I asked the boys, about 40 of them, aged from 16-18 if they'd ever watched Media, and they all laughed.
'Shall I take that as a yes?' I asked, and there were further chuckles and nodding heads all round.
You see, as the school nurse, I'd been asked to talk to the senior boys about 'sex and all that sort of stuff.' With such vague guidelines, I chose to talk about an area that has been coming an ever increasing concern.
'Do you like it?' I asked, and no one said outright they liked it.
'Do you think it's healthy or harmful?' They all said it's harmless, because the participants were consenting adults. So I asked them what's their favorite type of Media, and the answers were varied, although hot young blondes, and horny teens topped the list of favorites.
'Was that 'horny teen' legal?' I asked, and the laughter died away. They'd never thought of that before, they'd also never thought of sex-slavery, but now wasn't the right time to talk about that, as I felt they would stop listening if I started lecturing.
Although Ivan, one of the Russian lads raised his hand in protest. 'But sir, I only watch **** Media.' The room erupted, and the merits of **** Media were briefly discussed. I decided to get personal.
I asked them to raise their if they wanted to get married and have kids one day, and they all raised their hands.
'So what age is it okay for your son to watch Media?' They paused, giving it serious thought, before generally deciding that around 14yrs old is good.
'And what age is it okay for your daughter to watch Media?' I was greeted with silence.
No one wanted their daughter to ever watch Media, because deep inside of them, they know Media is not good, and they know it is degrading to women, regardless of consent.
We talked about other things, from relationship to STD's, but only briefly, because there's only so much you can teach them in one-off, one hour session.
But I wasn't there to lecture them, but hopefully to get them to think.
This topic is about teens, not your adult sex life or what your husband likes, that could be another thread if anyone wants to start it but really pretty irrelevant to 14 yr old boys who in general don't discern well between special effects and normal expectations or legit Media and exploitive Media.
This topic is also about healthy sex practice, relationships, and my opinion, the relationships of adults set examples for the teens they raise.
Dial up access at 14? Cell phone? Lap top? He didn't have the crazy access OP's group has right now. How is his experience at all relevant to youth's current widespread access to Internet Media?
You can't even compare the experience of a teen who had a flip phone with that of a kid with a smart phone.
Because before the Internet, there was the pile of magazines and videos hidden in mom and dad's closet. Media is Media, and if you didn't have direct access as a kid, your friends sure did, and they were probably totally okay with sharing. At least, where I grew up they were.
Why do you refuse to stay on topic? OP isn't about men and their sex lives who were 14 in 1999.
To be honest, I'm not entirely certain I did get what the OP was actually about. I do think the thread ran its course, though. I do ask, is there more that you hoped to discuss, that wasn't? If so, bring it up. Threads ebb and flow. It's what they do.
Yes. The way the thread has gone apples from oranges.
The fact is, (I'm pretty sure it's a fact) we don't yet know the impact of today's early teens' access (and please stop comparing it to magazines and VHS, you know there's a reason for parental control way with anything Internet/media beyond the concern of magazines between the mattresses or one over viewed tape ).
One discussion from a non relative male to boys asking them to think about how'd they feel if.. is unlikely to eff them up. Especially when our culture doesnt support the OP's view in the first place.
Now if OP has told those boys they were undesirable POS if they didn't match up to what was seen in the media, than I'd be furious because our media and advertising culture backs that up. Just like telling a girl she doesn't measure up. THAT could be damaging.
But you guys are saying OP could have effed up these boys' sexual attitude by asking them to think about something that isn't reinforced all around us.
I think OC has a one year old boy? OP couldn't make a dent in her husband's influence on her boy, it's too powerful and ingrained, good or bad. All OP could do is get him to think of one aspect with one fleeting sliver of influence. That won't undo or repair one's psychological health.
Yes. The way the thread has gone apples from oranges.
The fact is, (I'm pretty sure it's a fact) we don't yet know the impact of today's early teens' access (and please stop comparing it to magazines and VHS, you know there's a reason for parental control way with anything Internet/media beyond the concern of magazines between the mattresses or one over viewed tape ).
One discussion from a non relative male to boys asking them to think about how'd they feel if.. is unlikely to eff them up. Especially when our culture doesnt support the OP's view in the first place.
Now if OP has told those boys they were undesirable POS if they didn't match up to what was seen in the media, than I'd be furious because our media and advertising culture backs that up. Just like telling a girl she doesn't measure up. THAT could be damaging.
But you guys are saying OP could have effed up these boys' sexual attitude by asking them to think about something that isn't reinforced all around us.
I think OC has a one year old boy? OP couldn't make a dent in her husband's influence on her boy, it's too powerful and ingrained, good or bad. All OP could do is get him to think of one aspect with one fleeting sliver of influence. That won't undo or repair one's psychological health.
The impression that I get from the nay Sayers is more that the conversation was simply inappropriate. It wasn't conducive to a sex ed "class". The spin off discussion about Mediaography in general is applicable because underneath the OP's general feeling that the boys viewed girls watching Media as amoral. Do we, personally, find Media amoral? And is gender relevant? There is massive area there for discussion and that's how we got wrapped up in it. I don't think many posters here thought that the boys of the OP were somehow ruined, but that doesn't mean the topic was appropriate. I could tell a dirty joke at work, and it wouldn't destroy the morality of those around me, but it would not be appropriate.
Regarding the Internet - yes, there is far more instant access to far more controversial, dangerous sexual acts. This is where vigilance by parents is important. We can't shield them forever, though. We can moderately control what they see on our devices, computers, whatever. We can't control what their friends expose them to. As parents, we sign that contract at birth. It sucks. We have to do our best when we have a captive audience so that when our kids decide they're smarter than us, they still have our nagging voices in the backs of their heads.
ixchel
4,547 Posts
This topic is also about healthy sex practice, relationships, and my opinion, the relationships of adults set examples for the teens they raise.
Also, OP has given up on this thread, I believe.