I am needing some advise on this. Sorry but this is going to be long.
When I was 7 I was molested and abused for about a year. He said I would be in trouble if I ever told, which is why it went on for so long. I was afraid and never told anyone, until I told my friend during a sleep over. She knew what was happening and told her mom, whom in turn told my mother. When my mother found out, she of course had him arrested.
We moved to FL after that. I finished school and went on the become a nurse there. My husband and I moved our little family of 4 back to Arkansas to be closer to some of my family. I am a nurse at a local family clinic while studying to get my RN. Last year this man that I put in jail for 9 years started coming to my clinic. I bumped into him in the hallway and immediately went to my office manager to inform her of the situation. I have been working for them for 2 years now and have seen my Dr fire people that he no longer wants to treat for various reasons. My office manager informs me that since he doesn't see my Dr and I am not his nurse that it isn't a good enough reason to fire him. They put a note in his chart to never schedule him with my Dr. He isn't aloud on my side of the building. He has ended up on our schedule twice now and moved to the other Dr schedule. He sits in the same lobby my patients sit in and walks the same hall.. Usually when he is there, I try to get someone else, if anyone is available, to get my patients so I don't have to see him or he see me. He has come in several times over the last year. It has gone to him just glancing at me, to smiling at me, and now trying to joke and wave at me. He came in this past Thursday with a leg injury and was placed in the shot waiting area(very small side room with a few chairs). I had a patient in there and that's where we give our allergy injections. We were short a nurse on this day and very very busy. I can't just hide behind my desk and wait for him to leave so that I can do my job. I had patients waiting. My patient that was in the shot waiting area was there for a physical for work. He needed an eye exam. We use the Snellen chart that is on the wall in that room. While giving him his eye exam, my abuser sat, who was sitting beside my patient, persistently smiled at me. He made the comment that he should move his leg so that no one tripped on it, my patient joking said "you never know, someone may kick or stomp on it." And the abuser looked at me and smiled and said "Yeah and she would probably be the first to kick it" while laughing. I said in a rude voice "You are right" and took my patient to his room away from that man.
I felt very uncomfortable, and feel like he is just taunting me. When I informed my boss that he had spoken to me, she just said I should have had someone else get my patients while he was there. I don't feel comfortable or safe at my current place of employment and don't really feel like my boss cares. I had nightmares about this man for years and I have started having them again. I don't like feeling so vulnerable.
Should they even be allowing him there? I understand that once I get my RN and work in the ER I will have patients that I don't like, but do I have to deal with this man?
We recently made an accepted offer on our first home and are due to close at the end of the month. As soon as we close I have decided to start actively looking for other employment. I am going to look at other clinics, our hospital (that doesn't hire many LPNs), and the nursing homes. Until then, what can I do? It took all that I had not to be extremely unprofessional in front of my patients to this man when all I really wanted to do was stomp his leg and to beat him with his own crutch.
My ex-abuser showed up while I was walking down the street to my clients's house and shot me seven times, then killed himself, so yes, my restraining order didn't take his gun away or stop his desire to threaten and shoot me with a gun.
No, I don't have that person stalking me physically anymore, but I had to endure physical and emotional scars because of it-a support group and seeing two therapists and seven years after being shot I'm starting to feel "normal" again...I still have work to do, but sometimes the emotional work and coping mechanisms help so much when I encounter someone who looks and acts like my ex-abuser.
Are there enough "coping mechanisms" to resolve your ( or OP'S) psychological scars?
Excellent advice. get the restraining order for what it's worth.
He paid his debt to the legal system, but there's nothing he can do to repay his debt to you.
Thank you for saying this. When that first got said, my gut reaction was to recoil. What a thing to say to an abuse victim! The fact that he spent time in prison fixes just about NOTHING for the person he destroyed, especially now that he's victimizing her again.
Are there enough "coping mechanisms" to resolve your ( or OP'S) psychological scars?
Excellent advice. get the restraining order for what it's worth.
Get yourself a Glock 26.. learn how to use it.
I feel much safer!
I don't know if it will resolve, however my heart doesn't palpitate or I look like I seen a ghost (something my sister said when someone who was my cashier during Christmas time was ringing up my items had me seeing red, headache and feeling fuzzy) when I do see someone or if somebody reminds me of my ex lately.
I was going to get a Glock before I got shot-gun permit was ready and all...
For what it's worth, I do believe that the OP should pursue whatever legal avenues as much as possible, however, working on the trauma will have better lasting effects-solution based therapy and EDMR (which I have been in for about 2 years) and trauma psychiatry come to mind; those new coping mechanisms help and could have a better lasting impact; she could look her ex-abuser in the eye and engage with him with no fear and not allow him to have control over her life-which to me is more beneficial and more empowering in addition with the legal armory.
1. Your boss seems like he/she doesn't care because he/she doesn't care.
2. Get a restraining order. He abused you and now is consistently coming to your place of work. Whats to stop him from following you to the next doctors office you go to? If he just got out of jail it's not like he had a long time history with that doctor.... seriously, get one NOW, actually, yesterday.
3. Take a leave of absence until you get it sorted out and if you absolutely can't do that, let the police know and hopefully they will sent a patrol car by the clinic more often.
I'm not a coward on any level so to me leaving would more about allowing myself to have the space to create a new life and pursue the therapy that will assist in processing the past trauma and moving forward. Maybe I'm not all that attached to my family or my job but there is no way I'd stay in a small town where everyone knew my business and there was a monster like this taunting me.
To me there are some fights that there is just no winning. If your neighbors are really asshats, you need to sell your home and freaking move. If a car is driving on the wrong side of the road coming in your direction who the hell cares that you aren't doing anything wrong and have a right to drive in the correct lane? Swerve and avoid the collision. Its not fair but it is what it is.
Thank you all so much for your comments! I didn't know what to expect when I posted my question but I am grateful for all of your responses.
This man was a patient at my clinic several years ago (before I moved back). But he was incarcerated again and hadn't been to the clinic in 6+ years. I had looked in our system to make sure he wasn't a patient there when I first started, but since it had been so long he didn't show up because it was in archive and not in the new computer charting. Since starting to come to the clinic a year ago, he has come in maybe 10-11 times. At first he didn't do anything but glance at me when I called my patients, then he was steadily looking, and now he smiles at me. Last week was the first time he had spoken towards me. Yes, he is listed, and no I am pretty sure it isn't commonly known that he is a child molester unless they have looked him up. I did try to tell my boss that he was smiling at me with this look on his face and that he had joked towards me, but all she said is that I should have had someone else get my patients. The abuser's Dr does know why he is the only one who is aloud to see this patient and why he isn't aloud on my end of the building. But the clinic isn't large, and it doesn't put that much space between us. I do have mace. I will be getting gun and I am a very good shot. There is no HR at my clinic. There is a Dr and a PA on one end and a Dr and a PA on the other end. The office manager is in the middle of the building. And there isn't much managing going on honestly. I can say that because I have been in management and there are a lot of things that should be done differently at my clinic. But I look at this job as my temp job. I planned on just sticking it out while I am going to school to get my RN. BUT I will be relocating jobs. Very soon. There is a hospital in about 20 minutes from where my new house will be (in another county) that still hires LPNs that I will be looking into.
I will be talking to the local PD about a restraining order. I am just hoping that it doesn't piss him off and give him more motive to harass me. I understand that there is a potential of coming in contact with him anywhere I work, but I don't feel as though I should have to put up with this kind of behavior. No one at my clinic will say anything to him for acting this way. Honestly it will be hard for me not to if he keeps smiling at me and looking at me the way he does. I just worry about that making him want to harass me more. I have 2 small children to worry about now and I don't want this ever reaching them. Ever.
Again, thank you all for your responses and encouragement.
My ex-abuser showed up while I was walking down the street to my clients's house and shot me seven times, then killed himself, so yes, my restraining order didn't take his gun away or stop his desire to threaten and shoot me with a gun.
No, I don't have that person stalking me physically anymore, but I had to endure physical and emotional scars because of it-a support group and seeing two therapists and seven years after being shot I'm starting to feel "normal" again...I still have work to do, but sometimes the emotional work and coping mechanisms help so much when I encounter someone who looks and acts like my ex-abuser.
Um wow! I don't know what to say to this other than I am so glad you are here to share your story! wow! That had to have been terrifying!
I've been LadyFree for awhile; for about 15 years-it's probably a sheer coincidence or star alignment that I survived trauma. :)
Been there,done that, ASN, RN
7,241 Posts
Are there enough "coping mechanisms" to resolve your ( or OP'S) psychological scars?
Excellent advice. get the restraining order for what it's worth.
Get yourself a Glock 26.. learn how to use it.
I feel much safer!