I've been struggling a lot recently and would appreciate any support, advice, analysis, or comments you all have. So I started working as a nurse 6 months ago, went thru a great orientation, had awesome preceptors, and have been on my own for about 3 months. I've been miserable for about 5 months. In nursing school, I wanted to be an ICU nurse, then a nursing educator, CRNA, and then NP. I currently work on a cardiac step-down unit, 12hr day shift, usually have 5-6 patients with lots of discharges, procedures, admissions throughout the day. I work with a great team, great managers, feel supported, I'm doing well with time management/critical thinking, but I hate, hate, hate being a nurse. I worked as a CNA for 2 years all throughout nursing school, and I saw and experienced a lot, but did not actually realize how difficult nursing is....not until I actually became a nurse. I think it's a common consensus that nursing school does not prepare nursing students for the realities of modern day healthcare, but I did work as a CNA and shadowed many nurses throughout nursing school but the horrific reality was never real to me until now.
But why do I hate nursing so much? Honestly, my heart is just not in it. Externally I act like I care, while internally feel nothing for (most of) my patients, I just feel like a robot just clicking boxes and checking things off my list. My patients reportedly love me, but I honestly can't see why. I want to do a good job of course, I advocate for my patients, educate them, clean them up, toilet them, get them what they need....but I dread every shift. I hate small talk, dealing with angry families, waiting on entitled drug addicts who abuse the system over and over again, I HATE the crazy selfish families who insist on keeping the 87 year old CHF, COPD, stage IV renal failure, stage 3 pressure sores, trached, PEG tubed, nursing home patient FULL CODE. I hate the liability, the possibility and uncertainty of anything happening. I hate being the one responsible for everything! When trays are late, food is cold or patients dislike their meal, meds haven't been sent from pharmacy, dietary wants the patient on a diet but needs me to contact the doctor for the order, rehab works the patient too hard and the patient complains, the doctor didn't explain something to the patient well enough, endo canceled the procedure, cardiology didn't look at the patient's EKG and the hospitalist wants to know why, the TV stopped working, the RT took the patient's CPAP machine for some reason - and guess who gets blamed??
Anytime something goes wrong, guess whose fault it is? Yep, that's me, the RN
I didn't go through school and graduate with a 4.0 for this. I have my own mountain of nursing stuff to do, which I also hate doing, without constantly being interrupted to deal with constant issues. I really hate being a nurse, with the exception of my elderly 90 year old confused dementia patients, who I love. I wish I could sit with them my whole shift and just chat, but I could do that as a volunteer. I honestly just hate my role as a nurse, I hate my role in healthcare. I'm everyone's punching bag. I dislike the acuity on my floor, so I know I won't like ICU. I also feel that nursing does not have the hard science aspect I wished it had, it's more social science which I do not like as much.
So whether or not you read that rant, I just wanted to say that I'm planning to leave the nursing profession. After looking through job postings for nurses, I found one or two positions I would be interested in, and I would need 3-5 years of experience doing what I hate to get there. So it's back to school I go....something science/laboratory related, without patient contact. I would like to volunteer at a nursing home with dementia patients doing crafts or something. I no longer want to be a NP or CRNA, if I can't even handle the acuity and responsibility of being an RN. And while I love teaching, I don't want to spread my negative attitude toward nursing to the students if I became a nurse educator. Anyway, I don't have the experience for either of those advanced roles. I can't see myself continuing in nursing and being miserable for years and years. But please, don't think this is me bashing the nursing profession, I just don't think I can do this anymore personally. Nurses, thank you all for everything you do!!!!
I hate being the one responsible for everything! When trays are late, food is cold or patients dislike their meal, meds haven't been sent from pharmacy, dietary wants the patient on a diet but needs me to contact the doctor for the order, rehab works the patient too hard and the patient complains, the doctor didn't explain something to the patient well enough, endo canceled the procedure, cardiology didn't look at the patient's EKG and the hospitalist wants to know why, the TV stopped working, the RT took the patient's CPAP machine for some reason - and guess who gets blamed??
Anytime something goes wrong, guess whose fault it is? Yep, that's me, the RN
You need to learn to tell some of these people to go F*&! themselves. That'll make your days a lot easier.
You literally just wrote EVERY SINGLE thought and doubt I have of nursing. You see, I just started nursing. My first solo shift was on Tuesday and I was/am convinced I made a mistake in choosing nursing. I dislike being blamed for things that are out of my control. I dislike being looked down on by family members and patients who see that I am new and question my nursing judgement. I dislike spending more time documenting than spending time with the patient. I want to be able to have time to sit and read how this patient got to the point they are in now, and how I will make a difference. And the sad part is that I have to take all that time to document because "if you didn't document it, you didn't do it" and it will be used against you if it ever gets taken to court. I really hope it gets better as all the other posters have said it will. I don't see how I will make it through a whole year of this. Two actually... I signed a contract.
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
@cocoa_puff
You literally just wrote EVERY SINGLE thought and doubt I have of nursing. You see, I just started nursing. My first solo shift was on Tuesday and I was/am convinced I made a mistake in choosing nursing. I dislike being blamed for things that are out of my control. I dislike being looked down on by family members and patients who see that I am new and question my nursing judgement. I dislike spending more time documenting than spending time with the patient. I want to be able to have time to sit and read how this patient got to the point they are in now, and how I will make a difference. And the sad part is that I have to take all that time to document because "if you didn't document it, you didn't do it" and it will be used against you if it ever gets taken to court. I really hope it gets better as all the other posters have said it will. I don't see how I will make it through a whole year of this. Two actually... I signed a contract.
It really does get better. We've all been through it, and we all came out the other side. Unfortunately, the only way to GET through it is to GO through it.
There was no AN when I was a brand new nurse. I started on a floor with relatively low turnover -- I was the only new grad on staff and I was the first BSN ever hired. They were used to graduates from their own diploma program who could run a whole floor in their senior practicum. I barely knew how to do a set of vitals. I was SO miserable my first year. I thought all of my colleagues hated me -- and they probably did because I was too anxious to take the time to get to know them, and too incompetent to be an asset any time I was on shift. There was no one I could talk to because no one had ANY idea what I was going through. (You have AN, and even a forum just for the first year after licensure. Lots of people to "talk to" who get it.)
Somewhere about the one year mark, things started to "click." Things got better, and I actually knew what I was doing. Around that time, I started to relax and get to know my colleagues, and things got so much better at work. I won't say I loved my job yet, but I LIKED it.
I don't think it gets any better. Don't get me wrong, it doesn't frustrate me as much... but it doesn't get any better. Your ability to tolerate it just changes.
I, for one, think that's messed up. Nobody's denying what you're saying is true, because it is. We are everybody's scapegoat. We are the go-between for all disciplines who refuse to talk to each other. We have to explain to the patients that engineering told us they can't be there to fix something ASAP, and who gets to hear the patients get upset about that? Us. That's my least favorite part of nursing. I say it all the time - if I could just do MY JOB and NOBODY ELSE'S JOB, I'd probably like being a nurse. As it is, I don't.
Maybe I haven't been in long enough yet to be comfortable, but I'm 3.5 years in and all those things still really grind my gears. I am just not made to spend 99% of my time fixing every other discipline's problems.
I feel like I could've written this post word for word exactly! I've been a nurse for a year on a Med Surg floor, and I hate it for all the reasons you mentioned. I feel like HCAP scores and patient satisfaction surveys have made our jobs impossible and set us up for failure. I was also a CNA for 2 years before becoming a nurse, but I hated that too. But I do not regret becoming a nurse at all. After a LOT of soul searching I realized that I am just not meant to be a floor nurse. In my case I really don't enjoy direct patient care. I am good with patients because I was raised to be kind and helpful and treat people with respect. But on the inside I am too introverted to really enjoy patient care. I feel awkward and uncomfortable around them 100% of the time, even the nice ones who I can establish a good report with. I have learned ways to appear outgoing and comfortable with patients, but it is really difficult to keep up that facade for 12 hours a night. Especially with the nasty, hateful frequent fliers who just come for their Q2H dilaudid and refuse everything else and treat us like crap and take time and resources away from 5 other patients who actually need medical assistance. But there is so much more to nursing than this. My true passion is to either become a nursery nurse or an OR nurse. I may have to "pay my dues" on the floor for a year or so but it's just a stepping stone. It sounds like you aren't 100% sure what type of nursing would work for you yet, but you will figure it out! FTW I thought I'd like NICU too, but definitely not now. The possibilities are eendless though. Never regret becoming a nurse because being a nurse is not limited to the hospital floor. It is definitely NOT for everyone! You will eventually find your calling and you'll be thankful you stuck it out. Good luck!
I think many, many new RNs feel this way. I remember the nausea and tears on the way to work during the first six months. I started in the ED and it was terrifying, every single day. But it was also a ton of fun. We laughed all the time, we always came to each other's aid when needed -- and all it took was a quick sideways glance. I was lucky to have the best people working around me who supported me when I needed it. It's all about support when you're first starting out. The unit you describe, cardiac step-down with 5-6 patients sounds really tough, esp for a new RN. I would say try something else before you give up completely. There are SOOOO many paths you can take. After my first year in the ED (during which I was challenged and experienced more personal growth than I knew was possible in such a period of time), I am now in behavioral health which I am enjoying... it's completely different, I get to know my patients.. yes, I still have to spend time fixing all the admin issues and mix-ups etc but that just seems to be the case everywhere. However, if you aren't too overwhelmed with the rest of the job, it's manageable. Good luck to you, whatever you choose. Just know that from my perspective, you started out in what sounds like a very stressful and unforgiving situation. Maybe you should give the ED a shot? Although I like my current work, I miss the teamwork and laughter of the ED. Couldn't survive without either. :)
I feel you. I like the thought that nursing jobs gives you a good pay. But hey! The intensity of dealing people with attitude and treat you like nothing sometimes makes you wanna get out in a second and disappear. Not only that, our license are always at risk coz anybody can sue us anytime. Especially when the pt thinks they are the only ones you're taking care of when in fact you've got 27 of them at the same time. Whew! Sigh.....
I don't think it gets any better. Don't get me wrong, it doesn't frustrate me as much... but it doesn't get any better. Your ability to tolerate it just changes.
I, for one, think that's messed up. Nobody's denying what you're saying is true, because it is. We are everybody's scapegoat. We are the go-between for all disciplines who refuse to talk to each other. We have to explain to the patients that engineering told us they can't be there to fix something ASAP, and who gets to hear the patients get upset about that? Us. That's my least favorite part of nursing. I say it all the time - if I could just do MY JOB and NOBODY ELSE'S JOB, I'd probably like being a nurse. As it is, I don't.
Maybe I haven't been in long enough yet to be comfortable, but I'm 3.5 years in and all those things still really grind my gears. I am just not made to spend 99% of my time fixing every other discipline's problems.
Changing scenery has helped me prevent complete burnout. When that feeling of dreading work becomes a pattern, it's time to move on. Sometimes I even save up a bit and take some time off between jobs to decompress. When feeling overstretched in the hospital setting gets me down, I work in home healthcare for a refreshing change of pace. When the mountains of paperwork bore me to death, I start hunting the next (mis)adventure. When times got tough economically, I went into travel nursing and let a company pay for my place to live, and that chapter really saved me from a world of grief my previous profession (teaching public school) could never have afforded me.
You are definitely not alone in your suffering. I can't think of a more intellectually challenging yet demeaning, super-human expecting, anxiety and chronic-stress inducing job as that of a floor nurse in the hospital setting. 13 hours with no real break designed into it, but they deduct our pay. Can't use the bathroom when we need to, or feel our feet except when we unfortunately DO feel our feet. No one sticks up for us when we're being belittled by arrogant entities or bullying peers or aggressive clients.
The patients truly are not the only ones suffering in the environment The System is currently providing. The System is fully aware of it's long history of dysfunction, yet it keeps going because even if/when we step away from the bedside, WE need to firmly demand more tolerable working conditions and safer, more manageable nurse:patient ratios. Or else this catastrophic reality of non-retention of the best and brightest ... and BULK of nurses leaving the bedside (running from the bedside ...in droves). I cannot for the life of me find any justification for our working conditions or unacceptable nurse:patient ratios other than the simple reason that it appears to save money for short-term profits. But what about drafting a scenario that is SUSTAINABLE, tolerable, more functional, HIGHER QUALITY with BETTER OUTCOMES for patients? Better nurse:patient ratios is THE ANSWER imo. And The Systems themselves aren't going to wake up and make things right. We have to demand our nation's lawmakers to MANDATE this.
The Systems are so focussed on a few specks of dust, when they are blind to the fact that the whole house is dusty: we need to deep clean the whole house, not just a few specks of dust here and there, because that ultimately doesn't fix the problem.
Sorry such a rant, but I, too, question my professional choices every day. Just don't forget the systemic suffering we are allowing, and bring your voice up to build a better future for ourselves and those we serve. Be well, and best of luck on your path.
Investigate those areas you think you like - and try it. Fortunately - your license opens a lot of doors that don't have to involve direct patient care. One of the most interesting jobs I have read about is that of medical illustrator (for those who like art). I know many nurses who switched over to IT and became the clinical support team for EMR go live conversions. For me - I became a travel nurse 6 years ago and love knowing that I can stay out of the politics - and if I don't particularly care for my team - I know that I have an end date in site. Don't sell yourself short. You have a lot to offer.
You sound rational and realistic. I at times feel the same way you do about pts and family, but i love nursing. I also realize that my Neuro med/surg floor is an accident waiting to happen. I'm doing my time until I'm at the point where I feel I've paid my Nurse Director back for hiring me and move to the ER. I am tired of having 4 high-acuity pts without a tech because it's based on numbers but I get a tech when I have 5 regardless of acuity. As Winston Churchill said, "Never, never quit."
I really hope it gets better as all the other posters have said it will. I don't see how I will make it through a whole year of this. Two actually... I signed a contract. 
Oh'Ello, BSN, RN
226 Posts
You need to learn to tell some of these people to go F*&! themselves. That'll make your days a lot easier.