Relationships Ruined by Nursing...

Published

I honestly do not believe that my relationship will survive as my fiance is extremely unsupportive of anything and everything--maybe I am just a little too mad here. This may be a bit of an odd question, but to all those who are in hospitals, is their a pool or eligible MEN (hospital staff) who understand and can relate to the hours and stresses? I just do not want to put up with constant and incessant complaining about nursing school and eventually the hours that I will work as a Nurse by someone who has no clue what he is talking about.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in EMS, ER, GI, PCU/Telemetry.

male nurses are great, lol. i am madly in love with my murse. we met at work during a code. :)

im sorry things arent working out for you and your fiance. nursing school is super stressful and it puts a strain on everything, including the stongest of relationships... but honestly, once you graduate, you feel like this amazing weight lifted off your shoulders and you feel like you've become a human being again, lol.

my advice is to work hard and become a nurse and if your fiance doesn't support you, then it wasn't meant to be. don't give up on your dream. i wish you the best.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Do you want to spend your life with someone who is extremely unsupportive of anything and everything?? Or do you want to have a life filled with joy and closeness, because of being supported in all that you dream of? Marriage really doesn't make things better... if he is this way now, he will probably continue down that road...do you want to be along for the ride?? Nursing is hard enough without having to come home to emotional bad weather all the time... Find yourself... find the wonderful, smart, beautiful you that deserves the special care that the right person can give you.... Nursing school will change you, and make you stronger, and it's nice to have a partner that can appreciate a strong, compassionate person.

I'm talking from experience, so I felt that if I can help someone else escape what I went through, it will be a good thing... My ex was just like your fiance... and when I finished nursing school, he said he never dreamed what a "monster" I would become. Because I learned to set limits, say no, and have my own opinions, he couldn't deal with it, and I suffered his disapproval for 10 years. Now, I have a husband who is proud of me, thinks I am very smart and a VERY good nurse, and when I talk to him, he really listens... So please, dear heart, think carefully... Engaged is not married, it's not the final step. Follow your heart and your instincts, and choose a life in which you will be happy and fulfilled in every way...

Best,

Janet

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ICU/Critical Care.

If he can't support you in what you are doing now, what makes you think he will support you down the road when you are married. To me he sounds like a big baby who wants all your attention and for the wrong reasons. He should be happy that he is with a woman who wants to be educated but some guys are afraid of educated women. If it was me in your situation, there would be no engagement. Perhaps some couples therapy is in order for you both.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

You are fortunate to find out now--before the wedding--what kind of person your fiance is. If he's unsupportive during the courtship, don't expect his disposition or his expectations to change after you sign on the dotted line.

If you aren't together now on something so important, I would definitely not go any further in the relationship until and unless you find a way to be united in your spirits. Whatever matters greatly to one of you should matter greatly to both of you just because it involves your significant other. If that mutual caring and support isn't there, your chances for a successful marriage are slim to none.

Hold out for the one who treasures you and wants the best for you (whether it's this guy with a new attitude or someone else entirely). You'll be glad you did.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

It isn't just nursing school that does this to men, its an educated woman that seems to pose a "threat" to some men.

I went to college before I went to NS. I can't tell you the number of boyfriends (and a husband too, for that matter) I threw overboard because they had to be number 1 all the time and couldn't understand the value I placed on MY education (it was Ok for them to put me on the back burner for whatever silly reason). I am SO glad I did what I needed to do for myself. I don't regret any of it for one second.

It sounds selfish but this IS important to YOU. A loving relationship is give and take and support.

This problem is not about you. Its about him. Do what you need to do for yourself, for your education and your happiness.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ICU/ER.

Take a step back emotionally right now and get through school. The stresses of nursing school are only something other students and nurses can relate too. I remember my husband saying "Nursing is 1 and everything else is after that" or "I didnt sign up for nursing school-how come it is effecting my life" or " I dont care if you have a text tomorrow, I need XYZ done". I swear I had a divorce plan in place the last 2 years of school.

Then once I began orientation at work it was the same thing...but you know what, after about 6 months,. I relaxed, I actually had some nice pay checks coming in so that eased the financial stress and now, things are fine, really fine.

So my advice and please take it to heart is just bite your tounge, smile if need be and get through it.

Part of the problem I am sure is he is jealouse as something besides him is consuming you right now...if you think about it, he really is about #4 or #5 on your list of priorities and I sure a part of him is thinking he is losing you to nursing.

Best of luck--it will get better, I promise.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ICU, CCU, ED.

What amazes me the most about your question is the reply posts. It sure seems as if you are getting plenty of advice to dump this guy before any wedding or anything like that....why not just slow things down a bit. Nursing school for me was extremely stressful and not every bad situation was my ex's fault...yes I am now divorced...but not because of nursing. I guess I would suggest you search your own heart...do you love this guy? Is he willing to sit down and talk with you about your feelings and situation? At your age there can still be a lot of learning to be had about relationships...not that you dont' already know a lot...but the one thing you do know is how you feel and that is what is important. Are you putting up your post because you want someone to tell you that it is OK to leave this guy? Is this someone you have known for only a few months or maybe a year? There are so many questions to give you a good answer but in all reality the only true answer you can have is inside of you..and from nobody else...nobody knows but you how you feel...land you don't need anyone to give you the answer to this question.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

one of the most unattractive things in the world is a partner who is unsupportive... remember that an unsupportive partner will be a BANE to anyone REGARDLESS of what career he/she is in

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Well good for you for at least being aware of some warning signs of trouble to come. Most people ignore the warning signs before the marriage then act disappointed after the marriage.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

wow, it's so nice for someone to bring this up...

my bf and i, we met on our first year in college, worked our way through nursing school together, and graduated together and now we're both RNs. But since he started working in ICU, he's somehow different...like he's always irritable and does not want me around. I dont know why he still has energy to start fights with me when he always tells me he's tired. Me, when I'm tired I don't have the energy to drama anymore. I would rather go to sleep.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Breast Cancer, Arterial, General Surgery.

My mum (incredibly wise woman that she was) said about my fiance, "if he is as selfish and unsupportive as he is now, he'll be three times worse when you are married."

Guess what .... she was right. I divorced him.

Get rid of the git.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Join the Discussion