Procedure on this? Nurse and her abuser

[CMarieRN87]

Hello,

I am needing some advise on this. Sorry but this is going to be long.

When I was 7 I was molested and abused for about a year. He said I would be in trouble if I ever told, which is why it went on for so long. I was afraid and never told anyone, until I told my friend during a sleep over. She knew what was happening and told her mom, whom in turn told my mother. When my mother found out, she of course had him arrested.

We moved to FL after that. I finished school and went on the become a nurse there. My husband and I moved our little family of 4 back to Arkansas to be closer to some of my family. I am a nurse at a local family clinic while studying to get my RN. Last year this man that I put in jail for 9 years started coming to my clinic. I bumped into him in the hallway and immediately went to my office manager to inform her of the situation. I have been working for them for 2 years now and have seen my Dr fire people that he no longer wants to treat for various reasons. My office manager informs me that since he doesn't see my Dr and I am not his nurse that it isn't a good enough reason to fire him. They put a note in his chart to never schedule him with my Dr. He isn't aloud on my side of the building. He has ended up on our schedule twice now and moved to the other Dr schedule. He sits in the same lobby my patients sit in and walks the same hall.. Usually when he is there, I try to get someone else, if anyone is available, to get my patients so I don't have to see him or he see me. He has come in several times over the last year. It has gone to him just glancing at me, to smiling at me, and now trying to joke and wave at me. He came in this past Thursday with a leg injury and was placed in the shot waiting area(very small side room with a few chairs). I had a patient in there and that's where we give our allergy injections. We were short a nurse on this day and very very busy. I can't just hide behind my desk and wait for him to leave so that I can do my job. I had patients waiting. My patient that was in the shot waiting area was there for a physical for work. He needed an eye exam. We use the Snellen chart that is on the wall in that room. While giving him his eye exam, my abuser sat, who was sitting beside my patient, persistently smiled at me. He made the comment that he should move his leg so that no one tripped on it, my patient joking said "you never know, someone may kick or stomp on it." And the abuser looked at me and smiled and said "Yeah and she would probably be the first to kick it" while laughing. I said in a rude voice "You are right" and took my patient to his room away from that man.

I felt very uncomfortable, and feel like he is just taunting me. When I informed my boss that he had spoken to me, she just said I should have had someone else get my patients while he was there. I don't feel comfortable or safe at my current place of employment and don't really feel like my boss cares. I had nightmares about this man for years and I have started having them again. I don't like feeling so vulnerable.

Should they even be allowing him there? I understand that once I get my RN and work in the ER I will have patients that I don't like, but do I have to deal with this man?

We recently made an accepted offer on our first home and are due to close at the end of the month. As soon as we close I have decided to start actively looking for other employment. I am going to look at other clinics, our hospital (that doesn't hire many LPNs), and the nursing homes. Until then, what can I do? It took all that I had not to be extremely unprofessional in front of my patients to this man when all I really wanted to do was stomp his leg and to beat him with his own crutch.

[nurseprnRN, BSN, RN]

Update on this**

Alot of our local PD officers are our patients, and are very nice. I am going to ask on of them the next time they come in. I don't get how there can be a time limit on how long an abuser has to stay away from his victim. Dumbest thing I have ever heard!

You know, what with all the attention being given to law enforcement taking matters into their own hands lately I hesitate to say this. But maybe I'll say it anyway, since you're in a small town. Next time one of your cop patients comes in, ask "What's the statute of limitations on this? This guy, his name is X, raped me when I was a child and he's creeping me out when I see him around. I just wish somebody could do something to make me feel safer."

..... to be continued?

[icuRNmaggie, BSN, RN]

Op

change your user name if you are using your legal first name and last initial.

Also ask the admin desk to remove the info about the state you moved from and the county and state where you are living now. All of these identifiers could spell trouble in the form of a hipaa violation of the predator's protected health information.

[edmia, BSN, RN]

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this OP! I wish your employer was more empathetic of your situation, but this may end up best for you if you can get a position at the hospital with great benefits.

As a side note, does this man recognize you? Obviously just seeing him is traumatic for you and I would expect that. I'm just wondering if he knows who you are now that you're an adult. If he does know who you are, he's more than upsetting -- he could be dangerous.

Sent from my iPhone -- blame all errors on spellcheck

[CMarieRN87, ADN, RN]

As a side note, does this man recognize you? Obviously just seeing him is traumatic for you and I would expect that. I'm just wondering if he knows who you are now that you're an adult. If he does know who you are, he's more than upsetting -- he could be dangerous. [/Quote]

Yes He recognizes me. I am positive. I haven't changed much as far as facial features go. But th look of recognition crossed his face when we first bumoed into each other

[Raven Sierra, BSN, RN]

OP - I'm from Arkansas, although I'm no longer there. Woo Pig!

(1) Remove the town name in your previous post. Delete any references to where you're planning to look for employment or where you're buying a house. I know that area, and it's really not hard to figure out where you're talking about. Sexual predators use the Internet, too. If that's your real name, ask admin to change it to something else, something not identifiable. You know Arkansas is a small state. Keep yourself safe.

(2) Your abuser's actions are very concerning. He's being very bold, and I agree with others - he seems to be getting some sort of pleasure out of making you uncomfortable. His actions make me wonder if he'd escalate them further, like to stalking you away from work.

(3) In that thought line, protect yourself. Erase any trail he might have to find you and your loved ones. I know that's hard to do in a small state like AR, but you've got to try. You must think safety first - always. A few tips, from my own experience (please be aware this is not legal advice):

- Never leave the office alone; walk out with someone. Check your back seat and under your car. Park in well-lit areas.

- Take a different route home from work, if you can; vary your route randomly on different days. Don't do the same thing at the same time; be unpredictable. Make unscheduled turns or stops. Watch for the same vehicle being on the road with you.

- Make your phone number and address unlisted. Yes, it's worth the money, if your phone company charges for that. Make sure your friends and family know to not give out your info unless you give permission.

- Look into security options. Gun, mace, taser, alarm system, big protection-trained dog...

- BE CAREFUL what you put online. Already, from the information on this thread, a person who knows the area would be able to figure where you are pretty easily. Work to eliminate personal information from online. Consider Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc. - presume that the creep knows someone who can see it all. Think about deleting or severely restricting those accounts to family/close friends only; too much information online is just dangerous, especially when it comes to stuff like "Going to Disney!" (you're not home), "Going to miss the hubby" (he's not home; you're home alone), "At the Traveler's game with the kids!" (here's where we are and roughly when when we'll be coming home), "Look at the kids at the park!" (my kids are here), etc. Don't give anyone that advantage.

- As unpleasant as it is to think about, have a contingency plan. If he shows up at your house, or at your car outside work, or wherever, what will you do? How will you respond? Think about this from the perspective of if you're alone and if you're with the kids.

- If your children go to daycare or school, consider letting the school know that someone has an unhealthy interest in your family.

- Listen to your gut. If a situation feels odd, listen to that feeling.

Is it fair that you should have all this trouble because of a creature that has already caused so much pain? No. It's not fair. But you have to take care of you and your loved ones first.

I wish you the very best.

[icuRNmaggie, BSN, RN]

Excellent post.

[CMarieRN87, ADN, RN]

OP - I'm from Arkansas, although I'm no longer there. Woo Pig!

(1) Remove the town name in your previous post. Delete any references to where you're planning to look for employment or where you're buying a house. I know that area, and it's really not hard to figure out where you're talking about. Sexual predators use the Internet, too. If that's your real name, ask admin to change it to something else, something not identifiable. You know Arkansas is a small state. Keep yourself safe.

Thank you! I didn't even think about that. Working on changing that information now.

And yes I try to do alot of the things you listed. I park where I can see my car from the back door. I have mace, I have always carried a knife, I check the parking lot before I leave. I watch to make sure he has gone before I leave, if he is there. I will protect my social media account and block personal information. Honestly, I am working on my contingency plan. I am teaching my babies "stranger danger" and that no one should ever ever touch them in their private parts. I am making sure they know how to dial 911 from a cell and a landline. I will make them memorize our new address.. My husband was in the military and used to do alot of private security. He has told me the same thing you have. Make sure not to become predictable. Take different routes. Be mindful of cars on the road around you. My babies teacher is a friend and knows the situation. The doors at the daycare stay locked and she has security cameras. My husband wants to get security cameras. We will be getting a dog and training him once we get our house. The list goes on..

thank you so much for your suggestions!