts here we will have a problem.
Libby1987 - I am with you all the way. You make good sense to me.
You simply cannot compare Daddy's Playboy Magazine or Mommy's bodice-ripper book to what is being seen by teens today.
I will not get my son a cell phone. His internet access is limited to school work or something I supervise while in the kitchen. No TV in the bedroom. No HBO or Showtime.
And I talk about this stuff with my son frequently. He isn't in the dark about it. I think I've made that pretty clear. I'm not the parent with her head in the sand who never talks to her kids about sex.
Libby1987 - I am with you all the way. You make good sense to me.
You simply cannot compare Daddy's Playboy Magazine or Mommy's bodice-ripper book to what is being seen by teens today.
I will not get my son a cell phone. His internet access is limited to school work or something I supervise while in the kitchen. No TV in the bedroom. No HBO or Showtime.
And I talk about this stuff with my son frequently. He isn't in the dark about it. I think I've made that pretty clear. I'm not the parent with her head in the sand who never talks to her kids about sex.
Totally with you on what kids see today compared to the stuff in the past. They have access to everything.
I didn't need a phone in jr. high and high school. His older siblings didn't need a phone either. You just go up to the school office and ask the secretary if you can call your parents.
Easy peasy.
edited to add - I don't want my kids stuck in the house playing video games or watching movies or tv. This morning my son and I did a walking photo tour of a local lake. We hike in the local mountains and down to waterfalls. He loves to fish and so this afternoon we went fishing. His grandparents live on a ranch and he works out there for them. He plays sports. He plays in the band.
I get antsy inside the house. My goal is keep my kids busy.
There is no guarantee but I'm not handing him over to crap without a fight.
I didn't need a phone in jr. high and high school. His older siblings didn't need a phone either. You just go up to the school office and ask the secretary if you can call your parents.
Easy peasy.
What about texting his friends, sharing pictures, Vines, SnapChat stories, FB groups, evites to parties, etc?
I am NOT critical, just curious, and just wanting to know another parental view.
Plenty of kids come in to my office to use my phone because they don't have cell phones.
I do feel, for me, that I want my kids to navigate and learn to deal with technology.
(Meh, in 10 years they'll all have teeny tiny microchips planted in their brains at birth and will be plugged in all the time anyway. Read "Feed" by M.T, Anderson. Scary stuff. Great book.)
Edit: I saw your edit. My kids do play in the band, play sports, hang with friends, hold jobs, volunteer, student council bla bla bla. They also played 4 hours of Smash Bros. last night with the other guys in the neighborhood, screaming at the TV the whole time.
What about texting his friends, sharing pictures, Vines, SnapChat stories, FB groups, evites to parties, etc?
I am NOT critical, just curious, and just wanting to know another parental view.
Plenty of kids come in to my office to use my phone because they don't have cell phones.
I do feel, for me, that I want my kids to navigate and learn to deal with technology.
(Meh, in 10 years they'll all have teeny tiny microchips planted in their brains at birth and will be plugged in all the time anyway. Read "Feed" by M.T, Anderson. Scary stuff. Great book.)
What I see in the schools is kids bent over their cell phones texting each other when really, they are in the same building. There is no need for a phone to communicate if your voice works.
My son takes computer classes so he knows how to navigate - way better than I do.
Snap Chat was designed to send a photo that would automatically delete in 10 seconds so your parents or other couldn't see what you were up to. I'm not a fan of that.
If there is some event, people can use the old fashioned phone to call up my son and invite him. Or, send in invitation in the mail.
He does have an iPod with no internet access. He uses it to download music when mom allows it and mom looks at all the songs first. He also uses it to take photos - he's been using it for his 4-H photography class but I let him use my camera today. I'm in the process of downloading 96 photos right now to share with the family.
I'm in a unique place I think - I have three adult kids (32, 30, 26) who grew up without all this technology and they did just fine. I simply don't think any of the things you mentioned are reasons for me to buy my son a cell phone.
Oh and don't think he doesn't try to convince me . . . . he's a typical teenager.
I just can't get over how many people think it's okay to turn other people's children into property and then use them as masturbatory aids. Just....why do you think that's okay? The groups that help people get out of Media have been really clear about how exploitative it is and about how many of the "actors" actually aren't "legal" when they start, and how much drug abuse goes on to facilitate what they're doing. And by being a consumer, you consent to all that and say it's acceptable. And you want to actively teach that to your child.
I'm sure you wouldn't want your own children to become Media actors, but you think it's perfectly fine for someone else's children to degrade themselves so you can get off. Gross.
I don't take issue with thread drifts or insisting that a school nurse stick to the script.
It was how personal experience with Media was being used to defend Media as okay for teens (statements like he used to look at Media and he's fine, another about Media curiosity not being big of a deal etc) and my point was that those experiences were irrelevant to today's teens and today's internet/social media.
I don't take issue with thread drifts or insisting that a school nurse stick to the script.
It was how personal experience with Media was being used to defend Media as okay for teens (statements like he used to look at Media and he's fine, another about Media curiosity not being big of a deal etc) and my point was that those experiences were irrelevant to today's teens and today's internet/social media.
You're losing me a little here. We're discussing personal opinions and sharing what we are basing those opinions on. The world does change, but we can't decide opinions are irrelevant and choose to have none just because of that.
Libby1987
3,726 Posts
I don't have an opinion on Media for other adults, but if OP had that discussion with my sons it would be a non-issue for me because I agree that there is content out there (that isn't filtered) that isn't good for their developing attitudes about girls/women or sex.
For me it'd be about the same as a math teacher telling the class that they shouldn't ever eat refined sugars. Not the math teacher's job nor does refined sugar need to be banned outright for everyone but I'm not going to make an issue out of it even if my kid's sugar intake isn't generally seen as excessive. I don't think my kid is going to develop an eating disorder because of it.
..and then a thread on it turns to omg I'm fit and healthy in spite of my sugar intake, don't screw up the kids' attitudes about sugar.. Oh and my husband says I make the BEST cookies ever!!
Disclaimer I like both but I have the maturity most of the time to manage it.