"Take care of my mom!"

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I'm so frustrated with people dumping their elderly family members at the hospital to spend the night with their ill family members!!! We have had a string of this lately, and there is nothing we can do about it, because they don't tell us that they are leaving! They will call up and "check on" the family member and not even ask about the patient! I'm not sure all that makes sense, so let me give you an example:

Elderly confused man is patient - he's not a full code and probably won't make it out of the hospital. His wife, who lives in a facility somewhere (not assisted living, a full care facility) comes in with the family to visit him. Fine. The family wants them to be together as much as they can, and are afraid he might die and she won't be there. Again, fine. BUT they all sneak out at night and leave the wife, who is not safe to be on her own, in the room! Then later they will call and say, "how's my mom doing, did she take her medicine? Make sure she eats her breakfast!" EXCUSE ME?????? In my opinion that is elder abuse, and I am tempted to take her down to the ER and let them decide whether she should be admitted or not, and what to do with the family! And the most recent one gets confused at night! We are too busy with our actual patients to be watching out for all these family members! I have no problem with them staying, but if they are going to stay and are not safe to be alone, they should have a family member with them. I would NEVER abandon my loved one like that - what if something happens? What if she falls??? We have told these people that we are not responsible for their family members, and that if they can't be left alone, someone needs to stay with them. The response is always the same - "oh, she'll be fine!" :banghead:

Anyone else have to deal with this??

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Specializes in Ante-Intra-Postpartum, Post Gyne.

Why not explain to the family members that it is elderly abuse for them to just leave grandma alone and that the nurses have to care for the actual patients that are admitted and can not take care of the family member that is actually just visiting; because of liability purposes. And if they reply "Oh she will be fine." Say, "She is in a care home, this indicates she can not be alone. If you leave her here I will file an elderly abuse report". Sounds harsh, but she should not be left alone and it is not your responsibility for you to watch her.

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Specializes in school nursing, ortho, trauma.

Don't you have a cut off on visiting hours?

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We have! They always just brush it off! And it's not like they say, "okay, we're leaving now, but mom is going to stay!" They just leave, and then call later and tell us all that. And when we try to explain that, the answer is, "oh, she'll be fine!" Sometimes they tell us the first time "Mom is going to stay with dad tonight", but then night shift finds out at 2 am that "mom" is confused and incontinent! We tell them that they can't leave them there alone, but they do it anyway. We don't want to actually do the "take them to the ER thing", because they do have an ill or sometimes dying family member to deal with - but seriously. Come on. And the kicker is that it isn't even my patient that I'm talking about right now - I haven't taken care of him! I have helped his wife do a few things, but sheesh! It just makes so much more work for us because we are afraid she will get hurt, and we don't want that to happen.

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Don't you have a cut off on visiting hours?

Nope, 24/7/365. Yay.

Like I said, I don't care if "mom" stays, but I think someone else needs to stay too if she can't safely take care of herself.

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That is abandonment and is abuse. If she was a resident of a care facility..they should be looking for her too. I would call SS and get them involved. No different from them dumping them off in the ER and leaving.

I've seen this happen in our LTC facility. No way in heck that I was going to granny sit when I had 25 of my own residents. I called the DON and SS in (this was and 11-7 shift) and asked them to deal with it since I couldn't reach the family (surprise?) or I would be calling the police to report abandonment. Funny how when the police were mentioned the family responded, huh? I would have no issue taking care of this person if they were admitted to the facility or if they were no issue or risk and I totally understand the family that is just worn out, but for real??

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Specializes in Ante-Intra-Postpartum, Post Gyne.
We have! They always just brush it off! And it's not like they say, "okay, we're leaving now, but mom is going to stay!" They just leave, and then call later and tell us all that. And when we try to explain that, the answer is, "oh, she'll be fine!" Sometimes they tell us the first time "Mom is going to stay with dad tonight", but then night shift finds out at 2 am that "mom" is confused and incontinent! We tell them that they can't leave them there alone, but they do it anyway. We don't want to actually do the "take them to the ER thing", because they do have an ill or sometimes dying family member to deal with - but seriously. Come on. And the kicker is that it isn't even my patient that I'm talking about right now - I haven't taken care of him! I have helped his wife do a few things, but sheesh! It just makes so much more work for us because we are afraid she will get hurt, and we don't want that to happen.

If you have told them it is elderly abuse and that you will report them if they leave her but leave her any way...THEN REPORT THEM! If they leave grandma without telling you and sneak out then call them at home and tell them to pick her up within 1 hr or you will file a report...no if's an' or but's about it. And if they do not come....REPORT THEM. Period. Poor grandma. And like some one else mentioned, why isn't the TLC looking for her??

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Specializes in Neuro/Med-Surg/Oncology.

Probably b/c they think Grandma's with her family and that they are watching her. Also probably because the bed is paid for regardless of whether or not she's there.

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Specializes in CMSRN.

In my opinion I would not even remotely put up with it for an hour. She would have ended up in the ER with many phone calls placed way before I even discover Grandma was incontinent. I understand if no one noticed her at first but the minute I would find out, I would have proceeded to do what needed to be done.

The last thing I want is to be responsible for something I have no business being responsible for.

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This exact same thing is going on on my unit right now!! An elderly gentleman's wife (who is confused) gets dropped off in the morning by family members and they pick her up at about 11:30 at night to take her back to her assisted living facility. The best part is that she's a wanderer, so our nursing supervisor (supportive of her staff, as usual) had the patient moved to a room closer to the nurses station so we could keep an eye on her and keep her from wandering, and had a bracelet put on her wrist saying "If you find me, return me to room XXX" :banghead:

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Specializes in ICU, PICC Nurse, Nursing Supervisor.

this is crazy.... i knew people dumped their family members off cause they could no longer care for them; i didn't even think about family members of the patient being dumped.

i don't know what i would do but take them to the er or call the cops or something...dang ..

these people either are in complete denial of mom's condition or they are total idiots...heck maybe they didn't pay the bill at the nursing home...who knows..

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I'd be on with the police so quickly your head would spin.

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