"Are you saved?" How do YOU deal with these types of questions

jeepgirl, LPN, NP · Apr 4, 2005

"Yes, I'm saved. Let us pray now that I don't accidently kill you in my tired frame of mind!"
"I find it difficult to discuss this while I'm looking at your a**!"
"I'm a Zen Baptist and I have nothing to save."
"Yes, I'm saved. While we're on the subject have you ever had a foley?"
"Yes, and we also want you to save your urine right here in this jug!"
"Yes, and the next time you poop save it for me also!"

*snorting*

:rotfl: I LOVE the save your urine/feces comments!!

SharonH, RN · Apr 4, 2005

Them: "Are you saved? What church do you belong to?"

Me(answering cheerfully): "Nope. No church, I'm going straight to hell". (I then change the subject).

I was born and raised in the deep, deep South. The Bible belt. There is literally a church on every corner. Very few of them are genuinely concerned about your soul so you can rest your conscience about that. They are mostly concerned about drumming up new business for their church or passing judgment on you, it has nothing to do with their illness. Trust me on this, I have over 35 years of experience of dealing with this mentality.

P.S. NEVER invite them to tell you more about how Christ is important in their life. Because that is exactly what they will do, and unless you want to be preached to or prayed over then you need to change the subject. You might tell them about your chaplain services if they are available or something like that.

Long Term Care Columnist / Guide · Apr 4, 2005

well, while that is something I would want to say... I don't think I could! But, I am kind of offended by those sorts of questions, so I want to shoot off an offensive answer! Even though most people who ask are not trying to offend... they really are. You just can't win with those sorts of questions!!

Which is why polite society just didn't discuss such things in the past........this attitude seems quaint now, but it did prevent a lot of the discomfort and awkward social situations we find ourselves in from time to time nowadays.

jeepgirl, LPN, NP · Apr 4, 2005

I personally like the "Saved, from what?" answer. If they try to explain, try to act like you just don't understand. I have confused people before... and I just give up trying to explain what I meant to them.

When they start to act discouraged because you don't get it, suddenly act like you understand.

This is the point where you begin saying "Oh yes, Mrs. Jones! I DO want you to save your poop for me! Doc wants a sample to make sure there's no blood in there! Oh, and make sure you pee in this hat for me! I don't want to have to go after it with a tube!"

Keepstanding, ASN, RN · Apr 4, 2005

Looks as though I am in the minority....but YES I am saved.

I am a Christian and very proud of it. Yes I will pray with a patient if they ask for it. I do not initiate the conversation, but I will answer their question honestly. I find no discomfort in it. Never will.

lady_jezebel · Apr 4, 2005

I grew up in NC and know exactly where you're coming from. It's SO wonderful to live in a place now where religion is a non-issue (Seattle). Nobody ever asks me those types of questions here, and it's so freeing to not be judged for my (lack of) religion. Honestly, I'll never live in the bible belt (or a "red" state) again!

jeepgirl, LPN, NP · Apr 4, 2005

looks as though i am in the minority....but yes i am saved.
i am a christian and very proud of it. yes i will pray with a patient if they ask for it. i do not initiate the conversation, but i will answer their question honestly. i find no discomfort in it. never will.

that doesn't mean that you're in the minority. for most people it is just an offensive question.

you can't please people with your answers many times, and often you put yourself in the place of offending them if you don't give the answer they wanted to hear. even if you are religious, you might be the "wrong" sort of religious. there are many close minded people out there.

if you give them the "wrong" answer and they try to start "spreading the gospel" to you, you're going to offend them when you say "sorry, i have to go to a trauma now." or "my patient is puking, can you put that thought on hold?" or even "i'm not interested in talking about my personal beliefs right now. i'm needed elsewhere. i'll be back shortly."

plus, its inappropriate to discuss your personal beliefs with a patient. i think it is ok, though, for a patient to explain her beliefs to you (without trying to convert you!).

for instance, a patient may be comforted by telling you that she has faith that god will decrease her pain. or that she feels his presence while she is ill. i even think that it is ok for a patient ask for your presence while they pray. notice i said while they pray. this can be important to many people... for instance, many may be following this scripture:

matthew 18:20 - for where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am i in the midst of them.

they need you there with them.

engaging in a conversation about your beliefs and your practices is inappropriate, however. it is blurring the line between patient and nurse. you have a business relationship with the patient, not a personal one. don't forget that... it can get you into trouble!

we have a responsibility to take care of the whole patient: physically, mentally, and spiritually. however, they do not have the responsibility to spiritually take care of us.

allnurses Guide · Apr 4, 2005

LPN 90, you're not alone. I'm saved too, and always glad to support my patient's spiritual needs. Which has included getting people's crystals out of the laundry basket (lots of new Agers here).

And Sharon, I'm sorry you've had bad experiences with "us", but not all of us care only about "new business" or passing judgment, a true Christian really does care about the individual in front of them. :kiss

As for how to answer it, saying "I'm going to hell" is a slap in the face. a mere "I don't care to discuss religion" should be enough. Then, if they don't let go, you can get rude

I get more guff for being a different race than I do for being a Christian.

James Huffman · Apr 4, 2005

I notice that the original poster is from NC. Me, too. I'm not in the least surprised you get questions like that, and I think that your response is a good, kind, and gentle one.

The reason I say I'm not surprised is that the "What church do you go to?" is just part of Southern culture. People ask me that all the time, even ones whom I suspect are not particularly religious. My favorite happening about this was a co-worker who was Jewish, and had the "church" question put to her. When she responded that she was Jewish, the questioner seemed baffled -- there aren't many Jews in this part of North Carolina -- and re-phrased the question, "So what Jewish church do you go to?" My co-worker responded "Beth Israel," and the questioner seemed satisfied. It's a cultural thing, a breaking the ice kind of thing, and I suspect that your questioners are just trying to get to know you.

However ... on the "are you saved" kind of questions, let me throw out a couple of thoughts.

First, the questioner almost certainly means well, and is probably genuinely concerned for you. However, if you're not comfortable or interested in answering, I think you can smile -- knowing that they are probably asking out of concern -- and say something like, "I appreciate your concern for me, but this is something I'd really rather not discuss at this time." I would think such a response would work on a number of levels (I'm an orthodox Christian, and there are times and circumstance when I just don't feel like talking about it at that time).

It's a matter of sensitivity. There are people who are just trying to carve notches on their spiritual guns. Those can usually be spotted a mile away. But I've found that the majority of people asking questions of this nature are concerned, and if it's not something you want to discuss, then brush them off gently.

Jim Huffman, RN

porterwoman · Apr 4, 2005

P.S. NEVER invite them to tell you more about how Christ is important in their life. Because that is exactly what they will do, and unless you want to be preached to or prayed over then you need to change the subject. You might tell them about your chaplain services if they are available or something like that.

Well, here's my reasoning on asking them about it: They asked me the question because they want to talk about Jesus, not really because they're asking about me. That's okay, because I think that in the nurse/pt relationship, it really IS all about them and not at all about me. I think I'm cool with them talking about Jesus, as long as they're not scrutinizing me. I do not enjoy being scrutinized by my pts!! Bleh!

Zenman, your answers about poop & pee are hilarious. HAR!!!

danu3 · Apr 4, 2005

I find this conversation interesting. It looks like it depends where you are. Where I am at California, it is very different. I volunteer at a small medium size hospital with the chaplaincy. The chaplain is a Christian and so are most (we do have a few from other faiths) of the volunteers. Given we do have a diverse population around here, we (the chaplain and all the volunteers) are in charge to minister to all faith.

I find it interest from my expereince that when I walk in, people automatically assumed that I am a Christian most of the time (although I am). Also more than once, when I was with a Jewish patient and the first thing they ask was something like "are you going to try to convert me?" I had to tell them like no, I am not going to convert you because it is against hospital policy and it is not ethical for me to do it in a hospital setting.

One Jewish patient I still remember because I managed to connect her with a rabbi whom she felt really good with (find this out later in another visit).

The worst one (almost a disaster) was one particular patient who is Jewish. I brought some Jewish literature from the Chaplancy just in case she might want it. Anyway, our conversation went fine. I was about to ask her whether she want the Jewish literature I brought with me. Then something inside me sort of went, "better ask first". So I asked her what faith tradition she belong. She answered "Oh, I am a Muslim". It was like, oh my goodness, I almost gave a Muslim some Jewish literature! :eek: Ever since then, I don't trust the printout of the patient's religious preference.

-Dan

danu3 · Apr 4, 2005

I would love to hear from some more experienced ppl some ways to deal with these types of personal questions. In my region, there are many devout evangelical Christian people who I think are genuinely concerned about the state of my soul. When folks like this are in the hospital, they're also feeling vulnerable, and they probably want to discuss their faith with someone who can help them feel more grounded. I am not necessarily that person.
I get the questions, "Are you saved?" "What church do you go to?" "Have you accepted Jesus as your lord and savior?" etc. frequently in the hospital where I work. 1. I don't believe my personal religious stuff is my patients' business. 2. I do not want to be dishonest about my personal religious/lack of religious stuff.
So far, the best I've come up with is, "It sounds like Christ is important in your life. Tell me more about that."
Thoughts? Opinions?
Rebecca, that agnostic porterwoman

I think your response is good. It can be enhanced by something like the following:

"It sounds like Christ is important in your life. Would you like to speak to the chaplain in the hospital?" I am assumping you do have access to a hospital chaplain. If not, maybe something like "It sounds like Christ is important in your life. Would you like me to contact someone in your church?"

Given you are the nurse for the patient, being offended is not going to help you with relationship with the patient. Like your post implied, most of them have a good heart and it is just part of the culture (if you can't stand the culture, come to California Copy%20of%20wink.gif ). Also, depending how they ask, they maybe communicating to you they want some spiritual help also since illnesses lots of time raises spiritual questions. If that is the case, it is one of your job to connect the patient with the right spiritual resources.

-Dan