I work as a private practice NP Internal Medicine provider in the same medical center where I started as RN years ago.
A some time ago, I stopped sharing ANY private information about myself and my family, period. Partially it was due to xenophobia I experienced in the same place, partially due to current political situation and partially because I am, well, sick and tired of sharing information that has nothing to do with business. I am nice, polite and adamant about it, whether one feels like "just curious" or not. But, since I was there before, some pieces leaked out and stayed in collective memory.
Over the last year, I encountered more than once that patients/families somehow got to know where I came from and some other details I did not share with them. It is Trump country overall, so more than once it led to situations when I was asked humiliating (to say it mildly) questions directly in my face, refusal of care under premise that I must be "a spy or something", etc. Needless to say, it doesn't make my life any better.
The single source of leak in all cases with no exclusion were staff RNs. I spoke with them; some outright denied telling patients anything, but when presented with facts, everyone started the same spiel: "the patient/family just wanted to know where are you from, what are you doing here in America and if you have any kids - they are customers, you know, and why they cannot know if they are just curious?" No one of them had an impression that what they did was wrong.
In my opinion, doing so is, at least, unprofessional.
Speaking with NURSING management led to nowhere. They have no policies about it, and "what if he just wanted to know, and the nurse happens to know, and not comfortable to say "no"?"
Providing some basic, brief information about oneself may not be a professional boundary violation, but it appears that it is a personal boundary violation for the OP. It was also a boundary violation on the part of her colleagues who shared information about her with the patients. I cannot even imagine why anyone would think THAT was OK. If Katie (or anyone else) wants to share where she's from, whether she's got children or "What she's doing here in America" that's fine for THEM to share. But you don't go sharing information about your colleagues with anyone (except maybe your spouse.)
Anyone who wants to share information about THEMSELVES to put the patients at ease is perfectly free to do so. But it's just so wrong to share information about anyone else; even basic information. The most I'd say in response to a patient who asked me to dish about a colleague is "She's a great NP and we're lucky to have her," or "she came to us from Duke University, and we're lucky to have her."
According to the OP, the RNs' shared information the OP had already provided them with in regard to "Where she was from," "What she is doing in this country," and "Whether she has children." If these are deeply invasive questions for the OP and the OP is traumatized by the fact that his/her colleagues answered these questions when patients asked them about him/her, he/she can always try giving absolutely no personal information whatsoever out about himself/herself, and then see if his/her relationships with patients and colleagues remain satisfactory. Indeed, it is the OP's choice as to what information he/she shares, but he/she shouldn't be surprised if some possibly unforeseen negative consequences result from a "No personal questions/information at all" approach.
I don't know why some people are having a hard understanding this...you have no right to provide information to patients about a 3rd party; especially, after being specifically told not to. As a NP, other than general plesanties, I don't own anyone anything to share information I do not want to share (I don't even ask personal questions to my own physician!!). To me this is just bizarre. I live in CA, bu I can only imagine how challenging it can be for fellow immigrant nurses out there. OP, sounds like it might be time for a change of work environment.
Everything you wrote might be right and correct - regarding YOURSELF. And this is the problem.
Yours (or somebody else's) curiosity or need to know how many children someone has is only about you. It has nothing to do with someone else's wish to share this information, and you do not get any right to know just because you "just curious". If you are uncomfortable with someone without knowing these details, it is, again, up to you to choose not to pursue personal relationship with this person. It is a free country. I also can choose to transfer too nosy, too talkative and too curious patient to another provider or even another service - without the patient's consent, BTW.
Of course it's up to you as to what information you share about yourself. But if you tell your colleagues basic personal information about yourself (as you did) they are likely to think that since you (presumably) were comfortable telling them, you will probably be comfortable with them telling others.
I've only worked in one place as an RN and we aren't able to fire patients. I know nurses and other practicioners who have faced prejudice from patients, I know of an instance where a patient surprised a nurse when she got home (not a nice surprise.)
I'll stick with keeping my information and my coworkers information to myself.
Specializes in Psych, Corrections, Med-Surg, Ambulatory.
Of course it's up to you as to what information you share about yourself. But if you tell your colleagues basic personal information about yourself (as you did) they are likely to think that since you (presumably) were comfortable telling them, you will probably be comfortable with them telling others.
It seems in OP's situation, that was once the case. But enough negative experiences lately to make everyone rethink the policy of being personally open with patients. Just a few people with ill intent should be enough for management to implement a policy of at least not answering questions about each other.
Specializes in Psychiatry, Community, Nurse Manager, hospice.
I would generally answer questions about birth origin, unless I knew the patient was asking because he's a racist. And it sounds like OP is concerned about that because she lives in Trump country.
I would never answer personal questions about children etc. Never. But like elkpark, I work in psych and we are pretty strict about that.
What is more concerning than anything here, is that OP addressed this with nursing management and it was not handled well.
OP I think you need to go up the chain of command or to human resources.
Of course it's up to you as to what information you share about yourself. But if you tell your colleagues basic personal information about yourself (as you did) they are likely to think that since you (presumably) were comfortable telling them, you will probably be comfortable with them telling others.
Except OP has EXPLICITLY told them she is NOT comfortable having that information shared with patients. It would be one thing if they'd just told people when they were unaware. I agree at that point the RNs could presume she'd be okay with it. But to continue giving out information after being told not to? No, that's not okay.
I think people who experience discrimination start to have a spidey sense of when someone is fishing for info to be used as ammo, and when someone is genuinely curious and making small talk. OP can reveal whatever she wants about herself to others; that doesn't mean others should be able to reveal whatever they know about OP.
I find if people are just using personal questions to make small talk, they're really easily led back to more neutral subjects. If they get offended and are really pushing for answers about a person, that's usually a good sign that their intent is not wholly innocuous.
And I'm calling BS on the NM's explanation that the RNs will continue to divulge OP's personal information because they don't feel comfortable not answering patient questions. As a nurse, I would have no problem not answering questions about a practitioner (or any colleague) if I knew that person wanted to keep his or her personal life private. It's the same as when a family member or friend wants information on a patient. We all develop polite ways of refusing to divulge information. Maybe OP's personal info isn't covered by HIPAA the same way a patient's is, but the techniques of polite refusal and deflection aren't really any different.
sharing anything beyond professional qualifications is absolutely verboten. I learned this before I went to nursing school. what is the problem with understanding this? no, no, and no again. never share anything personal about a coworker, period, the end.
sharing anything beyond professional qualifications is absolutely verboten. I learned this before I went to nursing school. what is the problem with understanding this? no, no, and no again. never share anything personal about a coworker, period, the end.
I actually learned it from my mom when I was like 5 years old :)
I haven't read a single comment, but I get asked all the time, even today (am working) was asked if I am from "around here." And I'm white as white gets and in the South. Pts just like to start conversation.
I haven't read a single comment, but I get asked all the time, even today (am working) was asked if I am from "around here." And I'm white as white gets and in the South. Pts just like to start conversation.
Anyone can "just like to start conversation" or "just want to know" or "just be curious". It doesn't give him or her any rights to demand any particular information. It doesn't make anyone else obliged to provide such information. And it shouldn't be any third party's responsibility to provide the information if any other side refused to participate for whatever reason.
I haven't read a single comment, but I get asked all the time, even today (am working) was asked if I am from "around here." And I'm white as white gets and in the South. Pts just like to start conversation.
LOL! So since you, a white person, never experience racism, it doesn't happen? Surely you're kidding.
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Susie2310
2,121 Posts
According to the OP, the RNs' shared information the OP had already provided them with in regard to "Where she was from," "What she is doing in this country," and "Whether she has children." If these are deeply invasive questions for the OP and the OP is traumatized by the fact that his/her colleagues answered these questions when patients asked them about him/her, he/she can always try giving absolutely no personal information whatsoever out about himself/herself, and then see if his/her relationships with patients and colleagues remain satisfactory. Indeed, it is the OP's choice as to what information he/she shares, but he/she shouldn't be surprised if some possibly unforeseen negative consequences result from a "No personal questions/information at all" approach.