Regret becoming a nurse....

Nurses General Nursing

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I've been struggling a lot recently and would appreciate any support, advice, analysis, or comments you all have. So I started working as a nurse 6 months ago, went thru a great orientation, had awesome preceptors, and have been on my own for about 3 months. I've been miserable for about 5 months. In nursing school, I wanted to be an ICU nurse, then a nursing educator, CRNA, and then NP. I currently work on a cardiac step-down unit, 12hr day shift, usually have 5-6 patients with lots of discharges, procedures, admissions throughout the day. I work with a great team, great managers, feel supported, I'm doing well with time management/critical thinking, but I hate, hate, hate being a nurse. I worked as a CNA for 2 years all throughout nursing school, and I saw and experienced a lot, but did not actually realize how difficult nursing is....not until I actually became a nurse. I think it's a common consensus that nursing school does not prepare nursing students for the realities of modern day healthcare, but I did work as a CNA and shadowed many nurses throughout nursing school but the horrific reality was never real to me until now.

But why do I hate nursing so much? Honestly, my heart is just not in it. Externally I act like I care, while internally feel nothing for (most of) my patients, I just feel like a robot just clicking boxes and checking things off my list. My patients reportedly love me, but I honestly can't see why. I want to do a good job of course, I advocate for my patients, educate them, clean them up, toilet them, get them what they need....but I dread every shift. I hate small talk, dealing with angry families, waiting on entitled drug addicts who abuse the system over and over again, I HATE the crazy selfish families who insist on keeping the 87 year old CHF, COPD, stage IV renal failure, stage 3 pressure sores, trached, PEG tubed, nursing home patient FULL CODE. I hate the liability, the possibility and uncertainty of anything happening. I hate being the one responsible for everything! When trays are late, food is cold or patients dislike their meal, meds haven't been sent from pharmacy, dietary wants the patient on a diet but needs me to contact the doctor for the order, rehab works the patient too hard and the patient complains, the doctor didn't explain something to the patient well enough, endo canceled the procedure, cardiology didn't look at the patient's EKG and the hospitalist wants to know why, the TV stopped working, the RT took the patient's CPAP machine for some reason - and guess who gets blamed??

Anytime something goes wrong, guess whose fault it is? Yep, that's me, the RN :mad:

I didn't go through school and graduate with a 4.0 for this. I have my own mountain of nursing stuff to do, which I also hate doing, without constantly being interrupted to deal with constant issues. I really hate being a nurse, with the exception of my elderly 90 year old confused dementia patients, who I love. I wish I could sit with them my whole shift and just chat, but I could do that as a volunteer. I honestly just hate my role as a nurse, I hate my role in healthcare. I'm everyone's punching bag. I dislike the acuity on my floor, so I know I won't like ICU. I also feel that nursing does not have the hard science aspect I wished it had, it's more social science which I do not like as much.

So whether or not you read that rant, I just wanted to say that I'm planning to leave the nursing profession. After looking through job postings for nurses, I found one or two positions I would be interested in, and I would need 3-5 years of experience doing what I hate to get there. So it's back to school I go....something science/laboratory related, without patient contact. I would like to volunteer at a nursing home with dementia patients doing crafts or something. I no longer want to be a NP or CRNA, if I can't even handle the acuity and responsibility of being an RN. And while I love teaching, I don't want to spread my negative attitude toward nursing to the students if I became a nurse educator. Anyway, I don't have the experience for either of those advanced roles. I can't see myself continuing in nursing and being miserable for years and years. But please, don't think this is me bashing the nursing profession, I just don't think I can do this anymore personally. Nurses, thank you all for everything you do!!!!

~ Cocoa_puff

P.S. sorry this was long! I had a lot on my mind.

Specializes in Ambulatory Care, Rheumatology.
cocoa_puff, RN Working as a CNA made me realized I never wanted to work on a Traditional "Floor". You have SO many options my dear.Finding a less stressful part time gig with health benefits as you are doing PRN ( less stressful location) somewhere else...could that work? I thought I would have to some sort of Healthcare related job as my first side gig, not true. Building a Brand in Care Coordination EPS 187 | RN FM RADIO.
Specializes in Vascular Access.

I didn't read the other comments but I'll just say that nursing is hardest in the beginning. If you stick it out a little longer you might find a more comfortable place in your practice. I am no longer a bedside nurse. In fact, I would become nauseated at the thought of returning to the bedside. I worked very hard to specialize in a specialty that I absolutely love. Nursing has been very good to me but at the same time I can realize that not everyone has enjoyed the opportunities that I have. I'm just saying that Nursing is very broad and there are jobs you can perform that don't involve bedside care. Look at the options, I'd hate to see anyone waste all that education and money just to do something else. And just as an afterthought, administrative type people just might want you to be a "robot." I'm becoming more convinced that they're more concerned with task oriented, check list, scripting, type care rather than true caring care. GO HCAHPS!

Hi,

Speaking as a long term nurse, I just want to reinforce what others have said, that you are partly going through reality shock. I have seen it with new nurses before. That being said, it is a broad profession, and you have many options coming up. For example, I did legal nursing, and loved it. Travel nursing, airlifting patients. Take some time to explore what you might really be happy doing.

then give yourself a break, sounds like you are doing a good job despite all the stress of being a new nurse, which in itself is a big stress. Hugs

You can be a desk nurse...paperwork and very minimal patient interaction. Nursing is a broad profession. It's not just strictly hospital.

I've been a nurse for a very long time. At first and even now if I change jobs it feels over whelming. To learn anything new is at first a little overwhelming. Especially if you take into account all that we as nurses are expected to be responsible for. Don't beat yourself up. It is a hard job and we do all want to do a great job. But with that being said we do have a huge amount of external factors pushing on us that have nothing to do with the task of being a nurse. Sometimes those are what make people hate nursing. Just try to think of nursing as your safe haven. An alternate universe that you are the ruler of. You are responsible for your 5 patient's and whatever goes on with their family situation you decide if it affects your patient positively==keep, negatively==nip it in the butt. Remember this is your universe and you are in control. those are YOUR babies, at least for that shift. Protect them at all cost. Be in love with nursing and caring for those patient's, don't sweat the small stuff. Stuff you cannot control, just let it go. If you need to take a minute in the bathroom to yourself, walk away. I'm sure so many older nurses have been in your shoes and felt over whelmed and still at times feel overwhelmed. We come in not knowing what to expect and you never know when someone is going to code and die on you. Our job is very serious and very stressful. I take it very serious. After work leave it at the door. You are now leaving your alternate universe and returning to your regular life of just a plain old mom, dad, sister, brother,etc. Relax. have a class of wine, take a bubble bath. Reward yourself often. You are worth it. I have had many wonderful years of nursing. I have been attacked by several patient's working in a very high acuity ICu setting. It's ok, they did not know what they were doing because they were sick. you have to tell yourself that you are their saving grace when they are at their lowest, sickest, weakest point in life. what happens in the hospital stays in the hospital. Make it something you love. If it's not what you love find something else. If you want to stay in nursing but not at bedside you have many option. Nursing is a very diverse field with so much room for growth and advancement. You can be whatever you want. Life is too short to be unhappy. sit down and decide what you want, what will ultimately make YOU happy and go for it. If it's nursing, stay if not find what makes your heart happy. I know nursing is my calling and I love it. It challenges me and I have grown as a person so much. give it some time. You may feel the same way. It's hard for all of us at first. So is anything. Good luck in whatever you decide.

Nursing is very broad. Have you considered areas such as public health or school nursing? Have you considered working for the military? They use civilian and military nurses in many unique areas. These are just a couple of many areas available.

Felt similar way after working medsurg for 1.5 years. Moved to the ICU and it made a huge difference in how I felt as a nurse. I felt more empowered and in control. I still deal with what you mentioned but it gets to me less then before. Perhaps because were a locked unit with

Maybe you could use a change of scenery? In my experience smaller hospitals in areas where you can know everyone on the schedule and the docs through the hospital are the best. I moved to a smaller hospital with similar capabilities but love it more for the closeness of people and the family atmosphere versus not knowing half people you work with. In summary I believe it helps with the whole being a nurse and liking your job.

I've been struggling a lot recently and would appreciate any support, advice, analysis, or comments you all have. So I started working as a nurse 6 months ago, went thru a great orientation, had awesome preceptors, and have been on my own for about 3 months. I've been miserable for about 5 months. In nursing school, I wanted to be an ICU nurse, then a nursing educator, CRNA, and then NP. I currently work on a cardiac step-down unit, 12hr day shift, usually have 5-6 patients with lots of discharges, procedures, admissions throughout the day. I work with a great team, great managers, feel supported, I'm doing well with time management/critical thinking, but I hate, hate, hate being a nurse. I worked as a CNA for 2 years all throughout nursing school, and I saw and experienced a lot, but did not actually realize how difficult nursing is....not until I actually became a nurse. I think it's a common consensus that nursing school does not prepare nursing students for the realities of modern day healthcare, but I did work as a CNA and shadowed many nurses throughout nursing school but the horrific reality was never real to me until now.

But why do I hate nursing so much? Honestly, my heart is just not in it. Externally I act like I care, while internally feel nothing for (most of) my patients, I just feel like a robot just clicking boxes and checking things off my list. My patients reportedly love me, but I honestly can't see why. I want to do a good job of course, I advocate for my patients, educate them, clean them up, toilet them, get them what they need....but I dread every shift. I hate small talk, dealing with angry families, waiting on entitled drug addicts who abuse the system over and over again, I HATE the crazy selfish families who insist on keeping the 87 year old CHF, COPD, stage IV renal failure, stage 3 pressure sores, trached, PEG tubed, nursing home patient FULL CODE. I hate the liability, the possibility and uncertainty of anything happening. I hate being the one responsible for everything! When trays are late, food is cold or patients dislike their meal, meds haven't been sent from pharmacy, dietary wants the patient on a diet but needs me to contact the doctor for the order, rehab works the patient too hard and the patient complains, the doctor didn't explain something to the patient well enough, endo canceled the procedure, cardiology didn't look at the patient's EKG and the hospitalist wants to know why, the TV stopped working, the RT took the patient's CPAP machine for some reason - and guess who gets blamed??

Anytime something goes wrong, guess whose fault it is? Yep, that's me, the RN :mad:

I didn't go through school and graduate with a 4.0 for this. I have my own mountain of nursing stuff to do, which I also hate doing, without constantly being interrupted to deal with constant issues. I really hate being a nurse, with the exception of my elderly 90 year old confused dementia patients, who I love. I wish I could sit with them my whole shift and just chat, but I could do that as a volunteer. I honestly just hate my role as a nurse, I hate my role in healthcare. I'm everyone's punching bag. I dislike the acuity on my floor, so I know I won't like ICU. I also feel that nursing does not have the hard science aspect I wished it had, it's more social science which I do not like as much.

So whether or not you read that rant, I just wanted to say that I'm planning to leave the nursing profession. After looking through job postings for nurses, I found one or two positions I would be interested in, and I would need 3-5 years of experience doing what I hate to get there. So it's back to school I go....something science/laboratory related, without patient contact. I would like to volunteer at a nursing home with dementia patients doing crafts or something. I no longer want to be a NP or CRNA, if I can't even handle the acuity and responsibility of being an RN. And while I love teaching, I don't want to spread my negative attitude toward nursing to the students if I became a nurse educator. Anyway, I don't have the experience for either of those advanced roles. I can't see myself continuing in nursing and being miserable for years and years. But please, don't think this is me bashing the nursing profession, I just don't think I can do this anymore personally. Nurses, thank you all for everything you do!!!!

~ Cocoa_puff

P.S. sorry this was long! I had a lot on my mind.

Cocoa,

There are MANY comments and so far the ones I have read contained some solid advice. I too would like to echo the sentiment that what you are feeling is NORMAL. I can't think of the theorist that talks about the stages of nurse psychological development. Benner talks about professional development but I can't remember who talks about the mental stuff. Basically you are at the stage where the realism of the job is hitting you. I have to admit that can lead to some rough days and make it hard to get up in the morning. I don't think you should make any permanent decisions just yet. I know it probably sounds ridiculous right now, but you should wait about 6 more months before making any final decisions. I say that because it is typically around the year mark where one really starts to flow develop a rhythm and confidence. Then you can accurately decide if the job is for you or not. Don't make a permanent choice to give up your license while you are in the hardest days.

Further, there are many things you can do as an RN including research. Start to look beyond call lights and ungrateful people. Compared to medicine, nursing is a very young profession and rapidly changing. Is there something you can do to develop the profession in the areas you like? Why can't you function as a nurse working with Alzheimer patients? Can you perhaps start your own home care business for these kinds of patients one day? Just throwing some things out there.

I too have found myself rationalizing that it is just a job and not really a profession. You will see many people thinking the same here on allnurses venting those frustrations. Remind yourself that is not really true and can really downplay just how important we are to healthcare. Don't devalue your work! What we do is valuable. Keep your head up!

Cocoa-puff...

boy! You have a lot to say and make some very good points...do you like to write? Because your letter was very well written.

sounds like you landed in a very busy unit with lots of responsibility and a lot of support...

what I found in the last 10 years of my job in a busy hospital... Nursing has become very TASK oriented... And that is my understatement of the year! Hang in there for the full year, and look at other nursing options,,, teaching.... WRITING,

would I choose nursing if I had to do it over again? I don't know... I know it was a mistake to stay as long as I did...

best wishes, you are very bright, very motivated and a little OCD... 4.0 in nursing school? Good job! But if you want to do a 4.0 job every day at work, staff nursing might not deliver the satisfaction... You might die trying though....

In hindsight I would have found a job that gave me more time with family and friends over the years. Weekends and mandatory OT tend to take a tole on everyone.

Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
You are suffering from reality shock. It'll wear off after awhile. Nursing is just a JOB. Most people do not love their JOB.

YOU happen to have a degree you can do many things with. Stick it out for that golden one year of experience, I promise you.. many doors will open.

I mostly agree. Most new grads suffer from reality shock to some degree, and most get over it as they progress in their first jobs. I hated nursing, profoundly regretted ever taking the job and was looking for the fast track out of it. I went back to school and got a graduate degree in another field, but something strange happened to me when I wasn't paying attention: I fell in love with my job. When I had the graduate degree in my hand, I didn't want to leave nursing after all.

Give nursing at least a year -- it takes that long for it all to "click."

If your favorite part of your job is sitting with a 90 year old dementia patient, consider memory care or LTC. It is a job I could never do, but as the daughter and daughter-in-law of dementia patients, I cannot say enough about how valuable nurses who want to do that job truly are. The nurses who cared for my mother were wonderful, and I am grateful for the way they cared for her. My mother, while she could still communicate, could not say enough about "her nurses" and how she felt they loved her.

Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
Cocoa puffs,

re. meds: what prevents you to: 1) learn about them, so you know which have to be left in a fridge and which has to be locked up, 2) get friendly with pharm folks so that they would explain you how the system works, because they have one, and, trust me, it was designed with the same purpose of safety first; and, at last, 3) speak with other nurses, and if meds really tend to be randomly drop all over, then speak with the Powers?

Reg. charting.... well, on your day off go Google and find list of nurses disciplined by BON in your, or any other, state. See how many of them got there because of poor charting... I bet there will be none.

With time, you'll figure out what is important to chart and what is not. But for now, it is clear that you have to get out of the acuity level you just not feeling to be comfortable with.

Those nurses who get in trouble for charting do so for fraudulent charting, not for simple mistakes.

Perhaps your current job just does not fit your personality, your idea of nursing, and your priorities? Acute care is also not everybody's dream - it is not like that is the non-plus ultra and there is nothing out there.

What I would like to say is that in my opinion all of us go through different stages in our life and as a nurse. You are familiar with Benner's novice to expert model I assume. But it is more than that. Nursing challenges everything when you start to work. It can shake up your motivation, your ethical point of view, your assumptions, how you fit in, you may question your personality. Even worse - you mention that your "feelings" do not correlate with what patients seem to convey and you do not feel connected.

It is really rough to transition to clinical nursing because of everything you have mentioned and in addition you also go through a personal change and perhaps transformation. We are nurses - but first and foremost we are human beings.

You put all the effort into nursing and landed a job - having said that - 5-6 patients for a step down is somewhat crazy and I do not know how a nurse would be able to do a good job with that load.

Perhaps it is helpful to do some kind of summary sheet to see where you are at. In one column fill in why you wanted to become a nurse in short words, the next column what you associate with nursing now and in the third column your expectation and perhaps a fourth one with goals for the future. It could help you to see where you are at. I honestly think that the transition from nursing school into real life nursing is one of the hardest transitions there are for jobs. Because it is overwhelming and there is all the responsibility - the thinking that one mistake could kill somebody..- and if new nurses are not up and running within 3 months or so, they are afraid of being terminated. Huge pressure.

Perhaps you are so overwhelmed and overloaded that you really have no capacity to connect with your job on a deeper level. In the beginning it is all about the workflow, getting the tasks done, trying to stay afloat, discharging and admitting on time, getting the meds out ....You are just a human and not a machine - so if your brain is busy with all of that - how can you have more capacity for anything like being more connected, reflect on your own view as opposed to what your patient's families want, and to develop a warm loving feeling about the chaos around you?

Nursing is rough the first 1-2 years and to be honest, I often wonder why we put new nurses through this kind of transition. Even residency programs do not help that much in making it better. If you find some job that you think would be a better fit perhaps look into that before you decide to take a job at starbucks .

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