The thread in the nursing student forum about people who are always late got me thinking.
I am chronically early for everything. If I'm not 10 minutes early for an appointment, work, whatever, then I start to get anxiety. So I have a hard time relating to those who are temporally challenged. And I know that there are people who are ALWAYS late. I work with half a dozen providers, and one or two are like me (always there 15 minutes before start time), a couple get there right at start time, and there are 2 or 3 who are ALWAYS 10-20 minutes late for their first appointment of the session (and it drives me farking nuts, because the chronic late ones are my favorite providers and they ask me to go to lunch with them, and if I accept, then *I* will be late for my first appointment of the afternoon session, which is exactly what happened yesterday).
I know that sometimes it's just poor (or lack of) planning. But I've come to suspect that for some people, it's just part of their innate character, and that's what I want to try to understand better, so that I can better work with these people (and not show my intense annoyance). I really do think that sometimes, it's just beyond their control.
So for those of you who are temporally challenged, or love someone who is, help me understand what happens in their brains that make them this way, so I can be a more understanding coworker/supervisor.
Specializes in LTC,Hospice/palliative care,acute care.
Maybe I missed a post but I don't think anyone said anything about coming and going as they please. We're talking about being late by 5 minutes or so for a shift.
In my book that is the definition of coming and going as you please.Consider the co-worker you are relieving and who may have a prior obligation.Does that matter to you if she is anxious,not knowing when you will show up and fretting over when she will get to clock out and get on her way? Does it matter that you put someone through that daily?
I don't think anyone is actively thinking "I'm going to take my sweet time because I don't respect others and they will wait if I have more pressing things to attend to". But to be consistently late, that mindset has to exist subconsciously, if only in a tiny form.
It's like someone who had a difficult childhood with parents who didn't have a lot of patience and yelled frequently. It's likely that they will grow up with a low tolerance for minor frustrations and be short with people or yell often. However, there comes a point where, realistically, that person can no longer say "I can't help the way I react to frustration. That's how I was raised." Saying something is "how I've always been" implies that there is NO room, or cause for that matter, for self improvement. Now, no one is saying that it is EASY to change a long term behavior, but it is by no means impossible.
Another example: one of my best friends is very short. She was clearly born this way and cannot make herself grow taller. So she accommodates. Instead of not using the higher cabinets because they are out of her reach, she has a step ladder in her and a footrest in her bathroom so her legs don't fall asleep while she is on the toilet since her feet don't touch the floor.
The answer to WHY people are late has been answered several times. Not liking the answer does not negate it.
I paid 200 dollars non refundable, to attend 8 am yoga classes at a site across from the hospital. I did not get to attend more than one or two due to a certain dayshift nurse who had adhd and a challenge with managing her time. Unlike her, I will not be rude and a disrupt another persons routine or a class in progress.
This is the reality of working with people who are chronically late. Whether you realize it or not, which is somehow even more disturbing, you are costing other people money and causing great inconvenience.
So again, I do not want to report you for having a disability but know that if you can not function well enough to get to work on time, your coworkers do resent you, even if they are too polite to say so.
Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
No one is negating a darn thing. We ARE saying man (or woman) up and FIX IT already.
I don't think anyone is actively thinking "I'm going to take my sweet time because I don't respect others and they will wait if I have more pressing things to attend to". But to be consistently late, that mindset has to exist subconsciously, if only in a tiny form.
It's like someone who had a difficult childhood with parents who didn't have a lot of patience and yelled frequently. It's likely that they will grow up with a low tolerance for minor frustrations and be short with people or yell often. However, there comes a point where, realistically, that person can no longer say "I can't help the way I react to frustration. That's how I was raised." Saying something is "how I've always been" implies that there is NO room, or cause for that matter, for self improvement. Now, no one is saying that it is EASY to change a long term behavior, but it is by no means impossible.
Another example: one of my best friends is very short. She was clearly born this way and cannot make herself grow taller. So she accommodates. Instead of not using the higher cabinets because they are out of her reach, she has a step ladder in her and a footrest in her bathroom so her legs don't fall asleep while she is on the toilet since her feet don't touch the floor.
The answer to WHY people are late has been answered several times. Not liking the answer does not negate it.
No one is negating a darn thing. We ARE saying man (or woman) up and FIX IT already.
That's what I was saying. I guess I didn't make it clear. Some were complaining that this had turned into just bashing those who are late. But some don't like the answer "Those that are chronically late need to make accommodations NO MATTER what the reason" and ignore that the reason why ​has definitely been addressed and expanded on.
When dealing with such a person, tell them the appt time is about an hour before it actually is. My spouse is chronically late. He has a job that doesn't require a strict start time. Whenever we need to go somewhere as a family though, he will start to get ready at about the time we actually need to leave. I learned years ago to tell him we need to leave about an hour before we actually do need to leave, then we leave on time. I have used this same strategy for people I have lunch with who are chronically late.
I find it very selfish when people take their time when they know it inconveniences others over and over again. I feel that those people are being either very controlling in a passive-aggressive way, or they are just clueless.
Maybe that is part of the problem. Factoring in respect for others is important. Just as important as you being who you are.
What I mean is that whether or not I respect someone isn't going to change the probability of me running late.
For the record, I'm absolutely not suggesting it's OK to be late or that those who are shouldn't be held accountable, I'm just saying for me, whether or not I am late has nothing to do with respect or lack there of.
When dealing with such a person, tell them the appt time is about an hour before it actually is. My spouse is chronically late. He has a job that doesn't require a strict start time. Whenever we need to go somewhere as a family though, he will start to get ready at about the time we actually need to leave. I learned years ago to tell him we need to leave about an hour before we actually do need to leave, then we leave on time. I have used this same strategy for people I have lunch with who are chronically late.
I find it very selfish when people take their time when they know it inconveniences others over and over again. I feel that those people are being either very controlling in a passive-aggressive way, or they are just clueless.
You are an enabler. Forcing the entire family to adjust timeframes to ONE family member is both enabling to the offender and instructive to the rest of the family. "Daddy can't be trusted to be on time. Therefore we all must mount an elaborate game to trick him."
"I have used this same strategy for people I have lunch with who are chronically late."
Here's what I do with those folks: I don't have lunch with them. I don't have the time or inclination to lunch with someone who shows no respect for me or my time.
I've always been late to everything growing up. I once missed the bus to choir trip so I had to drive myself halfway across the state. I had a class once got a 98% but my teacher dropped my grade 10% for having two tardies. I almost got court in highschool for having 50+ tardies! I can't even explain why I can wake up at 5 and still be late to a 10oclock class. Its just like a part of who I am ugh. I don't know why but I guess I just don't see time the way other people do? Like most people would see they have to leave in 10 mins and they would run out the door. I see at as that gives me ten minutes to make eggs and brush my teeth etc.. Its really quite frusterating honestly I've been really working on it. But its just part of who I am idk.
Well, good luck with your life plan. Apparently you still somehow reap a reward of some sort. Enough to outweigh inconvenience & poor grades. Saying "idk, it's just part of who I am" ensures that you will continue to suffer loss, inconvenience or worse.
It's NOT just who you are. It IS 100% under your control. Whether you choose to take control of your life is up to you. 100%
Specializes in Critical Care, Med-Surg, Psych, Geri, LTC, Tele,.
I know how it feels to be off and your relief fails to show up. It sucks. Especially after a noc shift. This is why I take care not to be late. I don't want to inconvenience the other nurse. That and the fact that I don't want a write up or to be fired for being late. I want my employers to see me as reliable.
Ironically, when I read many of the previous posters who had a dx of ADHD list the ways they keep time, I recognized many as the same things I use routinely. /shrug/ I thought this is what normal people did. IE: set clocks for 5 mins fast, use my phone to set multiple reminders, set multiple wake up alarms. I've always wondered if I have ADHD, but simply manage it well.
Wow! Who knew there was so much hatred out there for getting to work at 7:03 instead of 7:00?
I have honestly never had an issue with any colleague or manager and have worked at institutions where clocking in was allowed up to 5 mins after shift start with no penalty. I guess I chose right knowing my weakness.
I've also worked ER and ICU where report is short and start and end times for shifts overlap by 15 minutes. Is this not the norm? Oh well. Guess I'm managing my problems just fine.
Sent from my iPhone -- blame all errors on spellcheck
Well, good luck with your life plan. Apparently you still somehow reap a reward of some sort. Enough to outweigh inconvenience & poor grades. Saying "idk, it's just part of who I am" ensures that you will continue to suffer loss, inconvenience or worse.
It's NOT just who you are. It IS 100% under your control. Whether you choose to take control of your life is up to you. 100%
Whoa calm down there. Well aware its a problem and I've gotten ten times better at in the past years. As I stated I'm the post I'm working on it. And poor grades? My grades are doing just fine any teachers that mark down your grade 10% for two tardies are insane. And actually I really thank that teacher because he did help me become more punctual. The amount I've improved in just the last year has been incredible. I agree its something people can change, but on the other hand I sympathize with people who are late because I know they don't mean to. Everyone's different I'm the kind of person who has no problem waiting 10 or so minutes for someone to show up. I'm not gonna get annoyed and ****** like most people seem ton be on this post.
ktwlpn, LPN
3,844 Posts
In my book that is the definition of coming and going as you please.Consider the co-worker you are relieving and who may have a prior obligation.Does that matter to you if she is anxious,not knowing when you will show up and fretting over when she will get to clock out and get on her way? Does it matter that you put someone through that daily?