Procedure on this? Nurse and her abuser

[CMarieRN87]

Hello,

I am needing some advise on this. Sorry but this is going to be long.

When I was 7 I was molested and abused for about a year. He said I would be in trouble if I ever told, which is why it went on for so long. I was afraid and never told anyone, until I told my friend during a sleep over. She knew what was happening and told her mom, whom in turn told my mother. When my mother found out, she of course had him arrested.

We moved to FL after that. I finished school and went on the become a nurse there. My husband and I moved our little family of 4 back to Arkansas to be closer to some of my family. I am a nurse at a local family clinic while studying to get my RN. Last year this man that I put in jail for 9 years started coming to my clinic. I bumped into him in the hallway and immediately went to my office manager to inform her of the situation. I have been working for them for 2 years now and have seen my Dr fire people that he no longer wants to treat for various reasons. My office manager informs me that since he doesn't see my Dr and I am not his nurse that it isn't a good enough reason to fire him. They put a note in his chart to never schedule him with my Dr. He isn't aloud on my side of the building. He has ended up on our schedule twice now and moved to the other Dr schedule. He sits in the same lobby my patients sit in and walks the same hall.. Usually when he is there, I try to get someone else, if anyone is available, to get my patients so I don't have to see him or he see me. He has come in several times over the last year. It has gone to him just glancing at me, to smiling at me, and now trying to joke and wave at me. He came in this past Thursday with a leg injury and was placed in the shot waiting area(very small side room with a few chairs). I had a patient in there and that's where we give our allergy injections. We were short a nurse on this day and very very busy. I can't just hide behind my desk and wait for him to leave so that I can do my job. I had patients waiting. My patient that was in the shot waiting area was there for a physical for work. He needed an eye exam. We use the Snellen chart that is on the wall in that room. While giving him his eye exam, my abuser sat, who was sitting beside my patient, persistently smiled at me. He made the comment that he should move his leg so that no one tripped on it, my patient joking said "you never know, someone may kick or stomp on it." And the abuser looked at me and smiled and said "Yeah and she would probably be the first to kick it" while laughing. I said in a rude voice "You are right" and took my patient to his room away from that man.

I felt very uncomfortable, and feel like he is just taunting me. When I informed my boss that he had spoken to me, she just said I should have had someone else get my patients while he was there. I don't feel comfortable or safe at my current place of employment and don't really feel like my boss cares. I had nightmares about this man for years and I have started having them again. I don't like feeling so vulnerable.

Should they even be allowing him there? I understand that once I get my RN and work in the ER I will have patients that I don't like, but do I have to deal with this man?

We recently made an accepted offer on our first home and are due to close at the end of the month. As soon as we close I have decided to start actively looking for other employment. I am going to look at other clinics, our hospital (that doesn't hire many LPNs), and the nursing homes. Until then, what can I do? It took all that I had not to be extremely unprofessional in front of my patients to this man when all I really wanted to do was stomp his leg and to beat him with his own crutch.

[CMarieRN87, ADN, RN]

Yes he is a sex offender and I was his victim. There is only one building, my employer is only making sure he isn't scheduled with my Dr so that I don't have to treat him. He is still in the same builing, just right down the hall. They could fire him as a patient but his Dr decided not to do that.

[CMarieRN87, ADN, RN]

Update on this**

Today I called our local PD, as they were the arresting office when he was originally convicted of this. The lady who answered wasn't much help, she didn't even let me finish my question, and referred me to the Prosecuting Attorney's office. I called them and explained the situation. According to the man on the phone, since the abuser was originally arrested and convicted of this when I was 7 (20 years ago) that he may have passed the statue of limitations on his release. He said it all depends on what the terms of his release were and if the judge ordered him to stay away from his victim and how long the judge made this order to last. Apparently it doesn't last forever. He says that he is going to have to look the abuser's case up and that may take him a little while since it was so long ago. And as far as making him find another clinic, I can't. "Unless he is physically harassing me there is nothing I can do." I can't even get a restraining order since all he is doing is coming to my work place, which is open to the public.. I am waiting for him to call me back about what the abuser's release papers say, but from what I understand, there is nothing I can do.

Alot of our local PD officers are our patients, and are very nice. I am going to ask on of them the next time they come in. I don't get how there can be a time limit on how long an abuser has to stay away from his victim. Dumbest thing I have ever heard!

[CMarieRN87, ADN, RN]

I assume this person is a registered sex offender.

Are they under supervision of the state?

Is there a stipulation of no contact with victims?

They may be violating their release even if they timed out.

You may have recourse through those avenues.

Yes he is registered.

That's what I thought (may be in violation of terms of his release). But after calling around today, I learned that the terms of his release may have expired. Meaning that when they release him the judge can order for him to stay away from me, but it is only valid for so long. And as long as he is just coming to my place of employment then there is nothing I can do. I can't get a restraining order until he is harassing me, which apparently what he is doing doesn't count as harassment.

[icuRNmaggie, BSN, RN]

This predator was in prison for years and may want revenge or God only knows what. Call CASA in your county for help with a restraining order. Put motion sensors on your exterior lights and install security cameras for your personal safety.

The physician that you work for is an insensitive schmuck and I suggest that you part ways with that job before it really takes a toll on your health.

[Miss.LeoRN]

Have you attempted to speak with the man's Dr himself and ask why he refuses to fire this man as a patient? Or ask that he not be allowed appointments on the days you are working?

This might not be a welcomed response, and perhaps even a bit over the line. Please do not take offence as I mean nothing but honest support.

Have you forgiven yourself for what happened? I've been where you are. Every victim feels guilt. And while I know it's easy to say "I know it's not my fault, I am the victim", I know it's more difficult to feel that way. I suffered the last two years of high school in the same hallways and some of the same classes as my rapist, and for so many years all I could do was feel guilt for "my part". What I did that "caused" this to happen to me, or what didn't I do. Society has never been kind in making victims of sexual assault realize that what happened is inexcusably never their fault. Not for anything that they did... or that they didn't do. And I know, it's easy to say I don't blame myself... but sometimes those same words are followed by a "Why didn't I tell someone sooner". So please, the first step before anything is forgiving yourself for what you didn't do.

Now here comes a raw statement, but please don't get upset. Try to take a step back from this situation, and look at it from an outside perspective.

You are allowing this man to make a victim out of you again. You are allowing him to gleam some sense of joy over the pain he is causing you simply by being in the same building as you, or when in communication to someone near you.

For a very long time I ended up putting myself in your same situation. I was angry, I was hurt, I was scared... I chose to try and hide, to avoid.. at my own expense. At the expense of my schooling, my grades, my potential for college.. not only did this person ruin me once. I was allowing him to ruin me again. My mother told me one thing that helped me. Forgiveness is not for the other person. It is for you. She told me that I needed to forgive myself, and let go. And she told me exactly what I am telling you.

Do not give this man a moment of your thought. Do not allow him in your head. Just wondering if he is going to have an appointment that day, when you get up for work, is already more than he deserves. Don't let him make another victim out of you. Raise your head, and stand tall. He did not defeat you. You defeated him. Stand proud in that. You're not scared of him. He cannot intimidate you. He cannot threaten you. He may have broken you then. He cannot break you now. He has no power over you. Show that. Do not respond to his inciting. Simply report it as harassment. I tell my children all the time, when someone attempts to harass them, talk about them, say unkind things to them; ignore it. "Ignore" does not mean literally ignore, however. It means do not respond, and report it. Your time and energy, your emotional well being and health are far too precious to waste on these types of people, and on this man.

[dream'n, BSN, RN]

I've worked in a few different Dr. offices over the years and as far as I know it is NOT illegal to fire any patient from a practice. The only stipulation I've ever seen is that a written 30 day notice must be provided to the patient. The reason for the dismissal can be as simple as, "I do not feel this practice will be able to serve your needs." It's as simple as that.

After reading one of your most recent posts, I strongly encourage you NOT to speak about this to any patient law enforcement officers that you have at your practice. If you do, that could come back to bite you seriously in the rear. It also is not professional and big HIPAA issues could occur.

If you need some mental health time/treatment, do not hesitate to speak with your private PCP for STD. Let your ***hole employers pay you to figure this out and receive proper trauma treatment.

[Farawyn]

Update on this**

Today I called our local PD, as they were the arresting office when he was originally convicted of this. The lady who answered wasn't much help, she didn't even let me finish my question, and referred me to the Prosecuting Attorney's office. I called them and explained the situation. According to the man on the phone, since the abuser was originally arrested and convicted of this when I was 7 (20 years ago) that he may have passed the statue of limitations on his release. He said it all depends on what the terms of his release were and if the judge ordered him to stay away from his victim and how long the judge made this order to last. Apparently it doesn't last forever. He says that he is going to have to look the abuser's case up and that may take him a little while since it was so long ago. And as far as making him find another clinic, I can't. "Unless he is physically harassing me there is nothing I can do." I can't even get a restraining order since all he is doing is coming to my work place, which is open to the public.. I am waiting for him to call me back about what the abuser's release papers say, but from what I understand, there is nothing I can do.

Alot of our local PD officers are our patients, and are very nice. I am going to ask on of them the next time they come in. I don't get how there can be a time limit on how long an abuser has to stay away from his victim. Dumbest thing I have ever heard!

This is BS. Next thing you know HE will be after you for violating his privacy.

I am so sorry you are still being victimized by this situation. That's why I would leave.

[Farawyn]

And yes, patients can be dismissed from the practice. We've done it.

[Red Kryptonite]

Update on this**

Today I called our local PD, as they were the arresting office when he was originally convicted of this. The lady who answered wasn't much help, she didn't even let me finish my question, and referred me to the Prosecuting Attorney's office. I called them and explained the situation. According to the man on the phone, since the abuser was originally arrested and convicted of this when I was 7 (20 years ago) that he may have passed the statue of limitations on his release. He said it all depends on what the terms of his release were and if the judge ordered him to stay away from his victim and how long the judge made this order to last. Apparently it doesn't last forever. He says that he is going to have to look the abuser's case up and that may take him a little while since it was so long ago. And as far as making him find another clinic, I can't. "Unless he is physically harassing me there is nothing I can do." I can't even get a restraining order since all he is doing is coming to my work place, which is open to the public.. I am waiting for him to call me back about what the abuser's release papers say, but from what I understand, there is nothing I can do.

Alot of our local PD officers are our patients, and are very nice. I am going to ask on of them the next time they come in. I don't get how there can be a time limit on how long an abuser has to stay away from his victim. Dumbest thing I have ever heard!

This is the problem with small town anywhere....it's Podunk as hell and apparently law enforcement is 20 years behind at all times.

Have these morons never heard of stalking laws?! This guy is STALKING you. Victims used to end up dead after being chased and harassed for years and being told exactly the same load of shinola you just heard. That's why the laws changed.

Are you REALLY SURE you want to live in this town? Seems like a whole lot more trouble than it's worth. Couldn't whatever family members you moved to be closer to, move with you back to Florida? You were willing to uproot your whole life for them, it seems to me they could return the favor because this is a really good reason to get out of dodge.

[emtb2rn, BSN, RN, EMT-B]

Consult an attorney. I used to work with a nurse who had a restraining order placed on a pt d/t assault on the job. The pt did come to our er, but that nurse did not treat him and the pt was not allowed to communicate with the rn in any way.

[CMarieRN87, ADN, RN]

[After reading one of your most recent posts, I strongly encourage you NOT to speak about this to any patient law enforcement officers that you have at your practice. If you do, that could come back to bite you seriously in the rear. It also is not professional and big HIPAA issues could occur.QUOTE]

I thought about this also. I wasn't planning on violating hipp . But I won't speak to them about it.

[CMarieRN87, ADN, RN]

We didn't move back for my family. My husband thought being closer to my mom, who moced back several years ago, would be beneficial. The house we are buying is in anothet town and on the edge of the county. I plan to look for employment in the next town. Morrilton is in a different county and not far from our house we are buying. The hospital there still hires LPNs and they have tuition reimbursement and good benefits. So I will be applying there. I wish I could move further but we cannot afford it right now.