Problem with co-worker - called racist?

Nurses Relations

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Hi everybody,

I apologize for the length, but I wanted to get this story out there to maybe receive some advice...

I am a new grad on a gen med/surg unit, and I'm about four weeks in. On my second week of orientation, I walked into work and walked down the hall as normal to go to the locker room. As I was walking I was thinking about my day and such, and walked past two coworkers (one fellow RN, one EVS worker), and as I passed they said good morning. It took a second for my brain to register that they were talking to me and I quickly tried to call out a quick good morning and then kept walking.

Now the EVS worker came into the locker room a few min later, and asked if "i was mad." Confused, I said no, why? Apparently she thought I had purposely ignored them. I apologized and assured her that I just hadn't been paying attention as I had passed them.

Awhile later that fellow RN also called me out and asked if I was ok. I said yes, and again apologized for not realizing they had said good morning to me. I said that I hadn't meant to be rude or anything, I was just new and got lost in my thoughts at the time.

Flash forward to last night when I was at the desk, again lost in my thoughts and one co-worker thought that I had "eyed her up" without saying anything. Again, not what I was doing, but I understood that she may have thought something.

She proceeded to call me out on it, and called over the EVS worker from the last encounter and said that I had "eyed her up." At this point, I was confused and embarrassed. Then someone said that the EVS worker had told others that she thought I might be racist due to these actions from the past.

Mortified, I apologized and assured her, and everyone else that I was not racist, nor trying to be rude. I sometimes get lost in my thoughts and it has nothing to do with the person around me. She then asked me my "sign" and said that we were fine now.

However, I don't feel fine. I feel called out for something that I could have been talked to about in private if it was really an issue. I also feel awful that she talked to others on the floor about me. Now I dread going to work because I feel that others think that I am not a nice person or something, do to misunderstandings that occurred.

Is there something I should do about this? I feel very unresolved about all this, and like something needs to be done. I realize my own actions could have played a part in making others feel like I was not nice, do to my not realizing I was blanking out. However I also feel that the EVS worker made others think things about me that are not true. I really don't want to have to get my manager involved as this is embarrassing for me, and also I really don't want to have a 'sit down' with this EVS worker as I feel this may cause me more repercussions in the future.

Any advice?

When people want to find fault with you, as happens often in the workplace, they will do so, no matter what you do or don't do. Go on about your business.

Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
It is all about the little things in work - relationships. It appears that most people care about feeling respected and valued. So there is a difference between thinking that the other person respects and values me and feeling that exact thing. It also depends somewhat on the culture you work in and generally speaking from which culture the other person comes from.

On the most basic level you guys are all human beings without regard to status (nurse, nursing assistant, unit coordinator, environmental and so on). People do not like to guess if you value and respect them. And it makes your work day much nicer when you have some interaction with other people throughout the day.

Here is my suggestion for you:

Make a conscious decision not to "blank out" because that will dissociate you further from what is going on around you.

Instead, make sure you greet everybody when you come in - do the first step! Do not wait for them to greet you. Stop by now and then for some small talk - does not have to be long and can be as simple as "did you do anything fun on the weekend?" or "have you watched xx movie?". If somebody wears a nice color scrub compliment them. It is the small things that go a long way - like giving people a hand to boost up somebody, walking the patient to the bathroom for somebody and so on.

I do not agree with that it would be better to have a conversation in private. I actually think that the worker did you a favor by talking to you and also calling it out. Trust me that you are better off when people are open about an issue and address it as opposed to backstabbing, whispering behind doors and so on.

This is really good advice! I, too think the worker did you a favor by calling it out. You now know WHY they're talking about you behind doors and you know what you need to do to fix it. In short, be mindful of other people at all times, and take the first step in greeting them by name, and taking a moment or two for small talk. As an introvert, I find that excruciating, but that doesn't make it less necessary.

Specializes in LTC, Rehab.

They sound like hypersensitive and quick-to-judge people.

Btw, I have no idea what 'EVS' is. But you're not the first person in this forum to use acronyms I've never heard of...

Specializes in Critical care.
They sound like hypersensitive and quick-to-judge people.

Btw, I have no idea what 'EVS' is. But you're not the first person in this forum to use acronyms I've never heard of...

EVS=Environmental Services...a frequently used alternative term for the Housekeeping department.

Environmental Services worker. Like the housekeeping staff.

Specializes in Stepdown telemetry, vascular nursing..

It sounds like those coworkers are relaxed at their job and have time to question a nurse's facial reactions.

Whenever I hear statements like those, I personally think that it doesn't have to do with me, but with them- what they made out of it, and implicitly how they have a sensitive area in their life if that was the first thing they thought of.

For myself, it doesn't help that I have a resting b***h face, or that in the past I have, continuously during report said "Yes, Yes", and "yes, go ahead". I guess it came across as uptight, when in reality I was greatly impressed by how much the nurse knew (it's rare on my floor), I was "getting it", and was super focused and pumped LOL. Again, I come from a different cultural background- we are encouraged to not show emotion and to be tough

I think you are fine, it is normal to be concerned with how the shift will go etc at the beginning. Don't bring it up because it might show that you are bothered. Try to make it a habit to look up and smile at the beginning of the shift and you will be fine.

hope this helps.

Specializes in Stepdown telemetry, vascular nursing..
This is really good advice! I, too think the worker did you a favor by calling it out. You now know WHY they're talking about you behind doors and you know what you need to do to fix it. In short, be mindful of other people at all times, and take the first step in greeting them by name, and taking a moment or two for small talk. As an introvert, I find that excruciating, but that doesn't make it less necessary.

Yes, agree 100%. Be the first to show the smile regardless. You never know why somebody is in a bad mood or why they are so quick to judge. And yes, it's quite tough as an introvert to make small talk, but what can we do- we live in a society, and it can make somebody else's day better, it can build rapport too.

Specializes in Case mgmt., rehab, (CRRN), LTC & psych.
Whenever I hear statements like those, I personally think that it doesn't have to do with me, but with them- what they made out of it, and implicitly how they have a sensitive area in their life if that was the first thing they thought of.
I totally concur. Another person's perception of the situation is his reality. It is not my reality. It is his reality.

Several years ago I was seated at the nurses station when a visitor approached and remarked, "Well! You don't look as if you're having a good day!"

I purposely failed to acknowledge his comment and replied, "How can I help you?"

The visitor's perception that I looked as if I was not having a good day was his reality. It was not my reality; however, I was not going to waste the effort to convince him otherwise. Next...

Although it seems uncomfortable, it's probably best to talk to her privately about it. The overwhelming majority of personal interaction conflicts can be avoided by simply communicating or else things are left unsaid and stay weird on the surface while festering underneath. Straightforward is best. Let her know that you feel your actions may have given a bad first impression and it's important that you get off on the right foot with your new coworkers, and also that it's likely it may happen again in the future on occasion because you get busy in your mind and you've always been that way (I'm guessing you're an introvert). Ask her if there's anything you can do to assure her you intend to have a good relationship with her. For the time being I would say don't grovel, but do be humble and sincere. She's got the upper hand as far as established relationships with all your coworkers right now, and that can turn into a mess really quick. If she says y'all are fine now, act accordingly. Don't continue acting as though there's really an unspoken rift between you because then it will be true.

This is good advice.

I understand getting lost in your own thoughts. Some of us are just like that and it has absolutely nothing to do with anyone else.

Some people are more verbal than others, some are shy. Others will often, in my own experience, interpret this as being unfriendly or "stuck up".

I hope you can learn to be less in your own head, learn to think out loud so people know what you're thinking, because I think you could face some big messes from people who are as touchy as the EVS worker. At least, she straight out asked you what was going on. Be very careful to never give her a negative impression again. Although she might be someone who will always see evil where there really isn't any.

I worked with a nurse who was the only nurse who tried to make sure that aides were out on the ward with the patients, not off the floor except for their meal break, not in the break room, not hiding in the supply or linen closets or the dining room after it was closed, not taking up the computers for googling and social media. The nurse happened to be Caucasian and the techs were all African Americans. The other nurses never tried to get the aides to do right. The white nurse was accused of racism. No matter how he explained his thinking, no matter how nice he was (and he was nice), his goose was cooked.

I wish you the best. Do what you can to clear up misunderstandings and ASSumptions on the part of these touchy coworkers.

I totally concur. Another person's perception of the situation is his reality. It is not my reality. It is his reality.

Totally agree with this and along the same line is when someone misinterprets what I've said. It's not always my fault that their perception was faulty. They bring their own bias and personal baggage into it as well. I daresay that has way more influence on how a person hears things than the actual words themselves. It's the same with text messages and posts here. People interpret things by using their own emotional filters. The more self-aware ones can read a text/post or hear words, take their emotions out of it and respond neutrally. The others well...they give you epic internet flounces and I would bet that's how they respond in real life as well.

Specializes in PICU, Pediatrics, Trauma.

This sort of thing really irritates me in the work place. I'm sorry you are getting "drama" right off the bat. Don't they have anything better to do or think about?

Although I agree with most of the responses in terms of their analysis of how these 2 may feel or where they are coming from, it just seems plain silly to me to even be thinking this way. ( the way the 2 co-workers responded).

If or when I was concerned about how someone treated me in a particular moment, and it mattered for some important reason, I pulled them aside and asked politely if there was something I did that offended or upset them. Often it would be misinterpretation on my end, but when it wasnt, I did my best to clear the air and try to repair and/or apologize when I was in the wrong or short-sighted somehow. I see no good reason for them to have jumped to the conclusion they did, and what's more, gossip about it. Sounds so immature. People can be rude without knowing it and frankly, we are all human and not perfect and often under a lot of stress while at work. Unless someone is routinely rude or difficult, give them a break and stop nit picking each other all the time. I understand why you are in your own head while being new with a lot on your mind. Once you explain that, then it should be let go and move on. Once you are more relaxed and less pre-occupied, Im sure you will develope good repore with your co-workers. You nipped it in the bud when you explained. Don't spend too much time worrying over these 2.

Specializes in Emergency, Telemetry, Transplant.
You work with some real weirdos.

Exactly what I was thinking! What does "eyed her up" even mean?

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