Regret becoming a nurse....

[cocoa_puff]

I've been struggling a lot recently and would appreciate any support, advice, analysis, or comments you all have. So I started working as a nurse 6 months ago, went thru a great orientation, had awesome preceptors, and have been on my own for about 3 months. I've been miserable for about 5 months. In nursing school, I wanted to be an ICU nurse, then a nursing educator, CRNA, and then NP. I currently work on a cardiac step-down unit, 12hr day shift, usually have 5-6 patients with lots of discharges, procedures, admissions throughout the day. I work with a great team, great managers, feel supported, I'm doing well with time management/critical thinking, but I hate, hate, hate being a nurse. I worked as a CNA for 2 years all throughout nursing school, and I saw and experienced a lot, but did not actually realize how difficult nursing is....not until I actually became a nurse. I think it's a common consensus that nursing school does not prepare nursing students for the realities of modern day healthcare, but I did work as a CNA and shadowed many nurses throughout nursing school but the horrific reality was never real to me until now.

But why do I hate nursing so much? Honestly, my heart is just not in it. Externally I act like I care, while internally feel nothing for (most of) my patients, I just feel like a robot just clicking boxes and checking things off my list. My patients reportedly love me, but I honestly can't see why. I want to do a good job of course, I advocate for my patients, educate them, clean them up, toilet them, get them what they need....but I dread every shift. I hate small talk, dealing with angry families, waiting on entitled drug addicts who abuse the system over and over again, I HATE the crazy selfish families who insist on keeping the 87 year old CHF, COPD, stage IV renal failure, stage 3 pressure sores, trached, PEG tubed, nursing home patient FULL CODE. I hate the liability, the possibility and uncertainty of anything happening. I hate being the one responsible for everything! When trays are late, food is cold or patients dislike their meal, meds haven't been sent from pharmacy, dietary wants the patient on a diet but needs me to contact the doctor for the order, rehab works the patient too hard and the patient complains, the doctor didn't explain something to the patient well enough, endo canceled the procedure, cardiology didn't look at the patient's EKG and the hospitalist wants to know why, the TV stopped working, the RT took the patient's CPAP machine for some reason - and guess who gets blamed??

Anytime something goes wrong, guess whose fault it is? Yep, that's me, the RN

I didn't go through school and graduate with a 4.0 for this. I have my own mountain of nursing stuff to do, which I also hate doing, without constantly being interrupted to deal with constant issues. I really hate being a nurse, with the exception of my elderly 90 year old confused dementia patients, who I love. I wish I could sit with them my whole shift and just chat, but I could do that as a volunteer. I honestly just hate my role as a nurse, I hate my role in healthcare. I'm everyone's punching bag. I dislike the acuity on my floor, so I know I won't like ICU. I also feel that nursing does not have the hard science aspect I wished it had, it's more social science which I do not like as much.

So whether or not you read that rant, I just wanted to say that I'm planning to leave the nursing profession. After looking through job postings for nurses, I found one or two positions I would be interested in, and I would need 3-5 years of experience doing what I hate to get there. So it's back to school I go....something science/laboratory related, without patient contact. I would like to volunteer at a nursing home with dementia patients doing crafts or something. I no longer want to be a NP or CRNA, if I can't even handle the acuity and responsibility of being an RN. And while I love teaching, I don't want to spread my negative attitude toward nursing to the students if I became a nurse educator. Anyway, I don't have the experience for either of those advanced roles. I can't see myself continuing in nursing and being miserable for years and years. But please, don't think this is me bashing the nursing profession, I just don't think I can do this anymore personally. Nurses, thank you all for everything you do!!!!

~ Cocoa_puff

P.S. sorry this was long! I had a lot on my mind.

[cocoa_puff]

I really appreciate everyone's input! Writing this out really made me feel better and it has been great to read all the helpful comments :)

[cocoa_puff]

You are suffering from reality shock. It'll wear off after awhile. Nursing is just a JOB. Most people do not love their JOB.

YOU happen to have a degree you can do many things with. Stick it out for that golden one year of experience, I promise you.. many doors will open.

Reality shock is a great way to put it...I think I must just be in a place right now where I don't see any possibility or future for myself in nursing. And I've been told I'm doing well for a new nurse, but I just don't like it at all, if that makes sense? I'll try to hold on for 6 more months. Although most of the jobs I find interesting want much more than 1 year, they want 3-5 years of experience. I think I might like doing insurance, outpatient endoscopy, or maybe IV therapy...but I don't think I'll be qualified even after 1 year, what do you think?

Thank you for your help, I appreciate it! :)

[cocoa_puff]

Cocoa puffs,

re. meds: what prevents you to: 1) learn about them, so you know which have to be left in a fridge and which has to be locked up, 2) get friendly with pharm folks so that they would explain you how the system works, because they have one, and, trust me, it was designed with the same purpose of safety first; and, at last, 3) speak with other nurses, and if meds really tend to be randomly drop all over, then speak with the Powers?

Reg. charting.... well, on your day off go Google and find list of nurses disciplined by BON in your, or any other, state. See how many of them got there because of poor charting... I bet there will be none.

With time, you'll figure out what is important to chart and what is not. But for now, it is clear that you have to get out of the acuity level you just not feeling to be comfortable with.

Katie,

About the meds from pharmacy, usually the ones they send up are either specialty meds, medication specific for a patient, IV antibiotics/cardizem/iron/protonix, or insulin pens for patients....those could end up anywhere from the patient med box in one of the four pyxis, the tube system containers, the counter at the nurses' station, the small med container behind the nurses' station, or one of the patient cubbies (not always the correct one). Sometimes I think pharmacy puts the med in the wrong spot, sometimes another nurse or secretary puts the med in the wrong place, or maybe I'm not looking in the right place...but it can be incredibly time consuming and often a waste of time to have to look everywhere for a patient's specific medication. I work on a really big unit (65 single patient rooms), so there are a lot of places to look. We are suppose to look in every possible place before calling pharmacy for a missing med. I actually get along really well with pharmacy, but I find this system to be very frustrating.

And it's more that I worry about being involved in a law-suit, and not having the documentation to back it up. I do worry about being sued a lot. I also think a less acute environment would benefit me, but I don't know how to approach my managers about it....

[cleback]

I felt the same way.

Honestly, give it a year. In the meantime, try to feel out which physician and pharmacists lIke to teach. Ask questions about meds and pathophysiology and become as knowledgeable as you can. Keep up on the literature. If you can educate patients about their disease process well, I bet that will add enjoyment for you (not all patients want that in depth information but some will). If you can also discuss best practices and new developments with the staff on your floor, that will also make the other things more bearable.

Just some ways to survive. If you're still miserable after a year, then move on. Best of luck.

[Workitinurfava, BSN, RN]

Sound like you had a really rough day. I'd be lying if I said it will get easier because that won't happen but what will happen is you will get harder. You will get harder so that you can adapt and continue working the bedside. Hopefully you will find peace.

[Neurotic Student]

It was either my second to the last year or final year of nursing school that I had thought of quitting. After I got a lecture from a nursing school friend, I decided not to. Now 7 months into my first acute hospital job, I once again thought of quitting. It started from a small fantasy to a serious deliberation of quitting. Not only quitting my job, but quitting nursing. Nursing kinda makes me want to have a job where I won't be stuck with a patient for 12 hours for 3 consecutive days in a row. When I have a terrible group, it makes me dread going into work more than I already do.

I called some family and friends, some of them told me to quit and some told me to stick it for a year. I'm going to try to last a few more months. After all, that's all I need to make a year. The place I work at has nice, supportive people too. I find it kinda sad that I'm leaving because I can't handle the demands/stressors of the job rather than bullying. I would feel less ashamed and guilty if I was leaving for being bullied instead.

I worked psych for 2 years, so I may go back into that. I loved the people I worked with and the teamwork we had to put in. It's far less stressful. I want to go back t o psychbut I haven't explored other kinds of nursing either, and I'm afraid that if I venture into another type of job, it'll be another that I hate again.

[Been there,done that, ASN, RN]

Reality shock is a great way to put it...I think I must just be in a place right now where I don't see any possibility or future for myself in nursing. And I've been told I'm doing well for a new nurse, but I just don't like it at all, if that makes sense? I'll try to hold on for 6 more months. Although most of the jobs I find interesting want much more than 1 year, they want 3-5 years of experience. I think I might like doing insurance, outpatient endoscopy, or maybe IV therapy...but I don't think I'll be qualified even after 1 year, what do you think?

Thank you for your help, I appreciate it! :)

At 6 months in, you really don't know WHAT you might like. You only know that floor nursing is really difficult. Put in your time, keep your head down and your eyes open. Make CONTACTS.

You don't need to quit nursing or get additional education. Work with what you've GOT.

[FolksBtrippin, BSN, RN]

I'm in my last semester of school. I'm 40 years old with lots of life experience, and I'm often surprised by what I love and hate in new things I try.

I decided to go to nursing school even though i had a successful small business.

Why? Because I wanted to do more in the field (alternative health, wellness, mental health overlap), and the people who were doing the most around me were NURSES.

I never even really thought about the hospital before school. Isn't that funny? The nurses I ran into were other business owners, C.O.O.s, etc. And they were the best.

Being the nurse in the hospital, and having all that responsibility (that's what's getting you down) prepares you to do SO MUCH.

You can pretty much do anything you are interested in as a nurse. Does that sound crazy? It's really not.

Sticking it out for a year will not be so bad if you start working on your plan.

I agree with the PP who said that you don't need more school at this point.

You can do the stuff you want to do as a nurse.

Start looking into research nurse, dementia unit, and anything else that strikes your fancy. Work on developing a vision for your future job.

You can apply to the 3-5 years exp jobs at 1 year, just start working on your angle. Get your hospital to send you to the classes and trainings that apply to that field. Look for shadow opportunities, build yourself up. The time will pass quickly this way.

Good luck!

[NotMyProblem MSN, ASN, BSN, MSN, LPN, RN]

Until you figure out what you want to do, hang in there another six months or so and then, try to go PRN. No benefit there, but the pay and flexibility (freedom to set your own hours) gets you away from the bedside until you want to go in. I do no more than three shifts in a pay period, but I try to keep it at once a week on a weekend night because it pays more with the shift and weekend differentials.

That gives me more than enough to pay the bills and have peace of mind. When I'm contemplating beach time or cruising, I'll bite the bullet and sign up for more shifts for no more than two pay periods. This is the only way I can stay in the field until a final way out lands in my lap.

[Graduatenurse14]

I think we work the same hospital! SO much gets put on the nurses- way too much! I was a CNA while in school at the bigger and better competitor, that is also Magnet, across town. I dealt with a lot of the BS while the nurses could nurse. The culture of that hospital and the job descriptions were held to that higher standard. It was so much better for patients and the nurses as well. It was truly shocking to get a job at this hospital as a first-time nurse and see the stark differences. I still think my coworkers who don't know anything else still don't totally believe me when I tell them the differences.

We have fairly high turnover due to the working conditions of the nurses. After two years, I am looking for another job. Maybe Geri-Psych would be a choice for you? Good luck!!

[cyc0sys]

I completely understand how you feel. Although I'm at a different end of the spectrum, I do feel like it's Front Line Infantry of some Human Health Care Factory Farm. The only thing nursing school really prepared me for was not quitting when things get really tough. As a student of life, I know change is inevitable but no always right around the corner. Everyone has to start somewhere though. Nothing worth doing is ever easy. "Tough times never last, but tough people do." ~Robert H. Schuller

[Workitinurfava, BSN, RN]

Psych RN?, and I say this because the patients are involved in doing a lot of crafts and activities. You would not have to be a bedside nurse.